Dear Annie: A few years ago, I had a one-night stand with my married boss while attending a work-related seminar in another town. On the third evening, we had dinner and drinks, and one thing led to another. We had always been attracted to each other, and co-workers noticed all the flirting.
We resumed our work relationship, although we stopped having occasional lunches together like we used to. He told me once that what we did was wrong, and it took him a long time to get past the guilt. Apparently, his wife always suspected that we were more than co-workers.
My boss retired two years ago, but I can’t seem to stop missing him, thinking about him and wondering what’s happening in his life. I’d like to get in touch with him again, just as a friend, and ask if he’s free for lunch. I know he would not be able to tell his wife about it, but I’m not out to make trouble in his marriage. I haven’t seen my boss since he retired, and I don’t see why having lunch would be wrong. We could catch up on office news. That one-night fling just happened. He apparently regrets it. I don’t.
My husband never asks questions about the seminars I attend, the people I work with or whether I am attracted to other men. I sometimes wish he were more jealous. I need a neutral person to tell me it’s OK to get in touch with my former boss. What’s the harm in an innocent lunch date between two good friends?
Dear Hesitant: Who are you trying to kid? This isn’t “innocent.” You slept with this man. You are still attracted to him. You would be concealing the lunch from his wife. And you want to make your husband jealous. It is obvious that you are looking to rekindle your romance. It’s not OK. Leave the guy alone already.
Dear Annie: My father-in-law is marrying a wonderful woman on July 4th weekend. I am very happy for him. However, my family has been planning a huge family reunion that same weekend. We asked my father-in-law specifically not to plan the wedding at the same time, but they went ahead and did it anyway.
My wife wants me to at least attend the wedding ceremony, but I don’t feel right leaving after Mass. However, a lot of my family members will be in town for the reunion, and I’d like to spend time with them. Now what?
— Spread Thin in Texas
Dear Texas: Your father-in-law knew you had other commitments when he scheduled his wedding. Your wife is right. Attend the ceremony, hang around long enough to congratulate the bride and groom, and then go to your reunion. Your wife can remain at her father’s wedding as long as she chooses and join you later.
Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Driving for Two,” whose husband refuses to drive. There may be another reason besides a phobia.
When my teenage son was 16, we enrolled him in a driver’s education program, which he completed. He then told us he did not want to get his license. He felt it was too expensive to be added to our insurance, not to mention the cost of gas. He also said he didn’t feel confident in his ability to drive safely and that his friends would expect rides and distract him. Since we’re near good public transportation, he asked instead for a monthly bus pass. When he doesn’t take the bus, he walks, bikes or gets rides from friends and family.
“Driving’s” husband may be too embarrassed to say he’s not a good driver. It might help her to weigh that against the ramifications of a serious car accident.
— Wish My Husband Would Stop
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