Thursday, April 17, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Caregiver at wits’ end

AnniesMailbox

Dear Annie: My wife, “Elizabeth,” is wheelchair bound with multiple sclerosis and needs constant care, which I have been doing alone for years.

Our family members become irritated when we don’t attend birthdays, weddings or other family gatherings. They show no concern for the massive effort on my part to get my beautiful wife up and around. It’s always about them. When I had bypass surgery, only my mother and one niece and her husband visited while I was in the hospital. It’s a me, me, me world for them.

These relatives think all gatherings should be at my house with me doing all the work. They sit at the table watching me prepare, cook and serve the meal while simultaneously attending to my wife’s needs. I have explained that I will no longer wait on them.

Neither side of the family has offered any assistance or relief, and it aggravates the bejeevers out of me that they think I’m some kind of spoilsport. They say I am “anti-family.” As my wife’s disease progresses, this is only going to get worse.

I have attempted to talk to the relatives, but their needs always supersede mine. Do you have any suggestions?

— Maine Husband

Dear Maine: Your devotion to your wife is lovely, but your relatives apparently aren’t willing to put forth the energy to deal with your endless day-to-day needs. You cannot count on them to come through for you, so please do whatever is necessary to cope. Contact the National Family Caregivers Association (nfcacares.org) and the National Multiple Sclerosis Society (nationalmssociety.org) for support.

And if you choose to host a family gathering, do not hesitate to delegate chores in advance. Have siblings bring specific food items. Assign clean-up duties to the nieces and nephews. Tell them you enjoy seeing the family, but gatherings at your home necessitate that everyone pitch in.

————

Dear Annie: My problem is a so-called friend who believes she’s an expert on everything. She sucks the oxygen out of every conversation and has alienated her family and most of her friends. Talking to her is downright painful. She has said to me, “Janet ended our phone conversation so abruptly it was almost as if she hung up on me.” She is clueless. She also refers to me as her “best friend,” which I am not. I have best friends and know the difference. Those special relationships are filled with give and take and have been nurtured for decades. I have known Ms. Know-it-All for two years and am more tolerant than most, but I think I’m done. I am not a mean person, and not returning her phone calls seems cruel. How do I end this relationship?

— California

Dear California: This is one of those situations where you have nothing to lose by being honest, and it might do some good. Tell Ms. Know-it-All that her need to impress everyone by claiming expertise in every subject gives the impression that she is insecure and makes conversation exhausting. Be polite and apologetic for hurting her feelings, and explain that you thought she should know so she can work on it.

————

Dear Annie: “Suffering Soon-To-Be Ex” made the mistake of joking that he wished he’d grabbed his wife’s sister. Now his wife won’t forgive him. I can relate to his wife.

My husband and I sat with a large group of friends one evening, and my husband made the comment that he had more fun when I wasn’t there. It ruined the weekend not only for me, but for our friends, as well. I will remember that comment and carry the hurt for a very long time.

— My Sympathies to the Woman

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Special to The Enterprise

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Davis Enterprise does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Davis wins USA Today Best Cycling Town honor

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1

     
    Benefit set to help local bike legend

    By Adrian Glass-Moore | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Jury deliberates murder, elder-abuse charges

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1

     
    State’s health care sign-ups beat projections

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2, 1 Comment

    For the record

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

     
    California residents divided on drought solution

    By San Francisco Chronicle | From Page: A2

     
    For the record

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A2

    Three killed in attack on Ukrainian base

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2 | Gallery

     
    Downtown post office set to reopen

    By Thomas Oide | From Page: B3

    Run or walk to prevent child abuse in Yolo County

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3 | Gallery

     
    Nominations sought for charity paint giveaway

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3

     
    Scholar will discuss human trafficking in Friday talk

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Per Capita Davis: Now, for some good news

    By John Mott-Smith | From Page: A4

     
    Birch Lane hosts 50th anniversary party

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Hannah Stein reads poetry at gallery

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Davis Food Co-op to offer free bags on Earth Day

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Get in the picture with school board candidate

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    KDVS hosts on-air fundraiser April 21-27

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Tickets on sale for Pence Garden Tour

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Fundraiser planned for Allen’s campaign

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4, 3 Comments

    Food Co-op board plans open house

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Davis Downtown hosts candidate forum

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A4

    Learn more about Google Glass at talk

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Barbecue celebrates winter shelter program

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

    Sign of things to come

    By Fred Gladdis | From Page: A8

     
    Davis Soroptimists celebrate 60 years

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

    .

    Forum

    Fancy meeting you here …

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B5

     
    Don’t miss a Trokanski dance

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Frank Bruni: The oldest hatred, forever young

    By New York Times News Service | From Page: A6, 4 Comments

     
    Expert: Free parking is a myth

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

    Have they really learned?

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    A great community effort

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6, 2 Comments

    Public Health Heroes honored

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

    .

    Sports

    Huge inning propels Pleasant Grove past DHS

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    Giants edge Dodgers

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Foster steps down as Lady Blue Devil basketball coach

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    River Cats’ streak reaches six wins

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    Landry evolves into UCD women’s lacrosse leader

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Youth roundup: Martinez, Chan come up big at gymnastics regional

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

    Kings drop season finale to Suns

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Angels get past A’s in extras

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B8 | Gallery

    .

    Features

    .

    Arts

    Wineaux: Good deals off the beaten path

    By Susan Leonardi | From Page: A7

     
    Rockabilly phenom to play at The Palms

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

    HellaCappella showcases a cappella singing

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    ‘One’ singular sensation to open at DMTC

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

    25th annual state clay competition exhibit at The Artery

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    Tapan Munroe

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Thursday, April 17, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B6