Wednesday, August 20, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Can’t get any alone time

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | January 14, 2014 |

Dear Annie: My problem is my in-laws. They do not have any friends or hobbies, so they choose to cling to us. They insist on doing everything we do, going everywhere we go.

Our children are active in sports and often play on the weekends. That means we spend every weekend with my in-laws. They talk to their son the whole time about nonsense, not even caring that they are distracting him and everyone around who is trying to watch the kids’ activities. My husband and I don’t get to spend much time together, and there’s no opportunity to do it at our kids’ games because the in-laws stand between us and take over any conversation.

My husband won’t say anything, but it’s driving me nuts. I’ve tried not giving them the kids’ schedules, but that doesn’t help. They invite us for dinner at least once a month and get their feelings hurt when we can’t go. They believe we should come for every holiday. They don’t ever consider that we might want to be alone with our kids or that there is family on my side whom we might want to see.

My in-laws are nice people, but I want to be able to do stuff with my husband and kids without them being there every time. This has been causing problems between my husband and me. Please, grandparents, find a hobby.

— Smothered in California

Dear Smothered: This is an issue of boundaries. Dinner once a month with the in-laws is not excessive if the encounters are nontoxic. And they should be able to attend their grandchildren’s sporting events for a few hours on a weekend. However, you are right that they seem to intrude on a great deal of your family time, and their expectations are out of line. It’s OK to tell them “no” politely but firmly. Please discuss this with your husband so you are in agreement. His parents will learn to live with the disappointment, but your husband must back you up.

————

Dear Annie: I am raising my two granddaughters because their parents are in jail. I love them, but I never get a break unless I can pay a babysitter, and it is a bit much. No one ever offers to take them, including the other grandparents, my siblings and my friends.

I understand that people have their own problems, but it is discouraging to see that no one cares enough to offer even a little help, and it would mean so much. I know I am doing what’s best for my grandchildren, which makes it worthwhile regardless, but I am an

— Exhausted Grandmother

Dear Grandmother: Have you asked these people directly to give you a breather? If not, please do so. You are obviously a loving grandmother, but there’s no reason to be a martyr, waiting for others to offer assistance. Tell the other grandparents that you would like them to take the children next weekend. If they refuse, tell them to choose the weekend they prefer. Ask your siblings to spend a few hours with the kids on a Saturday. And contact AARP (aarp.org) for information on grandparents raising grandchildren and resources for respite care.

————

Dear Annie: “A Friend of Waiters” was disturbed by her friend’s treatment of restaurant staff, complaining and sending food back to the kitchen.

I have a relative who is similarly difficult. Whenever we go out, I choose a buffet style restaurant. This way, she can see what she is getting and choose accordingly. If she doesn’t like her choice, she can leave it and try something else. There is no waitstaff to berate or reason to demand that dishes be sent back. The worst she has ever done at a buffet restaurant is complain that our table was not clean enough.

— Figured It Out

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

.

News

Summer jobs aren’t always in the bag

By Spencer Ault | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Davis Arts Center gets a new look, thanks to Brooks

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A1 | Gallery

More details emerge in Woodland officer shootings

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Report details the face of hunger in Yolo County

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Bob Dunning: Taking on a Specktacular challenge

By Bob Dunning | From Page: A2 | Gallery

For the record

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

 
Students can practice safe bike routes to junior highs

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

‘Monsters University’ to be screened in Central Park

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
California regulators approve PG&E rate hike

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

America’s ‘it’ school? Look west, Harvard

By New York Times News Service | From Page: B3

 
School board preps for new academic year

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A3

The big moveout, on ‘Davisville’

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Sunder campaign will be at Farmers Market

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Classic car show slated in Woodland

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Public opinion sought about Nishi Gateway

By Lily Holmes | From Page: A4

 
Davis Art Garage honored; bench dedication set

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8 | Gallery

Woodland historical award winners announced

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A8

 
.

Forum

Can’t understand this change

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

 
Delta-friendly water bond is a win for all of California

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

Bravo! The road diet works

By Rich Rifkin | From Page: A6

 
Support water bond in November

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

Relay for Life team says thanks

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
Tom Meyer cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

.

Sports

Hard hoops schedule features defending national champs at UCD

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Crisp’s big hit helps A’s

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Aggie QB is back to pass … Touchdown, Tina! Tina?

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Sacramento scores early to snap skid

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B8

 
Unplayable? Cubs, rain hand Giants a loss

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

UCD roundup: Aggie gymnasts are awesome at academics

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B8 | Gallery

 
.

Features

Food that travels well for cooking out

By Julie Cross | From Page: A5 | Gallery

 
.

Arts

 
Visit Crawfish and Catfish Festival in Woodland

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

Artists invited to paint at Yolo Bypass Wildlife Area

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7 | Gallery

 
Goldberg, Milstein to play at Village Homes

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7 | Gallery

The voice on the CD comes alive at Music Together concert

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

 
Crowd funding campaign offers support for Art Theater of Davis

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

 
.

Business

.

Obituaries

Railroad museum will host Aberbach memorial

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

Comics: Wednesday, August 20, 2014

By Creator | From Page: B6