Thursday, January 29, 2015
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Can’t get any alone time

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | January 14, 2014 |

Dear Annie: My problem is my in-laws. They do not have any friends or hobbies, so they choose to cling to us. They insist on doing everything we do, going everywhere we go.

Our children are active in sports and often play on the weekends. That means we spend every weekend with my in-laws. They talk to their son the whole time about nonsense, not even caring that they are distracting him and everyone around who is trying to watch the kids’ activities. My husband and I don’t get to spend much time together, and there’s no opportunity to do it at our kids’ games because the in-laws stand between us and take over any conversation.

My husband won’t say anything, but it’s driving me nuts. I’ve tried not giving them the kids’ schedules, but that doesn’t help. They invite us for dinner at least once a month and get their feelings hurt when we can’t go. They believe we should come for every holiday. They don’t ever consider that we might want to be alone with our kids or that there is family on my side whom we might want to see.

My in-laws are nice people, but I want to be able to do stuff with my husband and kids without them being there every time. This has been causing problems between my husband and me. Please, grandparents, find a hobby.

— Smothered in California

Dear Smothered: This is an issue of boundaries. Dinner once a month with the in-laws is not excessive if the encounters are nontoxic. And they should be able to attend their grandchildren’s sporting events for a few hours on a weekend. However, you are right that they seem to intrude on a great deal of your family time, and their expectations are out of line. It’s OK to tell them “no” politely but firmly. Please discuss this with your husband so you are in agreement. His parents will learn to live with the disappointment, but your husband must back you up.

————

Dear Annie: I am raising my two granddaughters because their parents are in jail. I love them, but I never get a break unless I can pay a babysitter, and it is a bit much. No one ever offers to take them, including the other grandparents, my siblings and my friends.

I understand that people have their own problems, but it is discouraging to see that no one cares enough to offer even a little help, and it would mean so much. I know I am doing what’s best for my grandchildren, which makes it worthwhile regardless, but I am an

— Exhausted Grandmother

Dear Grandmother: Have you asked these people directly to give you a breather? If not, please do so. You are obviously a loving grandmother, but there’s no reason to be a martyr, waiting for others to offer assistance. Tell the other grandparents that you would like them to take the children next weekend. If they refuse, tell them to choose the weekend they prefer. Ask your siblings to spend a few hours with the kids on a Saturday. And contact AARP (aarp.org) for information on grandparents raising grandchildren and resources for respite care.

————

Dear Annie: “A Friend of Waiters” was disturbed by her friend’s treatment of restaurant staff, complaining and sending food back to the kitchen.

I have a relative who is similarly difficult. Whenever we go out, I choose a buffet style restaurant. This way, she can see what she is getting and choose accordingly. If she doesn’t like her choice, she can leave it and try something else. There is no waitstaff to berate or reason to demand that dishes be sent back. The worst she has ever done at a buffet restaurant is complain that our table was not clean enough.

— Figured It Out

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Work continues to modernize Davis Healthcare Center

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1

     
    Holman continues to educate and inspire

    By Daniella Tutino | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    ‘Huck’ and ‘Tom’ float old Arboretum dock to removal

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Author joins radio show

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

    Meet the mayor for coffee at Peet’s

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Make your own SoulCollage on Sunday

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

     
    Overweight video game avatars ‘play’ worse than fit ones

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3 | Gallery

    Calling all chicken owners: Apply for coop crawl, share information

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Walk through Quail Ridge Reserve on Feb. 14

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Hopmans named associate vice provost for global affairs

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

    Review motivation to refresh your healthy-habits plan

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6 | Gallery

     
    Tips to protect skin this winter

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6

    For health and healthy appearance, there’s just one quick fix

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

     
    .

    Forum

    50 years since Ash Hall

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10 | Gallery

     
    Can climate change bring us together?

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

    Paso Fino coming to a vote

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

     
    .

    Sports

    Aggies still looking for record hoops win

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    Blue Devil Hammond has a huge day at home

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Pent up? Join Davis’ latest athletic event

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Two in a row for Devil boys

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    UCD roundup: Aggie football players crack the books

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

     
    Youth roundup: Harper hoopsters off to hot start

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

    Treys send Toronto past Kings

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

     
    .

    Features

    What’s happening

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A8

     
    College Corner: Have wanderlust? Go overseas for college

    By Jennifer Borenstein | From Page: A8

    District learns from bomb threat incident

    By Kellen Browning | From Page: A8

     
    It’s Girl Scout Cookie time!

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A8 | Gallery

    Feenstra-Fisher wedding

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9

     
    .

    Arts

    Show explores the evolution of dance

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

     
    A rose by any other name — if there is one

    By Michael Lewis | From Page: A11

     
    Acclaimed guitarist Adrian Legg to play at The Palms on Saturday

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A11 | Gallery

    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    James George Tingus

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Thursday, January 29, 2015

    By Creator | From Page: B6