Wednesday, March 4, 2015
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Doesn’t want to jingle all the way

AnniesMailbox

By
From page A12 | April 27, 2014 |

Dear Annie: My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, although we’ve been apart a great deal of that time due to college and work. Now that we are able to relocate together, my boyfriend expects me to participate more with his family, especially over the Christmas holidays.

All of his family members are practicing Christians. I am a pagan. I don’t mind spending time with them, but I do not pray before I eat, I don’t attend any type of church, nor do I celebrate these holidays in any way, including buying or receiving presents. All of this celebration makes me uncomfortable, so I stay away.

My boyfriend insists that I’m being selfish and should “deal with it.” But he disregards all of the celebrations that come with my spirituality. I have offered to go to his family’s celebrations as long as I don’t need to go to church or exchange gifts. But he still gives me a hard time about it.

I’m perfectly happy staying home while he enjoys these special holiday times, but he says I’m being difficult, and the argument loops around again. How do I get him to accept that not everyone sees life the way his family does?

— Different Gods

Dear Different: Your compromise — to spend holidays with his family as long as you don’t need to attend church or exchange gifts — is reasonable. However, your boyfriend wants you to conform to his family’s idea of celebration, either because he doesn’t respect your beliefs or, more likely, because he wants to avoid his family’s disapproval.

Please don’t assume these religious differences are only relevant at Christmas. If you decide to have children together, this problem will get ugly quickly. In any relationship, religious differences can be a major stumbling block; not to mention, your boyfriend does not defend you to his parents. If these conflicts aren’t resolved in a mutually agreeable way, the relationship is likely to flounder.

————

Dear Annie: My husband and his first wife were married for 20 years. They had no children, and she cheated on him multiple times. She was not particularly engaged with his family while they were married, but since he married me, she has worked hard to ingratiate herself — attending weddings and other family events.

They have been divorced for 16 years, and we have been married for 12. Yet she continues to use his last name rather than revert back to her family name. What is your opinion of this practice?

— I’m His Only Mrs.

Dear Only: Our opinion is that you should ignore it. This has been her name for 36 years, and changing it is not only a major inconvenience, but it’s also how she is known by those around her. Whatever name she uses does not threaten your position or status. Really. And if your husband’s family chooses to invite a woman they have known for 36 years to major family events, please do your best to tolerate her presence. The more gracious you are the classier you appear.

————

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Confused in Florida,” who became a full-time caregiver for his mother after she had a stroke. His brothers are suspicious that he is taking advantage of her financially.

My mother is in a similar situation. I live across the country and am kept informed by weekly updates from my siblings. I recently spent three weeks with Mom. My gratitude for my siblings has multiplied, as I now have a much better idea of how much my mother needs and how unrelenting her requests are. Kudos to “Confused,” who has chosen to offer loving live-in support for his mother. While there are many blessings that come from spending time with Mom, it is an exhausting 24/7 responsibility.

— Child of a Mother in Need

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Creators Syndicate

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Davisite competing for breast cancer ‘Survivor of the Year’

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Cool musicians, hot jazz at Coconut Grove fundraiser

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Guilty verdict in child abduction case

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1

     
    Talk breast cancer with oncologic surgeon

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    DPNS offers open house Saturday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Public input sought Monday on Northstar Pond

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
    Documentary on immigration issues will be screened

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

    Veggie gardening, composting are workshop topics

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Visiting prof will discuss Armenian genocide

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Holmes plans open house Thursday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Nominees sought for Bill Streng Business Award

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Museum brick sales to end this month

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Prostate cancer group looks at massage

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

    Moore featured at two climate talks this week

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Closing education gap will lift economy, a study finds

    By New York Times News Service | From Page: A4 | Gallery

    Applications due for Rotary’s leadership camp

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Project Linus meets March 11

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Breakfast with the Bunny tickets on sale now

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5 | Gallery

     
    .

    Forum

    Snowbird sings the song he always sings

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    Thanks for pet drive support

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Story was an ad for NRA

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    Athletes just want time to do their homework

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

    Let’s not delete Giovanni Barovetto from Davis history

    By Rich Rifkin | From Page: A6 | Gallery

     
    Low-flow toilets in our parks?

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    It was music to our ears

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    .

    Sports

    DHS girls lacrosse coach likes her 2015 squad

    By Dylan Lee | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Hawkins enters the home stretch of brilliant UCD career

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Blue Devils girls stay undefeated ahead of league opener

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    After a shaky start, DHS stands up to No. 4 St. Mary’s, but loses

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Sports briefs: Blue Devils drop softball opener

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3

     
    Cousins returns to lift Kings in New York

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B3 | Gallery

    San Jose crushes Canucks behind Nieto

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

     
    .

    Features

    Ringing in the Year of the Sheep with dim sum

    By Ann Evans | From Page: A8 | Gallery

     
    .

    Arts

     
    French-Algerian guitarist weaves acoustic spells at The Palms on Friday March 6

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7 | Gallery

    California Honeydrops drop in for ‘Down Home’ tour

    By Landon Christensen | From Page: A7 | Gallery

     
    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    Merna Petersen

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Wednesday, March 4, 2015

    By Creator | From Page: B6