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Blame it all on TV advertising
My name is Joe Schmoe Sixpack and I am a student at Ucee-D where the professor dudes learn me stuff. You wanna know why I booze so much on Picnic Day?
I understand from reliable sources ( lots of ads on TV) that when you drink beer or other alcohol you immediately get a great social life, you become really good-looking and are very appealing to the opposite sex, your car is awesome and you say really clever funny stuff.
So I drink a six-pack and when this does not happen I figure I did not drink enough, so I drink another one. When that makes the girls avoid me even more I get frustrated and angry so I start causing trouble. But it’s OK, because so long as I don’t get arrested or die, I don’t remember much of it the next day anyway and I just feel rotten and have a headache.
Don’t get mad at me! At least I am not smoking pot and wearing tie-dye shirts and dancing like a hippie, and saying stuff like “groovy, man.” Now that would be really bad!
Gabe Lewin
Davis
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