Friday, September 19, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Can’t get any alone time

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | January 14, 2014 |

Dear Annie: My problem is my in-laws. They do not have any friends or hobbies, so they choose to cling to us. They insist on doing everything we do, going everywhere we go.

Our children are active in sports and often play on the weekends. That means we spend every weekend with my in-laws. They talk to their son the whole time about nonsense, not even caring that they are distracting him and everyone around who is trying to watch the kids’ activities. My husband and I don’t get to spend much time together, and there’s no opportunity to do it at our kids’ games because the in-laws stand between us and take over any conversation.

My husband won’t say anything, but it’s driving me nuts. I’ve tried not giving them the kids’ schedules, but that doesn’t help. They invite us for dinner at least once a month and get their feelings hurt when we can’t go. They believe we should come for every holiday. They don’t ever consider that we might want to be alone with our kids or that there is family on my side whom we might want to see.

My in-laws are nice people, but I want to be able to do stuff with my husband and kids without them being there every time. This has been causing problems between my husband and me. Please, grandparents, find a hobby.

— Smothered in California

Dear Smothered: This is an issue of boundaries. Dinner once a month with the in-laws is not excessive if the encounters are nontoxic. And they should be able to attend their grandchildren’s sporting events for a few hours on a weekend. However, you are right that they seem to intrude on a great deal of your family time, and their expectations are out of line. It’s OK to tell them “no” politely but firmly. Please discuss this with your husband so you are in agreement. His parents will learn to live with the disappointment, but your husband must back you up.

————

Dear Annie: I am raising my two granddaughters because their parents are in jail. I love them, but I never get a break unless I can pay a babysitter, and it is a bit much. No one ever offers to take them, including the other grandparents, my siblings and my friends.

I understand that people have their own problems, but it is discouraging to see that no one cares enough to offer even a little help, and it would mean so much. I know I am doing what’s best for my grandchildren, which makes it worthwhile regardless, but I am an

— Exhausted Grandmother

Dear Grandmother: Have you asked these people directly to give you a breather? If not, please do so. You are obviously a loving grandmother, but there’s no reason to be a martyr, waiting for others to offer assistance. Tell the other grandparents that you would like them to take the children next weekend. If they refuse, tell them to choose the weekend they prefer. Ask your siblings to spend a few hours with the kids on a Saturday. And contact AARP (aarp.org) for information on grandparents raising grandchildren and resources for respite care.

————

Dear Annie: “A Friend of Waiters” was disturbed by her friend’s treatment of restaurant staff, complaining and sending food back to the kitchen.

I have a relative who is similarly difficult. Whenever we go out, I choose a buffet style restaurant. This way, she can see what she is getting and choose accordingly. If she doesn’t like her choice, she can leave it and try something else. There is no waitstaff to berate or reason to demand that dishes be sent back. The worst she has ever done at a buffet restaurant is complain that our table was not clean enough.

— Figured It Out

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Grant means new push for moving tracks out of town

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Some say council needs to reconsider MRAP

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1

    UC to create $250 million venture capital fund

    By San Francisco Chronicle | From Page: A1

     
    School district may redevelop downtown site

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1

     
    Master Gardeners share their wisdom at free workshops

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

    Scots vote to stay in UK

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    France strikes Islamic State group’s depot in Iraq

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Man faces arson charge in huge California wildfire

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    DUI suspected in crash

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

    Woodland Healthcare offering flu shots

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Storyteller will draw on music, dance

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Putah Creek Bike Path to close temporarily

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Little Free Libraries open at Montgomery

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A3

     
    Project Linus seeks donations

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Rabid bat found at Holmes Junior High

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Students invited to apply for Blue & White grants

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Telling tales, on ‘Davisville’

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Halloween costume sale benefits preschool

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Volunteers sought to make veggie bags

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Register to vote by Oct. 20

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Free workout class set at library

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Explorit: Lots of ways to be a volunteer

    By Lisa Justice | From Page: A4 | Gallery

     
    Sierra Club remembers longtime walker

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

    DHS Classes of 1954 and 1955 will hold 60th reunion

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Nonprofits can get DCN’s help

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Davis maps available at Chamber office

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

     
    Need a new best friend?

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5 | Gallery

    Reception benefits endangered gorillas

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

     
    Downtown history tour planned in October

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

    Wolk applauds approval of stronger rules for olive oil

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

     
    Davis hosts its own climate change rally

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

    Sutter Farmers Market offers local goods

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A8 | Gallery

     
    Qigong classes available for heart health

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

    .

    Forum

    Sick of being the bad guy

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    Cheers and Jeers: Not the end of the rainbow

    By Our View | From Page: A6

    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

     
    Return to previous plan

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Save the ‘pine cone place’

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    Affirm our community values

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Project has safety risks

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    Learn more about Paso Fino

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Educate homeless with dogs

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

     
    .

    Sports

    Aggies’ new energy could be scary for Big West

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1

     
    No rest for the weary: Aggie TE Martindale busy on and off the field

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Devils hope the light bulb turns on at Edison

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    River Cats and Giants sign two-year deal

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    Blue Devil volleyballers hold off Herd

    By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Take Zona and Bama this week

    By Bob Dunning | From Page: B2

    Mustangs are no match for DHS boys in water polo

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

     
    A’s slide continues as Rangers sweep

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

    .

    Features

    Name Droppers: Awards keep coming for UC Davis retiree

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    .

    Business

    Redesigned 2015 Escalade remains breed all its own

    By Ann M. Job | From Page: B3 | Gallery

     
    .

    Obituaries

    .

    Comics

    Comics: Friday, September 19, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: A10

     
    .

    Real Estate Review

    Featured Listing

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER1

    Professional Services Directory

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER2

    Taylor Morrison

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER3

    Malek Baroody

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER4

    Norcal Land

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER5

    Robin Garland

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER6

    Karen Waggoner

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER7

    Dana Hawkins

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER7

    Martha Bernauer

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER8

    Joe Kaplan

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER8

    Lynne Wegner

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER8

    Remax

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER9

    Melrina A Maggiora

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER10

    Wells Fargo Home Mortgage

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER11

    Julie Leonard

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER11

    Coldwell Banker

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER12

    Kim Eichorn

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER14

    Lyon Real Estate

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER15

    Julie Partain

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER16

    Jamie Madison & Associates

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER16

    Marcelo Campos

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER16

    Bob Bockwinkel

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER17

    Juan Ramirez

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER17

    Kim Merrel Lamb

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER17

    Chris Snow

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER18

    James Hanna

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER18

    Raul Zamora

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER19

    Susan von Geldern

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER19

    Travis Credit Union

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER20

    Jamie Madison

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER21

    Karen Waggoner

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER21

    Lisa Haass

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER22

    Tracy Harris

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER22

    First Street Real Estate

    By Zack Snow | From Page: RER24