Thursday, January 29, 2015
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Cancer creating tremendous pressure

AnniesMailbox

Dear Annie: My daughter, “Elizabeth,” is a professional who is married to an older man. I’ll call him “Jacob.” They have two children.

Elizabeth recently was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and is going through intense chemotherapy. Early in her treatment, Jacob used to help a lot around the house with laundry and meals, and took good care of the kids. But she is halfway through her treatments, and although Jacob still looks after Elizabeth and the children, he expects her to do a lot more around the house. Of course, as soon as Elizabeth feels a little strong, she goes beyond her capacity and does too much.

This aggravates me. Elizabeth never demands that Jacob help more. I had an argument with him over it. On the day of one of her treatments, I reminded him to be home in time to pick up the oldest child from school. He replied, “I will see when I will be finished at my mother’s.” I told him that on the day of the chemo, he cannot leave his wife alone with two children, supper and homework time. It is very tiring for her. He said he does not need to be reminded. Then we got into an argument, and he said we do not love him, we only do things for our daughter, and we are lucky he does not close the door in our faces.

Annie, I worry about Elizabeth’s strength. We help as much as we can by cooking some meals, picking up the oldest from school, helping him with homework and taking the youngest so Elizabeth can rest. But Jacob allows her to do the laundry, cooking and shopping while he cuts the bushes, cleans the gutters and prays (he is very religious). She is not going to get well if she is exhausted.

My sweet daughter always takes her husband’s side, and my husband tells me to look after my own health, because I had a mild heart attack a few months ago. How do we handle this?

— Distraught Mother

Dear Distraught: We know you want Jacob to take over all of these chores, and we agree that he should do more on the days when Elizabeth has her chemo. But try to be more compassionate. Jacob is going through a difficult period, too, and also needs a break.

Please do what you can for your daughter’s family. It is a great help when you can cook a meal or take the kids. If you can afford to hire someone to assist on the days when Elizabeth has a chemo treatment, that would be an amazing gift. Otherwise, please back off a bit. You are not helping yourself or your daughter by getting into fights with her husband and adding stress to her life.

————

Dear Annie: “Iowa” wrote to say that her mother suggested she put down her 13-year-old cat because he has diabetes. She was upset that Mom was so negative. But Mom may be wiser than you think.

I cared for my 18-year-old diabetic cat, who needed insulin shots daily. While the shots are easy to administer, the main problem is having to schedule your entire life around those injections. If “Iowa” is still in school, has a boyfriend and perhaps a part-time job and a busy social calendar, she might discover the responsibility of daily shots at regular times is a lot to incorporate. I was unable to accept a job that required irregular shifts and had to forgo summer vacations that involved being out of town unless I could take my cat with me.

Because I made significant sacrifices for my cat, she enjoyed a good quality of life for five years. But the commitment is far more than just poking the cat with a needle. It is a major responsibility she cannot shirk when something more interesting comes up.

— Lifetime Cat Lover

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Work continues to modernize Davis Healthcare Center

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1

     
    Holman continues to educate and inspire

    By Daniella Tutino | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    ‘Huck’ and ‘Tom’ float old Arboretum dock to removal

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Teens arrested after midnight joyride

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

     
    Biologists: Raising California dam would harm salmon

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2 | Gallery

    Make your own SoulCollage on Sunday

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

     
    Overweight video game avatars ‘play’ worse than fit ones

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
    Meet the mayor for coffee at Peet’s

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Author joins radio show

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

     
    Walk through Quail Ridge Reserve on Feb. 14

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Calling all chicken owners: Apply for coop crawl, share information

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Hopmans named associate vice provost for global affairs

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

     
    Tips to protect skin this winter

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6

    Review motivation to refresh your healthy-habits plan

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6 | Gallery

     
    For health and healthy appearance, there’s just one quick fix

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

    Measles outbreak grows

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A9

     
    NAMI-Yolo examines inpatient services at potluck

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

    .

    Forum

    Basement living, with attitude to match

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    50 years since Ash Hall

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10 | Gallery

    Can climate change bring us together?

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

     
    Paso Fino coming to a vote

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

    .

    Sports

    Aggies still looking for record hoops win

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    Blue Devil Hammond has a huge day at home

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Pent up? Join Davis’ latest athletic event

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Two in a row for Devil boys

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    UCD roundup: Aggie football players crack the books

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

     
    Youth roundup: Harper hoopsters off to hot start

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

    Treys send Toronto past Kings

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

     
    .

    Features

    What’s happening

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A8

     
    College Corner: Have wanderlust? Go overseas for college

    By Jennifer Borenstein | From Page: A8

    District learns from bomb threat incident

    By Kellen Browning | From Page: A8

     
    It’s Girl Scout Cookie time!

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A8 | Gallery

    Feenstra-Fisher wedding

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9

     
    .

    Arts

     
    A rose by any other name — if there is one

    By Michael Lewis | From Page: A11

    Acclaimed guitarist Adrian Legg to play at The Palms on Saturday

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A11 | Gallery

     
    Show explores the evolution of dance

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    James George Tingus

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Thursday, January 29, 2015

    By Creator | From Page: B6