Sunday, August 31, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Done that, haven’t been there

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | July 17, 2014 |

Dear Annie: My beloved mother-in-law passed away two years ago. We had a church funeral and a celebration of her life.

My father-in-law had the body cremated. He intends to have the ashes buried in the family plot in New York, 1,200 miles away, although he hasn’t done so yet. On more than one occasion, he has informed my husband that he wants him to go to New York for another memorial ceremony. I have never heard of having two ceremonies so far apart, and my husband is not looking forward to it. We said our goodbyes at her funeral. Planning another one feels like a dark hanging cloud.

My father-in-law recently met a lady and has decided he should have my mother-in-law’s ashes laid to rest within the next few months. He expects us to travel to the second ceremony. I feel that it is my father-in-law’s responsibility to take care of this, and frankly, it should have been done a long time ago. Am I wrong? Do we really have to drag out the burial like this?

— My Heart Is Breaking

Dear Heart: Some families might find it touching to have another (small) memorial two years later, when you’ve all had the opportunity to recover from the initial sorrow and can celebrate your mother-in-law’s life with more joy. But since you don’t feel that way, you do not need to go to so much trouble. However, this is your husband’s mother, and he gets to make that decision for himself. Please do not try to influence him. If he would rather go with his father, we hope you will be supportive.

————

Dear Annie: As a part-time event consultant, I have seen many RSVP cards that are returned with additional guests included. I think the problem is exacerbated by the RSVP cards that are used. They say, “Number of persons attending,” followed by a blank line. That implies that the guest can choose the number of people they will bring. Perhaps they don’t realize that the host is simply asking how many of the people listed on the invitation envelope will be attending. It’s usually one person or two.

I would advise not including this on RSVP cards in the future, as it seems good manners and the rules of etiquette (and even common sense) are fast becoming things of the past.

— J.E., New Orleans, La.

Dear J.E.: We agree that these RSVP cards can be misleading. They are actually a fairly recent innovation and belong more appropriately with business invitations, not wedding invites. Back in the Gilded Age, guests were expected to respond using their own personalized stationery, and pre-printed RSVP cards were later introduced as a convenience. We like your suggestion that people not include cards that give the impression that you can bring any number of guests you choose. Please, folks, only the names on the envelope are invited.

————

Dear Annie: Your comment to “Swimmers’ Parents” was good — it isn’t fair to hold one twin back so the other can catch up.

My twin son and daughter had similar issues. She read before he did. He ran faster. It upset them both not to be “as good” as the other. It is important to tell the children that we all have different abilities, even if we are the same age. Also, we made sure our children had separate opportunities for achievement.

When our daughter showed aptitude for playing the piano and our son wanted to play, too, we suggested another instrument he had shown interest in, and he was off and running. Sometimes we had them play little duets, and we gave them both well-deserved praise. A plus of their individual activities was that each made separate friends. They are adults now and quite close, but they are very different people.

— Two Close for Comfort

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Creators Syndicate

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Davis audience hears from civil-rights hero

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
     
    Legislators wrap up with water, ethics, guns bills

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2 | Gallery

     
    Bob Dunning: This new kid might have a future

    By Bob Dunning | From Page: A2

    Five U.S. airstrikes target Islamic State fighters

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    EU threatens Russia with more sanctions

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Robbery, pursuit in Central Davis lead to one arrest

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A3

     
    Rotary clubs offer Davis High students some life lessons

    By Evan Arnold-Gordon | From Page: A3 | Gallery

    Yolo Federal to hold photo contest

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Katehi will speak at Chamber’s community luncheon

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Bean Feed supports for Yolo Democrats’ activities

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4 | Gallery

     
    Bauer garden marks one year

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Dinner will raise funds to help farmers in Burkina Faso

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Walkers welcome to join Sierra Club outings

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Beamer Park featured at Stroll Through History

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Tuleyome Tales: Be safe on wilderness trails

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5 | Gallery

     
    Small wineries suffer big losses in quake

    By San Francisco Chronicle | From Page: A6 | Gallery

    Grande site has been a convoluted saga

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A7

     
    Say goodbye to summer with a ‘Final Blast’ at Explorit

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9 | Gallery

     
    Bay Bridge project’s rainy-day money is nearly gone

    By San Francisco Chronicle | From Page: A15 | Gallery

    .

    Forum

    Already made herself at home

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    How to make a good living

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

    Nate Beeler cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A10

     
    Changing local election dates benefits Democrats

    By Tom Elias | From Page: A10

    Ad-free email? You can still find it at Davis Community Network

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

     
    Keep our green waste piles

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

    Speak out

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

     
    City panel working to tighten scrutiny of taxpayer dollars

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A11

    Try round-robin storytelling at crafts fair

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A11

     
    This epidemic should scare us

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A14

    Health problems mean he’s checked out

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: A14

     
    Marriage doesn’t mean we agree on everything

    By Marion Franck | From Page: A14

    .

    Sports

    Coach likes what she sees from Devil field hockey squad

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    UCD notebook: Coaches positive about FCS schools ‘playing up’

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Devils open with an impressive volleyball victory

    By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Stanford scores early, often in opener versus UCD

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    New coach, new tougher league for DHS football

    By Thomas Oide | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Sports briefs: Aggie harriers secure season-opening sweep

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

    Baseball roundup: Cats win late to pull even with Aces

    By Staff and wire reports | From Page: B8

     
    .

    Features

    .

    Arts

    .

    Business

    Comings and Goings: Is fro-yo craze melting?

    By Wendy Weitzel | From Page: A13 | Gallery

     
    Sutter Davis Hospital honored again as a ‘best place to work’

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A13

    Engage3 attracts investment for shopping app

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A20

     
    California growers can use MBI’s new bioinsecticide

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A20

    Sudwerk, Davis Food Co-op join for ‘co-hop-eration’ brew

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A20 | Gallery

     
    Community pools its purchasing power to reduce the cost of solar

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A20

    .

    Obituaries

    Wanda P. Daley

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Sunday, August 31, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B8