Sunday, March 29, 2015
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Even a safe house needs boundaries

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | April 23, 2014 |

Dear Annie: I am very close to my 12-year-old grandson. His family life is not good, and since his parents live nearby, the boy is at my house more often than not.

The problem is, he started sleeping with me when he was a baby and still does it. I have addressed this issue several times and told him he’s too old to crawl into bed with Grammie. But he cries and pleads with me, saying how much he loves me, and that he wouldn’t be able to sleep otherwise. I always give in, because deep down, I’m happy to have him with me.

My husband sleeps in another room due to health issues. He definitely thinks the boy should be sleeping in his own room, and we’ve had several arguments over this issue. This is such a stress on me every night. Please give me some advice.

— Grammie

Dear Grammie: Your home is a safe haven for your grandson, but when it comes to the sleeping arrangements, it is selfish to put your needs above his. You know he should be sleeping in his own bed, but your passive encouragement allows him to continue the current setup. Yes, he will be temporarily unhappy if you stop, but a grandmother (or parent) who truly cares about the boy’s welfare would be willing to tolerate his negative reaction for the greater benefit of his emotional independence. He is old enough to understand why you think this is best.

Please talk to the boy’s pediatrician about transitioning him to his own bed. It will take time, and there will undoubtedly be some backsliding, but we urge you to persist until he can sleep on his own. You won’t regret it.

————

Dear Annie: My 13-year-old son has autism and anxiety issues, severe expressive and receptive language delays, and profound sensory issues. Bright lights, loud sounds and large crowds can overwhelm him. Many things that we take for granted, such as getting in an elevator or going to the grocery store, took years for him to accomplish. And it truly took a village of dedicated family, friends, teachers and therapists, along with sheer luck that he has grown and developed to this point.

He loves life and wants to be involved, have friends and participate. He is simply a joy. Recently, my family traveled to visit my sister. My son still has anxiety about flying, and the airlines allow us to pre-board. The problem was the other travelers who made snide remarks and gave us nasty looks. I’d like to make a plea to the public: Please do not judge others. My son may look totally “normal” and healthy on the outside, but inside, the daily struggles he encounters can be overwhelming. It takes just as much energy to be nice as it does to be mean-spirited. You have no way of knowing what the person next to you is going through, and one small gesture of kindness can make a difference.

— Any Mom

Dear Mom: Well said. We wish people would train themselves to think generous thoughts before making assumptions that lead to being unkind. Most of us do not mean to be cruel and would be appalled to realize we have been.

————

Dear Annie: I agree with your advice to “Losing My Religion,” whose wife was always late for church, that he should go on his own. But I don’t think he should save her a seat. Knowing there is a place saved for her will only enable her to continue her inconsiderate behavior. She should pay the consequences of her tardiness.

— L.

Dear L.: We think having to get to church on her own is punishment enough. There’s no point in creating a reason to gossip about their marriage.

————

Dear Readers: Today is Administrative Professionals Day. If you have assistants who make your job easier, please let them know how much they are appreciated.

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Creators Syndicate

.

News

UCD faculty receive lowest pay in the system

By Tanya Perez | From Page: A1

 
Motive for murder-suicide remains a mystery

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Davis sewage to get new digs

By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1

 
Where do Davis recyclables go?

By Felicia Alvarez | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Human Relations Commission hosts Chávez celebration

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A2

 
Friends search for shooting victim’s lost pets

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A4

 
‘Music as Medicine’ is radio show topic

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6

Davis Flower Arrangers meet Wednesday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6

 
Friendship the topic on radio program

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6

 
.

Forum

These results were meaningless

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

 
Survey not representative

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

Answers on the green waste program

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B4

 
A phone call could have fixed this

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B4

Milt Prigee cartoon

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B4

 
Some ‘survey’ …

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

Mayor’s corner: Looking ahead to spring

By Dan Wolk | From Page: B5 | Gallery

 
A Little Respect for Dr. Foster

By Nicholas Kristof | From Page: B5

Universities need more funding

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B5

 
Which experiences count as ‘once in a lifetime’?

By Marion Franck | From Page: A8

After a month of no TV news, I’m feeling much better

By Debra DeAngelo | From Page: A8

 
Take a hike for your heart

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

.

Sports

Republic stun Galaxy with repeated history

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

 
Bad fourth quarter sinks boys lacrosse

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

Aggies’ walkoff win clinches series against Riverside

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Aggie softball splits doubleheader

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

Burns scores shootout winner to lift Sharks

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

 
UCD women’s tennis dominates at home

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B10 | Gallery

.

Features

.

Arts

.

Business

Millennials are changing our community

By Rob White | From Page: A9

 
With new owner, DAC will Get Fit

By Wendy Weitzel | From Page: A9 | Gallery

Grant writing for non-profits workshop set

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9

 
.

Obituaries

.

Comics

Comics: Sunday, March 29, 2015

By Creator | From Page: B8