Sunday, January 25, 2015
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Even a safe house needs boundaries

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | April 23, 2014 |

Dear Annie: I am very close to my 12-year-old grandson. His family life is not good, and since his parents live nearby, the boy is at my house more often than not.

The problem is, he started sleeping with me when he was a baby and still does it. I have addressed this issue several times and told him he’s too old to crawl into bed with Grammie. But he cries and pleads with me, saying how much he loves me, and that he wouldn’t be able to sleep otherwise. I always give in, because deep down, I’m happy to have him with me.

My husband sleeps in another room due to health issues. He definitely thinks the boy should be sleeping in his own room, and we’ve had several arguments over this issue. This is such a stress on me every night. Please give me some advice.

— Grammie

Dear Grammie: Your home is a safe haven for your grandson, but when it comes to the sleeping arrangements, it is selfish to put your needs above his. You know he should be sleeping in his own bed, but your passive encouragement allows him to continue the current setup. Yes, he will be temporarily unhappy if you stop, but a grandmother (or parent) who truly cares about the boy’s welfare would be willing to tolerate his negative reaction for the greater benefit of his emotional independence. He is old enough to understand why you think this is best.

Please talk to the boy’s pediatrician about transitioning him to his own bed. It will take time, and there will undoubtedly be some backsliding, but we urge you to persist until he can sleep on his own. You won’t regret it.

————

Dear Annie: My 13-year-old son has autism and anxiety issues, severe expressive and receptive language delays, and profound sensory issues. Bright lights, loud sounds and large crowds can overwhelm him. Many things that we take for granted, such as getting in an elevator or going to the grocery store, took years for him to accomplish. And it truly took a village of dedicated family, friends, teachers and therapists, along with sheer luck that he has grown and developed to this point.

He loves life and wants to be involved, have friends and participate. He is simply a joy. Recently, my family traveled to visit my sister. My son still has anxiety about flying, and the airlines allow us to pre-board. The problem was the other travelers who made snide remarks and gave us nasty looks. I’d like to make a plea to the public: Please do not judge others. My son may look totally “normal” and healthy on the outside, but inside, the daily struggles he encounters can be overwhelming. It takes just as much energy to be nice as it does to be mean-spirited. You have no way of knowing what the person next to you is going through, and one small gesture of kindness can make a difference.

— Any Mom

Dear Mom: Well said. We wish people would train themselves to think generous thoughts before making assumptions that lead to being unkind. Most of us do not mean to be cruel and would be appalled to realize we have been.

————

Dear Annie: I agree with your advice to “Losing My Religion,” whose wife was always late for church, that he should go on his own. But I don’t think he should save her a seat. Knowing there is a place saved for her will only enable her to continue her inconsiderate behavior. She should pay the consequences of her tardiness.

— L.

Dear L.: We think having to get to church on her own is punishment enough. There’s no point in creating a reason to gossip about their marriage.

————

Dear Readers: Today is Administrative Professionals Day. If you have assistants who make your job easier, please let them know how much they are appreciated.

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Creators Syndicate

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

     
    Four days of unusual, adventuresome music

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Red Cross honors community heroes

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Bridges of Yolo County: Wear, tear … repair?

    By Elizabeth Case | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Abe ‘speechless’ after video claims IS hostage dead

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    GOP presses state bills limiting gay rights before ruling

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Abortion opponents express renewed hope at California rally

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Spanish police arrest 4 suspected members of a jihadi cell

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Rockets kill 30 in Ukrainian city as rebels launch offensive

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Fake schools draw federal scrutiny

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A3 | Gallery

    Winter produce available at Sutter market

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

     
    Sip wines at St. James’ annual tasting

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

     
    Donations to be distributed during homeless count

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A4

    Speaker will share computer security tips

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Logos Books celebrates 5 years, offers language groups

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Australian olive oil company opens U.S. headquarters in Woodland

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Explore at the YOLO Outdoor Expo

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Pedal around Davis on weekly bike ride

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Yolo animal shelter seeking rawhide donations

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A5

     
    Woodland Healthcare employees take Great Kindness Challenge

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

    At the Pond: Nest boxes give birds new homes

    By Jean Jackman | From Page: A6 | Gallery

     
    California ranks worst in nation for guidance counselors

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

    Davis, Woodland are saving water

    By Elizabeth Case | From Page: A12

     
    Music and Words Festival events

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A12

    .

    Forum

    Caring for the aging mouth

    By Samer Alassaad | From Page: A8

     
    Family isn’t keen on relationship

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: A8

     
    We have the right to choose

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

     
    We don’t have to suffer

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

    City helped immensely

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

     
    Rick McKee cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A10

    Big utilities’ nightmare begins to play out

    By Tom Elias | From Page: A10

     
    Mayor’s Corner: Let’s renew Davis together

    By Dan Wolk | From Page: A10

    From innovation parks to innovative buildings and planning

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A11

     
    When measles spreads from Disneyland, it’s a small world after all

    By New York Times News Service | From Page: A11

    .

    Sports

    Loud crowd sees DHS boys win

    By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Lady Devils hold off Pacers, stay perfect in league

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    Wildcats’ inaugural kids development league exceeds expectations

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Aggies get top 2015 gymnastics score, but fall short

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    UCD men take two tennis matches

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B8

     
    Watney in ninth at Humana Challenge

    By Staff and wire reports | From Page: B8

    .

    Features

    .

    Arts

    .

    Business

    Davis man focusing on cannabidiol business

    By Will Bellamy | From Page: A9

     
    Marrone Bio’s Regalia approved for new uses in Canada

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9

     
    UCD grad makes insurance ‘hot 100′ list

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

    Yolo County real estate sales

    By Zoe Juanitas | From Page: A9

     
    .

    Obituaries

    Thomas George Byrne

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Sunday, January 25, 2015

    By Creator | From Page: B8