Wednesday, April 23, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Done talking to her

AnniesMailbox

Dear Annie: My relationship with my mother has always been challenging. When she could no longer grab me by the hair and shake my head, she adopted inappropriate behavior with my boyfriends, called me stupid, worshipped my brothers and sister-in-law over me, and much more.

The final straw came in a telephone conversation. My mother said she was tired from being out the other day with a friend. She asked, “Do all old people get tired when they go out?” I didn’t want to compare her with my father, who works hard and had visited me earlier that week. I replied, “All old people age differently.” My mother then commenced some heavy and deliberate sighing that lasted the remainder of the call while I tried to make conversation. I politely said goodbye.

When it was time for me to make my annual call to her, I picked up the phone and started to dial but hung up before reaching the last number. I have not called my mother since. That was three years ago. My mother is now 83. I do not believe I am holding a grudge, although that has been suggested to me. I am just so hurt and ashamed that my own mother would reject me the way she has. When is it OK to say enough?

— Don’t Miss Her

Dear Don’t: The final straw was a phone call where Mom mostly sighed? And after three years, you are still angry. We recognize that Mom mistreated you when you were younger, but you spoke to her only once a year. It’s not a grudge so much as an inability to deal with Mom’s behavior, and it remains unresolved, which mostly hurts you. Ask yourself how you would feel if Mom died without any further contact. If that bothers you even slightly, please talk to a professional and find a way to work through this, whatever the outcome.

————

Dear Annie: My wife and I have been married for 15 years. It seems that if I don’t initiate sex, we never have any. I have told her what I would like, but she shows no interest. She just lies there and neither moves nor makes a sound. I don’t know whether I am giving her any pleasure.

I have discussed my concerns with her and have asked what she would like in the bedroom, but she always says, “Everything is fine. I like what we do.”

I am frustrated. I really love my wife and don’t want to end the relationship, but I have been having thoughts about finding another lover who will fulfill my needs in the bedroom. Please help.

— Not Sure What To Do

Dear Not Sure: Your wife may feel inhibited about sex, which is why she is silent in the bedroom and won’t discuss her preferences. It’s also possible that she doesn’t enjoy sex, for physical or emotional reasons, and has no interest in working at it. Instead of talking about likes and dislikes, tell her that her stoic reaction to sex saddens you and that it is threatening the stability of your marriage. Ask her to go with you to see a marriage counselor or a professional sex therapist.

————

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Working Hard,” who futilely complained to her boss and human resources about a fellow employee who isn’t doing his share of the work.

Everywhere I have ever worked, there are people who do more than asked and people who do so little it’s maddening. I have come to the realization that complaining about lazy co-workers is a waste of time. Management would rather put up with a poor employee than admit they made a mistake in hiring or promoting that person in the first place.

— W.C.

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Special to The Enterprise

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Davis Enterprise does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

News

New mosaic mural reflects Peña family history

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1, 1 Comment | Gallery

 
UC Davis biodigester hungers for food scraps, belches out electricity

By Elizabeth Case | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Fire damages Woodland home

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A3

 
Davis Arts Center: See ceramics, join the Big Day of Giving

By Erie Vitiello | From Page: A3 | Gallery

Register to vote by May 19

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Birch Lane sells garden plants, veggies

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Team Blend hosts fundraiser for Nicaragua project

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A3

 
Sign up for enviro organizations during Earth Week

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Davis businesswoman presides over conference

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Bible fun featured at Parents’ Night Out

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

UCD to host premiere of autism documentary

By Cory Golden | From Page: A4

 
400 bikes go up for bids at UCD auction

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Fire crews gather for joint training

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
UFC hears from two local historians

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Church hosts discussion of mental health needs, services

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Sunder hosts campaign event for kids

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Fundraiser benefits Oakley campaign

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Odd Fellows host culinary benefit for nonprofit

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
UC Davis conference showcases undergraduate research

By Julia Ann Easley | From Page: A5 | Gallery

Train to become a weather spotter

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Fly Fishers talk to focus on healthy streams, rivers

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5 | Gallery

Learn survival skills at Cache Creek Preserve

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Veterans, internees may receive overdue diplomas

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

UCD professor to talk about new book

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Slow Food tour showcases area’s young farmers

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A10

.

Forum

Will anyone notice?

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
My votes reflect city values

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

I support Sunder for board

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
A plea on the Bard’s birthday

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

Sharing fire services has been a success

By Our View | From Page: A6

 
Tom Meyer cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

.

Sports

Seniors send Blue Devil girls past Broncos in a lacrosse rout

By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Davis gets to Grant ace and rolls in DVC crucial

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Walchli is under par in another Devil victory

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

 
DHS/Franklin I goes to the Blue Devil softballers

By Chris Saur | From Page: B1 | Gallery

DHS thunders back to win an epic DVC volleyball match

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

 
 
Sharks go up 3-0 with OT win

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8 | Gallery

Baseball roundup: Rangers rally to beat A’s in the ninth

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

 
.

Features

Field to fork: El Macero’s chef offers spring tastes

By Dan Kennedy | From Page: A8 | Gallery

 
.

Arts

Biscuits ‘n Honey will play at winery

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

 
 
Five Three Oh! featured at April Performers’ Circle

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9 | Gallery

Celebrate spring at I-House on Sunday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

 
Music, wine flow at Fourth Friday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

 
.

Business

.

Obituaries

Catharine ‘Kay’ Lathrop

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

Comics: Wednesday, April 23, 2014

By Creator | From Page: B6