Sunday, December 21, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Doesn’t feel like helping

AnniesMailbox

By
June 26, 2011 |

Dear Annie: I need to know how to handle my father, who is mean and hateful toward me.

I am 52, and my earliest memories are of this man physically and emotionally abusing me. When I was 10, he would kick me across the yard, call me “tramp” and “slut,” and say I would never amount to anything. My mother saw everything and allowed it to happen. She is still married to him.

My father has managed to embarrass me at work by being a tyrant, calling me every name in the book and threatening to punch me in the face in front of my co-workers. I have other siblings, but they did not suffer as much abuse as I did.

Now that my father is 75 and needs care, how can I be expected to help? To everyone outside the family, he comes across as a decent person, but I want nothing to do with him for as long as he lives.

— No Signature, Please

Dear No: You are not obligated to take care of an abusive parent simply because he needs help. However, if you can afford it, you might choose to offer some financial assistance as a gift to your siblings who will undoubtedly be stuck arranging your father’s care. They may not have suffered as much abuse as you, but certainly their childhood could not have been easy. Contributing financially will ease their burden and alleviate whatever sense of responsibility you may have, without forcing you to deal directly with your father.

————

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 21 years, and he doesn’t seem to be attracted to me anymore. He denies this, but he ignores me and prefers to work on his motorcycle, read or sleep rather than spend time with me.

My husband is often tired from work and goes to sleep after our 10-year-old goes to bed at 8:30. When I come into the bedroom, he doesn’t even look up. There is no affection unless I ask. He is already taking testosterone, so that is not the issue. We have tried counseling and setting up romantic “dates,” but nothing has worked.

I know I am a good wife. I deserve my husband’s love and affection. I am not overweight and still look good at 56. I don’t believe he is interested in anyone else, but in the past, he has had a problem with pornography. He blamed it on not getting enough sex. I was very hurt that he did not discuss it with me.

Our church is holding a marriage retreat in a couple of months, and I’d like to attend, but my husband says he’s not interested. I don’t want a divorce, but I don’t want to feel unloved, either.

— Miserable

Dear Miserable: It will be difficult to ascertain why your husband is no longer interested in you if he is unwilling to discuss it. Some men have a hard time understanding their own motivations and feel it is somehow “not masculine” to talk about intimacy. But they do a disservice to their wives, their marriages and themselves by being so taciturn. Please go back to your counselor on your own and get some help.

————

Dear Annie: “Gone to the Gym” said, “Doctors are in the business of keeping people healthy, and their nurses should be models of good health.” What she means is, nurses should be skinny.

Skinny does not equal healthy. My daughter was diagnosed with a hypothyroid condition at 13 and struggles with her weight. She eats healthfully and works out, but there is no cure. She has been subjected to taunts from cruel high school students who know nothing of her condition, only that she is not a size zero. “Gone to the Gym’s” judgmental attitude is disgusting.

— Outraged in California

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    No-nonsense Musser voted Citizen of the Year

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Sharing a meal, and so much more

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Brinley Plaque honors environmental stalwart

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    What’s new at UCD? Construction projects abound

    By Tanya Perez | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Downtown crash results in DUI arrest

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

    March trial date set in Davis molest case

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

     
    North Korea proposes joint probe over Sony hacking

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    AP sources: Cops’ killer angry over Garner death

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Raul Castro: Don’t expect detente to change Cuban system

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Police seek help in finding runaway twin girls

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

    Pedal around Davis on weekly bike ride

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Supplies collected for victims of abuse

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Donors, volunteers honored on Philanthropy Day

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3 | Gallery

    Enterprise plans Christmas, New Year’s holiday hours

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
     
    Luminaria display planned in West Davis

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Soup’s On will benefit NAMI-Yolo

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Surprise honor is really nice, dude

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5 | Gallery

     
    Konditorei presents free holiday concert

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

    .

    Forum

    It’s not a pretty picture

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B4

     
    Google me this: Should I hit that button?

    By Marion Franck | From Page: B4

     
    E-cigs surpass regular cigarettes among teens

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

    Too late to pick a fight

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A10

     
    All police need to humanize

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

    Are we only a fair-weather bike city?

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

     
    Join us in making our world more just

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

    The electronic equivalent of war

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A11

     
    The Green House effect: Homes where the elderly thrive

    By New York Times News Service | From Page: A11

    .

    Sports

    Stenz shines as DHS girls take a tournament title

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Aggie Manzanares not quite finished carrying the rock

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    UCD women look to improve, despite game at No. 7 Stanford

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Second-half run spurs Aggie men to 8-1

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    49ers fall to San Diego in overtime

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B10

    .

    Features

    .

    Arts

    .

    Business

    Sierra Northern Railway names CEO

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Sink your teeth into Vampire Penguin

    By Wendy Weitzel | From Page: A4 | Gallery

    Marrone Bio expands its product reach in Latin America

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Obituaries

    .

    Comics

    Comics: Sunday, December 21, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B8