Sunday, October 19, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

But the truth will hurt

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | June 26, 2014 |

Dear Annie: My husband had an affair for three years. I had no idea this was going on until he told me and filed for divorce.

We have two teenage children, and I haven’t talked very much with them about the situation. I’ve never mentioned his girlfriend. I don’t even know whether he is still seeing the woman.

My daughter, who is 18, told me that she’s been asked by others whether one of us cheated and that’s why we are divorcing. I skirted the question and asked how she replied to this, and she said, “I told them it was none of their business.” She never asked me outright whether this is what happened in our case, so I didn’t tell her.

I don’t know whether or not I should say anything. Should I tell them to ask their father? After all, it’s not really my information to share. What happens if it comes up later and Dad decides to bring his girlfriend to a family event? That would devastate me. I think it would be good to have all of the information out in the open before that happens.

My daughter has a great deal of disdain for people who cheat on their spouses, and I don’t want to hurt the excellent relationship she now has with her father. The two of them have become very close since we separated, and I’m glad about that. Part of me wants to tell my children now and get it out of the way. I don’t want my daughter to think I’m giving her information in order to “get her on my side.” But I also don’t want her to be angry with me for withholding information that other family members know about. What do you say?

— Worrier

Dear Worrier: If your daughter asks directly whether one of you cheated, you should be honest without sounding bitter. But it seems as though she may not actually want to know. If her fears are confirmed, she may feel forced to distance herself from Dad. Should she find out later from other relatives and blame you for withholding the information, simply tell her that you didn’t want to damage the close relationship she had with her father, which is a commendable stance to take. We think she will forgive you.

————

Dear Annie: My husband and I recently received an invitation from “Debbie” to a cocktail party celebrating her high school graduation. We don’t know Debbie, but her grandmother used to work for our business.

We aren’t sure how to respond. Normally a gift is expected, yet we don’t feel it’s appropriate, being that we have never met her and don’t know her parents, either. Is it appropriate to just send a card? Do we just ignore the invitation?

— Questioning Con-grad-ulations

Dear Questioning: Please don’t ignore an invitation to any event where the hostess may be counting heads to ensure sufficient food and drink. But you are not obligated to give a graduation gift to someone so distantly connected. A card of congratulations is perfectly appropriate and more than enough.

————

Dear Annie: I read your column every day and have felt the pain of so many parents whose children are estranged. When my wife and I separated a decade ago, my daughter refused to communicate with me. Birthday cards and gifts were returned unopened.

I finally received a terse reply to an email, saying she does not want anything more to do with me. She will not tell me her reasons. She also won’t tell her mother or brother so they could pass the information on to me.

This has been hurtful, but I have accepted her decision. I honestly believe the children who treat their parents or grandparents this way are the losers. I am now happily remarried to a wonderful woman and have two great stepdaughters who love me very much. My life is wonderful.

— A Happy Old Man

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Creators Syndicate

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    $18.75M grant aims to build global food security

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Return to sender: MRAP removal options go to council

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Housing First pilot project targets West Sac homeless

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1

    Howzat! Cricket tradition grows in Davis

    By Lily Holmes | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Hawaii hit by winds, rain as hurricane veers west

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    For the record

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

    Evidentiary hearing set for man shot by CHP

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

     
    Cop witnesses car-pedestrian collision

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

    Safe viewing of solar eclipse planned

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

     
    Fill the Boot for the hungry

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A3

    Crash victim ID’d as Woodland man

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A3

     
    Guns to be discharged at police range

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A3

    Donate used books at Co-op

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Love-life tips on ‘Heart to Heart’

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Wolk sets ‘Morning with the Mayor’

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Volunteers sought to chip in on parks cleanup

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    DHS ski and snowboard swap set on Nov. 9

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Quiz Master Gardeners at open house

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Firefighters on the town

    By Wayne Tilcock | From Page: A3

    Senior Computer Club hears from county official

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Celebrate origami at Davis library

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Esparto home targeted in three-city pot bust

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A4

     
    Apply by Friday for Biberstein grants

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Wolk earns perfect score from senior advocates

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

    UCD celebrates 50 years of global agricultural success

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9 | Gallery

     
    Special education information night scheduled

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A11

    Be on the lookout for tagged Monarch butterflies

    By Kathy Keatley Garvey | From Page: A16 | Gallery

     
    .

    Forum

    Old news disturbs the present

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    Are we there yet? Yik Yakking the day away

    By Tanya Perez | From Page: A8

    Take time to reach out for help

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: A8

     
    A bionic hand with feeling

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A8

    Ain’t Snow Mountain high enough

    By Our View | From Page: A14

     
    Proposed lights harm kids

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A14

    Teach cyclists to obey laws

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A14

     
    Let’s take Davis’ energy future seriously

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A14

    Be careful cycling on Fifth

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A15

     
    Water theater isn’t fun

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A15

    Elect Granda to board

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A15

     
    Yes on Prop. 47: reasonable changes to curb recidivism, save money

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A15

    No on Prop. 47: an end to safe neighborhoods, and more victims

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A15

     
    .

    Sports

    Vargas emerges from crowded Aggie WR corps

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Competitive Aggies fall at No. 6/7 Montana

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Devils stick it to Chico, cancer

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    JV Devils fall to Franklin

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

     
    Niemi leads Sharks to win

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

    UCD roundup: Big crowd sees Aggies nip Guachos

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B8 | Gallery

     
    .

    Features

    .

    Arts

    .

    Business

     
    Davis is a temple for fine beverages

    By Wendy Weitzel | From Page: A5 | Gallery

    Arcadia Biosciences earns spot on global innovation list

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

     
    35 employers will be at West Sac job fair

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

    Rob White: Building an economy on innovation

    By Rob White | From Page: A6

     
    .

    Obituaries

    Peggy Belenis Swisher

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Sadie Louise Barga

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

    Morgan Wheeler

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Sunday, October 19, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B8