Thursday, January 29, 2015
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Doesn’t feel like helping

AnniesMailbox

By
June 26, 2011 |

Dear Annie: I need to know how to handle my father, who is mean and hateful toward me.

I am 52, and my earliest memories are of this man physically and emotionally abusing me. When I was 10, he would kick me across the yard, call me “tramp” and “slut,” and say I would never amount to anything. My mother saw everything and allowed it to happen. She is still married to him.

My father has managed to embarrass me at work by being a tyrant, calling me every name in the book and threatening to punch me in the face in front of my co-workers. I have other siblings, but they did not suffer as much abuse as I did.

Now that my father is 75 and needs care, how can I be expected to help? To everyone outside the family, he comes across as a decent person, but I want nothing to do with him for as long as he lives.

— No Signature, Please

Dear No: You are not obligated to take care of an abusive parent simply because he needs help. However, if you can afford it, you might choose to offer some financial assistance as a gift to your siblings who will undoubtedly be stuck arranging your father’s care. They may not have suffered as much abuse as you, but certainly their childhood could not have been easy. Contributing financially will ease their burden and alleviate whatever sense of responsibility you may have, without forcing you to deal directly with your father.

————

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 21 years, and he doesn’t seem to be attracted to me anymore. He denies this, but he ignores me and prefers to work on his motorcycle, read or sleep rather than spend time with me.

My husband is often tired from work and goes to sleep after our 10-year-old goes to bed at 8:30. When I come into the bedroom, he doesn’t even look up. There is no affection unless I ask. He is already taking testosterone, so that is not the issue. We have tried counseling and setting up romantic “dates,” but nothing has worked.

I know I am a good wife. I deserve my husband’s love and affection. I am not overweight and still look good at 56. I don’t believe he is interested in anyone else, but in the past, he has had a problem with pornography. He blamed it on not getting enough sex. I was very hurt that he did not discuss it with me.

Our church is holding a marriage retreat in a couple of months, and I’d like to attend, but my husband says he’s not interested. I don’t want a divorce, but I don’t want to feel unloved, either.

— Miserable

Dear Miserable: It will be difficult to ascertain why your husband is no longer interested in you if he is unwilling to discuss it. Some men have a hard time understanding their own motivations and feel it is somehow “not masculine” to talk about intimacy. But they do a disservice to their wives, their marriages and themselves by being so taciturn. Please go back to your counselor on your own and get some help.

————

Dear Annie: “Gone to the Gym” said, “Doctors are in the business of keeping people healthy, and their nurses should be models of good health.” What she means is, nurses should be skinny.

Skinny does not equal healthy. My daughter was diagnosed with a hypothyroid condition at 13 and struggles with her weight. She eats healthfully and works out, but there is no cure. She has been subjected to taunts from cruel high school students who know nothing of her condition, only that she is not a size zero. “Gone to the Gym’s” judgmental attitude is disgusting.

— Outraged in California

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Work continues to modernize Davis Healthcare Center

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1

     
    Holman continues to educate and inspire

    By Daniella Tutino | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    ‘Huck’ and ‘Tom’ float old Arboretum dock to removal

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Teens arrested after midnight joyride

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

     
    Biologists: Raising California dam would harm salmon

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2 | Gallery

     
    Overweight video game avatars ‘play’ worse than fit ones

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3 | Gallery

    Meet the mayor for coffee at Peet’s

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Author joins radio show

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

    Make your own SoulCollage on Sunday

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

     
    Walk through Quail Ridge Reserve on Feb. 14

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Calling all chicken owners: Apply for coop crawl, share information

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Hopmans named associate vice provost for global affairs

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

     
    Review motivation to refresh your healthy-habits plan

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6 | Gallery

    Tips to protect skin this winter

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6

     
    For health and healthy appearance, there’s just one quick fix

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

    Measles outbreak grows

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A9

     
    NAMI-Yolo examines inpatient services at potluck

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

    .

    Forum

    Basement living, with attitude to match

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    Paso Fino coming to a vote

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

    50 years since Ash Hall

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10 | Gallery

     
    Can climate change bring us together?

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

    .

    Sports

    Aggies still looking for record hoops win

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    Blue Devil Hammond has a huge day at home

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Pent up? Join Davis’ latest athletic event

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Two in a row for Devil boys

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    UCD roundup: Aggie football players crack the books

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

     
    Youth roundup: Harper hoopsters off to hot start

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

    Treys send Toronto past Kings

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

     
    .

    Features

    College Corner: Have wanderlust? Go overseas for college

    By Jennifer Borenstein | From Page: A8

     
    District learns from bomb threat incident

    By Kellen Browning | From Page: A8

    It’s Girl Scout Cookie time!

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A8 | Gallery

     
    What’s happening

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A8

    Feenstra-Fisher wedding

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9

     
    .

    Arts

    Show explores the evolution of dance

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

     
    A rose by any other name — if there is one

    By Michael Lewis | From Page: A11

     
    Acclaimed guitarist Adrian Legg to play at The Palms on Saturday

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A11 | Gallery

    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    James George Tingus

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Thursday, January 29, 2015

    By Creator | From Page: B6