Thursday, July 31, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Dot that i in ‘divorce’

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | May 01, 2014 |

Dear Annie: I was widowed five years ago, after 36 years of marriage. Recently, I reunited with my boyfriend from junior high school. “Harry” is in the final weeks of a divorce.

It turns out that Harry and I are very much in love. Unfortunately, my oldest daughter is extremely angry that I am dating a man whose divorce is not final. She refuses to meet Harry and wants me to stop seeing him. She will not visit me or permit me to spend time with my two grandchildren as long as I am with Harry.

I have always been close to my three adult children. I am terribly hurt by my daughter’s refusal to allow contact. We have gone to counseling separately, and I am hoping, in time, that we can get some joint counseling. But right now, my daughter won’t even talk to me. We are at an impasse. Any advice?

— Widow

Dear Widow: If your daughter truly objects to your seeing a man who is not yet legally divorced, then there will be no change until his status is resolved. And you might consider waiting. While you knew Harry as a young girl, your current relationship is new. Please take your time.

Your daughter also may feel that you are trying to replace her father, and she could reject any man you date. Many grown children have a difficult time accepting that their widowed parent is in love with someone else. They feel that as long as you remain a grieving widow, your late husband is the love of your life. Anything else is a betrayal. It is, of course, terribly selfish of any child to deny parents such future happiness and expect them to live in the past. We hope counseling helps you both.

————

Dear Annie: My 83-year-old husband has always been a quiet man. He now lives at a nursing home for medical reasons and comes home every day to visit me.

After a few words of greeting, he sits down and remains silent, expecting me to entertain him with conversation. He’s turning into his father, who never said more than five sentences to me. I’m not in the best of health and don’t do much socializing, but I can speak pleasantly about current world affairs and events in our children’s lives. Some days I don’t feel like talking at all and would like to just sit and watch television.

My husband’s attitude is making me angry and exhausted. I’ve spoken to him about it, but he is too lazy to contribute anything. He has two friends and no social activities. He makes me feel like screaming. Any suggestions?

— Iceberg

Dear Iceberg: You are taking on a bigger burden than necessary. The fact that your husband visits doesn’t mean he is a guest whom you have to entertain. You are not obligated to make conversation with someone who neither contributes nor cares. While he undoubtedly appreciates news of the children, there is nothing wrong with having a visit where the two of you watch TV together. Accept him as he is, and talk only as much as you want. We hope this alleviates some of your frustration.

————

Dear Annie: I have another perspective on “Concerned Cousin,” who worried about grandchildren occasionally sharing a bed with the grandparents.

My husband and I have 12 grandchildren. When they sleep over, we put them in the same little tent our daughter once slept in when we camped out, along with a second small tent we purchased later. The kids love it, and we can keep an eye on them throughout the night.

In this day and age, it is important to take precautions. We are loving, caring grandparents, but the reality is, if a parent decides to punish you, you can be accused of terrible things you never did.

— Protect the Grandparents

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Creators Syndicate

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

     
    Local therapists bring ‘Daring Greatly’ movement to Davis

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Davis area youths learn wilderness survival skills

    By Charlotte Orr | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Crews battle grass fire near Davis

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

    Sorting out the claims after pipe break: Who pays?

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Governor says immigration solution is a priority

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Firefighters keep Yosemite blaze far from sequoias

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Police nab three for vehicle theft

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

     
    As farmland subsides, aquifer worries mount

    By San Francisco Chronicle | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
    Pogledich named Yolo County counsel

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A5 | Gallery

    Tuleyome launches Kickstarter campaign to publish a children’s nature book

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5 | Gallery

     
    Davis teen on California team for national horticulture competition

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5 | Gallery

    Truth and authenticity on radio program

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

     
    Senior sing-along held monthly

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A8

    .

    Forum

    A rose by any other name

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    Civilians are innocent victims

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Thanks for your kindnesses

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    Questions, questions, questions

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Speak out

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6

     
    Ross Douthat: Democrat, Republican patterns are changing

    By New York Times News Service | From Page: A6

    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

     
    .

    Sports

    River Cats snap three-game losing streak

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Davis Water Polo U10 girls are golden

    By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1

    Aggie Silva mixed school and strikes; wins Reno tourney

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Lucky No. 7: Giants snap losing streak

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

    Davis Rugby teams wrap up summer season

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

     
    DHS tryout schedule updated; physical packets due

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

    49ers WR Brandon Lloyd enjoying return to NFL

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

     
    Hammel struggles in A’s loss to Astros

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

    .

    Features

    Happy 103rd birthday!

    By Wayne Tilcock | From Page: A2

     
    Fay Libet: 100 years young

    By Spencer Ault | From Page: A3 | Gallery

    Future subscriber: Sonya Theresa Arnold

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Arts

    Hot City heats up Winters gazebo

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    Enjoy some Mischief at First Saturday event

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

    British organist to play in Davis

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    Native American dancers to perform in Davis

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

    Winters stages ‘All’s Well That Ends Well’

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    Landscape exhibition returns to Davis

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

    Hear live music at Monticello

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    New KDRT show features touring musicians

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    .

    Comics

    Comics: Thursday, July 31, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B6