Friday, April 18, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Will he always be alone and lonely?

AnniesMailbox

Dear Annie: I am a 45-year-old gay man who has never had a relationship, and I don’t expect it to change. I have lived all of my life in the closet. I know it’s not emotionally healthy, but I feel unable to confide in anyone. When I was a teenager, I confided in a minister, who then told my parents. They never accepted me.

My parents are both gone now. I have no friends. I work two jobs, which precludes a social life. I’ve listened to my co-workers’ conversations and can tell they wouldn’t understand. I live in an area where coming out could mean the loss of my jobs, my landlord could evict me, and I worry that someone’s intolerance could turn violent.

There is no PFLAG or other resource in my area. There are no gay bars. I feel unable to relocate due to economic concerns. I realize my isolation is my own fault. I’m not an outgoing, talkative person. In particular, I have always found it difficult to talk about myself. How do I open the door?

— In Turmoil in Kansas

Dear Kansas: You don’t need to go to a gay bar. You can look online, and not only for prospective partners, but also to make new friends regardless of their sexual orientation. It will protect your privacy while giving you an opportunity to connect with others. Regular email conversations can also help you learn to communicate better. And PFLAG has online support at pflag.org. Please check it out.

————

Dear Annie: I have an adult niece who no longer speaks to her grandparents. No one knows why, and her parents tell us the niece “deals with things in her own way.” Her grandparents are heartbroken.

The question is: Do I invite this niece to a family wedding? She is difficult to be around and makes things uncomfortable for those of us who must observe her behavior. It is important to the bride that her grandparents be at the wedding, and we want them to feel at ease. We have no problem not inviting the niece, but do not want to start a war with her parents.

— Family Issues

Dear Issues: We generally favor inviting those people you wish and letting the chips fall where they may. You are not responsible for your niece’s estrangement. However, you also are not obligated to invite her, although it’s quite possible that the grandparents might welcome a chance to see the girl, even from six tables away. The decision ultimately rests with the bridal couple, but you might first talk it over with the grandparents, as well as the parents of this niece. Explain the problem and ask whether they believe she can behave appropriately. If there is a genuine risk that she will cause a scene, we say leave her off the guest list.

————

Dear Annie: You told “Frustrated” to call those people who had not RSVP’d and ask whether they plan to attend her daughter’s graduation party. As much as I love traditional invites, sadly, tradition is heeding way to technology. Instead of calling, she should turn to her social media accounts to initiate invitations.

I have used Facebook for three events in the past year. I received more RSVPs than I ever would have gotten with mailed paper invitations. That said, however, most people did not show up and never bothered to respond. It resulted in wasted food and guests taking home extra favor bags. However, this was my fault. I easily could have posted a message asking for a head count before making final arrangements.

— Everything Online Now

Dear Everything: Your fault? No, dear. The fault lies with those who are too inconsiderate to tell you whether they plan to attend an event that you have been kind enough to invite them to. It doesn’t matter whether the invitations are mailed or sent electronically. (And many people do not have Facebook accounts. Really.)

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Special to The Enterprise

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Davis Enterprise does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Going green at church, school, everywhere

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Former caretaker convicted of murder, elder abuse

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1, 4 Comments | Gallery

    Old friend helps Brad and others find kidneys

    By Dave Jones | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Chuck Rairdan joins school board race

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1, 1 Comment

     
    For the record

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

     
    UCD to host Global Health Day event

    By Cory Golden | From Page: A2

    Ukraine insurgents reject call to quit buildings

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2, 3 Comments

     
    Need a new best friend?

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
    ‘Hitchhiking’ dog looking for new home

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
    Online K-12 school holds info night

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Volkssporting Club plans North Davis walks

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Schwenger lawn signs available

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A4

    Volunteers needed for Grad Night

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Davis grad makes rain collection a business

    By Jason McAlister | From Page: A4 | Gallery

    A few spots left on history tour

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Chipotle fundraiser boosts Emerson tech upgrade

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Event to provide nature scholarship

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Students have new options on leasing front

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5 | Gallery

    Groups join for a day of service

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

     
    NAMI backers walk in Sacramento

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

     
    Food for the hungry

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A10

    .

    Forum

    Dad makes mom look bad

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B5

     
    More tax money? Answer the question

    By Rich Rifkin | From Page: A6, 3 Comments

     
    UCD IS responsible for students

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6, 2 Comments

    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

     
    In search of great ideas

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

    Please keep the nursery open

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    Early help is a great investment

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    .

    Sports

    Sharks double up Kings in Game 1

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

     
    Aggies lose a slugfest in opener at Riverside

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    Fox coming to UCD; Riffle heads to Florida

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1

     
    DHS’ Golston goes full-bore on the diamond

    By Thomas Oide | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Devils show more life in loss to Mitty

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    DYSA roundup: Intensity has big week; 10U games dominate schedule

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

    Pro baseball roundup: Susac sends Sacramento to a rare loss

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

     
    Sports briefs: Aggies set the academic bar high

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B8 | Gallery

    .

    Features

    .

    Arts

    ‘Transcendence’: A whole new level of tedium

    By Derrick Bang | From Page: A11 | Gallery

     
    ‘The Bloom’ paves way for Whole Earth Festival

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

    DHS tribute to Tony Fields slated for April 25-26

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

     
    UCD, city team up for Music on the Green

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

    .

    Business

    Ford turns its Focus to domestic market

    By Ali Arsham | From Page: B3 | Gallery

     
    .

    Obituaries

    .

    Comics

    Comics: Friday, April 18, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: A9

     
    .

    Real Estate Review

    Featured Listing

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER1

    Professional Services Directory

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER2

    Lyon Real Estate

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER3

    Jamie Madison

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER4

    Yolo FCU

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER4

    Acacia at Huntington Square

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER4

    Travis Credit Union

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER5

    Kim Eichorn

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER6

    Suzanne Kimmel

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER6

    Lynne Wegner

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER7

    Kim Merrel Lamb

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER7

    Chris Snow

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER8

    Patricia Echevarria

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER8

    Sheryl Patterson

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER9

    Don Guthrie

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER9

    Andrew Dowling

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER9

    Coldwell Banker

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER10

    Coldwell Banker

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER11

    Julie Partain & Dick Partain

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER12

    Heather Barnes

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER12

    Malek Baroody

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER13

    Karen Waggoner

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER14

    Willowbank Park

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER14

    Julie Leonard

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER15

    Tim Harrison

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER15

    Team Traverso

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER15

    Tracy Harris

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER16

    Lori Prizmich

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER16

    Raul Zamora

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER17

    Joe Kaplan

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER17

    Coldwell Banker

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER18

    Open House Map

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER19

    F1rst Street Real Estate

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER20