Sunday, September 21, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Caregiver at wits’ end

AnniesMailbox

By
From page C4 | October 07, 2011 |

Dear Annie: My wife, “Elizabeth,” is wheelchair bound with multiple sclerosis and needs constant care, which I have been doing alone for years.

Our family members become irritated when we don’t attend birthdays, weddings or other family gatherings. They show no concern for the massive effort on my part to get my beautiful wife up and around. It’s always about them. When I had bypass surgery, only my mother and one niece and her husband visited while I was in the hospital. It’s a me, me, me world for them.

These relatives think all gatherings should be at my house with me doing all the work. They sit at the table watching me prepare, cook and serve the meal while simultaneously attending to my wife’s needs. I have explained that I will no longer wait on them.

Neither side of the family has offered any assistance or relief, and it aggravates the bejeevers out of me that they think I’m some kind of spoilsport. They say I am “anti-family.” As my wife’s disease progresses, this is only going to get worse.

I have attempted to talk to the relatives, but their needs always supersede mine. Do you have any suggestions?

— Maine Husband

Dear Maine: Your devotion to your wife is lovely, but your relatives apparently aren’t willing to put forth the energy to deal with your endless day-to-day needs. You cannot count on them to come through for you, so please do whatever is necessary to cope. Contact the National Family Caregivers Association (nfcacares.org) and the National Multiple Sclerosis Society (nationalmssociety.org) for support.

And if you choose to host a family gathering, do not hesitate to delegate chores in advance. Have siblings bring specific food items. Assign clean-up duties to the nieces and nephews. Tell them you enjoy seeing the family, but gatherings at your home necessitate that everyone pitch in.

————

Dear Annie: My problem is a so-called friend who believes she’s an expert on everything. She sucks the oxygen out of every conversation and has alienated her family and most of her friends. Talking to her is downright painful. She has said to me, “Janet ended our phone conversation so abruptly it was almost as if she hung up on me.” She is clueless. She also refers to me as her “best friend,” which I am not. I have best friends and know the difference. Those special relationships are filled with give and take and have been nurtured for decades. I have known Ms. Know-it-All for two years and am more tolerant than most, but I think I’m done. I am not a mean person, and not returning her phone calls seems cruel. How do I end this relationship?

— California

Dear California: This is one of those situations where you have nothing to lose by being honest, and it might do some good. Tell Ms. Know-it-All that her need to impress everyone by claiming expertise in every subject gives the impression that she is insecure and makes conversation exhausting. Be polite and apologetic for hurting her feelings, and explain that you thought she should know so she can work on it.

————

Dear Annie: “Suffering Soon-To-Be Ex” made the mistake of joking that he wished he’d grabbed his wife’s sister. Now his wife won’t forgive him. I can relate to his wife.

My husband and I sat with a large group of friends one evening, and my husband made the comment that he had more fun when I wasn’t there. It ruined the weekend not only for me, but for our friends, as well. I will remember that comment and carry the hurt for a very long time.

— My Sympathies to the Woman

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Elementary school counselors: necessary, but poorly funded

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
     
    Bet Haverim hosts High Holy Day services

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A1

     
    Driver arrested for DUI after Saturday morning crash

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

     
    Teams assess damage as wildfire burns

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2 | Gallery

     
    Help raise funds for juvenile diabetes cure

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Jewelry, art for sale at Senior Center

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Davis Community Meals needs cooks

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Da Vinci awarded $38,000 for restorative justice program

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A4

     
    Hawk Hill trip planned Sept. 30

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    UC campus chancellors granted hefty pay raises

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

     
    Send kids to camp!

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Outdoor yoga marathon celebrates community

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

     
    Wise words

    By Sue Cockrell | From Page: A12

     
    .

    Forum

    Awareness is key to this fight

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    Where is this going?

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: A6

    We’re living in the Golden State of emergency

    By Debra DeAngelo | From Page: A6

     
    Options for protection come with flu season

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

    Are we there yet? Not enough hours in the day to goof off

    By Tanya Perez | From Page: A6Comments are off for this post

     
    Building something at schools’ HQ

    By Our View | From Page: A10

    Don’t sell city greenbelt

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

     
    Paso Fino project is flawed

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

    Paso Fino — it’s not worth it

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

     
    Archer will get my vote

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

    It’s time for Davis Scouts to stand up for what is right

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

     
    Mike Keefe cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A10

    Maybe David can beat Goliath again

    By Lynne Nittler | From Page: A11 | Gallery

     
    Speak out

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

    .

    Sports

    DHS gets on its Morse to beat Edison

    By Thomas Oide | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    JV Blue Devils drop low-scoring affair

    By Spencer Ault | From Page: B2

     
    Republic FC’s fairy tale season continues

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B3 | Gallery

    Wire briefs: Giants rally falls short in San Diego

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

     
    Four local swimmers qualify for Olympic Trials

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3

    UCD roundup: Aggie men pound Pomona-Pitzer in the pool

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B4

     
    ‘We’re a way better team’ than record, says UCD’s Shaffer

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B4 | Gallery

    Davis 15-year-old making a splash in European F4 series

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B8 | Gallery

     
    .

    Features

    .

    Arts

    ‘Ladies Foursome’ adds shows

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    .

    Business

    UCD grad’s startup earns kudos at TechCrunch event

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

     
    Styles on target for November debut

    By Wendy Weitzel | From Page: A7

    MBI hires VP of marketing

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    Taylor Morrison unveils new Woodland community next weekend

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9 | Gallery

    Rob White: What is an ‘innovation center’?

    By Rob White | From Page: A9

     
    .

    Obituaries

    Carol L. Walsh

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Sunday, September 21, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B8