Dear Annie: For the past two years, my 4-year-old granddaughter has been given medication to “help her enter REM sleep” at night, and the dosage was recently increased. She seems drugged and impossible to wake up.

This drug worries me, and I also have no clue what the long-term effects might be. I mentioned my concerns to my son and daughter-in-law and suggested trying more natural remedies, such as no TV or chocolate or sugary foods at night and perhaps putting her to bed around 7:00 instead of 10:00, but they ignored me.

It is so hard to see a young child taking so much medication at such a young age. When she stays overnight at my house, she is on a calmer routine with regular mealtimes, and she naps and eats and sleeps without any fuss. In fact, she is a joy.

Do you have any suggestions on how I can be a positive influence in her life?

— Worried Grandma

Dear Grandma: Prescribing sleep medication for toddlers is, unfortunately, not uncommon these days, although we are concerned that this pediatrician has kept your granddaughter on heavy drugs for such an extended period. Most pediatricians who recommend medication do so in conjunction with behavioral management techniques — such as winding down before bedtime, no sugar or caffeine, etc. Although you are an expert on those techniques, it is not a good idea to stop any regular medications without first checking with the doctor. But if your granddaughter doesn’t need to take her sleep medication every night, the best thing you can do is ask if she can sleep at your home as often as possible.

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Dear Annie: I have been seeing “Josh” for nearly three years. The problem is, his elderly mother’s birthday is three days after mine, and every year he throws a big family party for her on the nearest Saturday night. Meanwhile, my birthday is mostly forgotten.

Don’t get me wrong, Annie. I think it’s wonderful and considerate that Josh does this for his mother. But I am turning 50 this year. I can’t help feeling unimportant to him and hurt that he’s not planning anything special to celebrate my birthday. After all, his mother’s birthday could easily be an afternoon affair rather than an evening party, allowing him to do both on the same Saturday.

I might mention that I always make a big deal out of his birthday. Is there any way for me to address this without looking petty?

— Hurting

Dear Hurting: We realize your birthday is a big deal, but is there any reason you must celebrate on the same Saturday night as Mom? Have you told Josh how important this birthday is to you? Guys often need to be given direct information rather than obscure hints. Let Josh celebrate his mother’s birthday however he wishes. It will show your generous spirit. But tell him your 50th is a major event for you and it would mean a lot if he did something special that won’t interfere with Mom’s annual party.

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Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Feeling Dejected,” whose three sons live far away and only call a few times a year. Among other things, you said he may need to be less focused on his children. That was a terrible response.

Those kids should call no less than once a month and preferably more. It’s pretty bad when parents nurture and guide their children until they can make a life of their own and then they are pretty much forgotten. A phone call means the world to us parents.

— Concerned in Indiana

Dear Indiana: If we controlled the world, all adult children would call their loving, devoted parents daily and visit once a week. Unfortunately, we cannot make that happen. Parents whose children are neglectful need to find other interests so they don’t obsess about how much they miss their kids.

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Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

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