Sunday, March 1, 2015

It’s everybody else’s fault


From page A13 | October 23, 2011 |

Dear Annie: I’m very intelligent. Unfortunately, I was raised by a neglectful mother and her hateful, abusive unmarried sister. Trouble at home led to trouble at school, resulting in multiple expulsions that hindered my education. My father was out of the picture, as my mother is only interested in men who use her and leave her.

I am in my 30s now and live an unhappy, discontented life. I have zero self-esteem due to the constant abuse and belittlement at the hands of my aunt. I know if my intellect had been properly nurtured, I could have a job doing something I love in the field of astronomy or engineering. Instead, I do menial labor and don’t really get along with my colleagues, as our backgrounds are so different.

While I am now on speaking terms with both my mother and aunt, I find that I am unable to forgive them. It would feel like letting the bad guys win. I blame them for my unhappiness, and this occasionally causes me to blow up at them.

My mother refuses to speak of the past, and my aunt told me that people overcome abuse, and if I couldn’t, it meant there was one more thing wrong with me. The fact that they are unwilling to budge an inch makes any attempt to work this out pointless.

I tried therapy, but haven’t found a therapist who seems honest and genuine. I feel mentally trapped and unable to progress. Please help.

— Walking Dead in NYC

Dear NYC: You got a rotten deal, but letting it control your future won’t help you. Your aunt is never going to be kind, because she considers you competition for her sister’s affection and loyalty, and your mother is too weak to be your ally.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean they “win.” It is not about them. It is a way for you to get beyond the misery and blame and forge a happier life. For some people, therapy can seem awkward and insincere when you first begin, especially if you are not ready to let go of the past. And not every therapist is a good fit. But if you stick with some type of counseling, it can truly help you move forward. Please try again.


Dear Annie: My wife and I are both 80. For our entire married life, I have handled our finances. I am now, at this late date, quite concerned as to how my wife would manage if I were to die before her. Who do I talk to about assisting a survivor with the many details resulting from a spouse’s passing?

— Georgia

Dear Georgia: Too many married couples wait until a spouse dies before being bothered about these things. While we commend you for thinking of it in advance, please start now to prepare your wife for the possibility that she will have to deal with the finances. Make sure her name is on all the accounts and she knows where your assets are. She also should have credit in her own name. You can find suggestions and information through, and you might also want to hire a financial adviser who will help her navigate the waters.


Dear Annie: This is for “Sad Wife,” whose mother-in-law favors her brother-in-law. Tell her not to spend any more energy being sad. As you told her, Annie, she should support her husband at home. I was in her shoes.

My mother-in-law eventually developed Alzheimer’s, and her favorite son could not bring himself to visit her. My husband and I went almost daily, as did my sister-in-law. When Mom died, we discovered we had developed a decent, warm relationship with “favorite son” and his lovely wife. What’s more, our teenaged children noticed and had a new appreciation for their parents.

— Been There

Dear Been There: Thank you for the words of encouragement. And on that note, happy Mother-in-Law Day.


Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at

— Creators Syndicate Inc.



Special to The Enterprise

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .


    Sheriff: Mother ‘sole person responsible’ for infant’s death

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Rifle Team has a blast with competitive shooting

    By Savannah Holmes | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Child abduction case in jury’s hands

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1

    Pipeline project will soften water in 2016

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1

    Pig out at Farmers Market’s Pig Day

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A1

    Weekend storm drops snow, rain, hail in California

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Christie to Republicans: No rush to pick 2016 nominee

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Bob Dunning: Colon prep can be hard to swallow

    By Bob Dunning | From Page: A2

    Scouts help fill STEAC’s pantry

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

    Parole denied in 1987 killing spree

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Explore Asia at Arboretum storytime

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    MU Games closing in late March

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

    Still no parole in toddler case

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    City offers wetlands tour

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3 | Gallery

    UCD student with meningococcal disease is recovering

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

    Young patients bond with special stuffies

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4 | Gallery

    Diversity theater group continues creativity workshops

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

    Radio talk show moves to Mondays

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Assault awareness campaign kicks off

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A4

    UCD student panel to cover anti-Semitism, Islamophobia

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

    Yolo Food Bank hosts thank-you breakfast on Pig Day

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9



    Mars or ISIS? Similar outcome

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

    City may get charged up over energy choices

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B4

    Milt Priggee cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: B4

    Rowing: PE as well as life skills

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

    Police complaint procedures drafted

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

    Clarifying energy update letter

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

    Weekly claw pickup necessary

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

    Design innovation centers for the 21st century

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B5

    Speak out

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B5

    A new perspective on life

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: A7

    Distant water crisis has lessons for Davis

    By Marion Franck | From Page: A7

    Call for study to settle if anesthesia poses risk to babies

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A7



    Devils get a soccer win despite finishing woes

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Winning close games is the key for DHS softballers

    By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Aggie men get a bounce-back win at Cal Poly

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    The mystery continues: lowly Gauchos upset UCD women

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Sports briefs: Razo throws well as Aggies get a baseball win

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

    Defending champion Blue Devils have diamond holes to fill

    By Thomas Oide | From Page: B3 | Gallery

    Republic FC falls to storied New York Cosmos

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B10







    Yolo Federal Credit Union honored for supporting business education

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

    Online store will celebrate, mock People’s Republic of Davis

    By Wendy Weitzel | From Page: A10 | Gallery





    Comics: Sunday, March 1, 2015

    By Creator | From Page: B8