There is a curious mentality that has arisen among many parents in this, the age of technology, Pam Mari says.

Parents who once carefully selected their children’s playdates, meticulously chose what movies they saw, have suddenly backed off completely when it comes to their kids’ use of technology and social networking, says Mari, director of student services for the Davis Joint Unified School District.

These same parents, she says, “would never allow their child to roam around in a strange city all alone.”

But that is, in essence, what they are doing when they don’t monitor, supervise and limit their children’s presence in the virtual world.

That was the overriding message at Davis Parent University on Saturday: Parents can, and should, ensure that their children are as safe in front of their computers at home as they are anywhere else. The ramifications for failing to do so, panelists said, can affect children for the rest of their lives.

Those ramifications include everything from social and mental health issues that arise from cyberbullying, to a lifetime spent as a registered sex offender for sexting, to even falling victim to adult predators.

“What sets all this up is a lack of parental involvement, of parental education and parental supervision,” said local social networking safety expert Mary Kay Hoal, one of four panelists to address the 125 people who attended Saturday’s program.

Hoal noted that the problem for society right now is just how quickly social networking from Twitter to Facebook took hold among the masses, with teens among the first on board for much of it.

“We have not had the opportunity to be educated about the pitfalls and ramifications,” she noted.

And this technology, Mari said, is naturally suited to teens: It’s fast, anonymous, secretive, highly social and presses the limits. But all of those things, she noted, also makes it highly inappropriate at times as well.

And it can be hard for parents to enter that world.

When it comes to such technology, noted attorney Krystal Callaway Jaime of the UC Davis School of Law’s Family Protection and Legal Assistance Clinic, “you don’t know who that is on the other side of the screen. (And) the peer groups children associate with online may be very different from the (people) you would allow to come into your house.”

The good news, Hoal said, is that parents can be educated about the pitfalls and ramifications involved and avoid them altogether.

Step one, she said, is for parents to make a commitment to start the dialogue and continue the dialogue, just like they do when it comes to talking about sex, drugs or anything else with their children.

Next, she said, “safety-enable all of the digital devices in your home.”

Hoal’s website, www.yoursphereforparents.com, offers tips on how to do this.

Hoal also has some basic rules: No child under the age of 13 should be on Facebook. She also recommends that parents not allow live versions of video games or the use of video chatting and they should take advantage of technology that allows them to block access to certain sites and turn off texting during school or at night.

“It’s so easy to do,” she said. “Please use the technology that exists.”

Failure to act, Jaime said, can carry lifelong consequences.

Though things like cyberbullying and sexting represent an emerging area of law, she said, some things are clear: What a child does now online ultimately can affect their ability to get into college, get a job and more.

“There’s also the issue of parents’ civil liability for children’s actions online,” Jaime said.

On the issue of sexting, she said, which involves someone taking and sending a sexually explicit message or photo, there are multiple ramifications.

The teen who takes the picture can be charged with creating child pornography. He or she can be charged with disseminating child porn for sending it to someone else. And the recipient can be charged with possession.

Any one of those charges, Jaime said, can mean a requirement to register as a sex offender.

The problem, she said, “is (adolescents) don’t process the long-term ramifications. We try to tell kids, ‘Think before you hit Enter. Think before you click.’ ”

Hoal reminds her own children, “That picture your friend took can very, very easily get another child into trouble.”

All of the panelists on Saturday agreed that completely blocking adolescents’ access to technology is not the answer.

“With social media, there are many wonderful things,” Hoal noted. “And I want parents to feel good about their kids’ technology.”

So start talking now, she said, get up to speed and take action.

“I’m very hopeful because I believe we’re raising a very smart generation,” she said. “But the time is over for us to feel overwhelmed, because there are solutions.”

Saturday’s program was sponsored by the Davis Community-wide Parent Education Collaborative, the Davis Joint Unified School District Climate Committee and Davis PTAs. For more information about Davis Parent University, contact Carin Sloane at [email protected] or Jodi Liederman at [email protected].

— Reach Anne Ternus-Bellamy at [email protected] or (530) 747-8051. Follow her on Twitter at @ATernusBellamy

ParentsW

Expert panelists at Saturday’s “Parenting in the Information Age” workshop are, from left, attorney Krystal Callaway Jaime of the UC Davis School of Law’s Family Protection and Legal Assistance Clinic, pediatrician Stephen Nowicki, social media expert Mary Kay Hoal and Associate Superintendent Pam Mari. Wayne Tilcock/Enterprise photo

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