Friday, October 31, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Family commitments tug in opposite directions

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | October 01, 2013 |

Dear Annie: For many years, my husband and I hosted all the family holidays. Last year, my husband’s aunt invited us to stay with her for Thanksgiving and celebrate with her family. We gratefully accepted. She invited my in-laws, as well, although they opted not to go because my father-in-law wasn’t well.

The aunt has extended the same invitation this year. Here’s our dilemma: My father-in-law died eight months ago, and my mother-in-law is now alone. She initially said that she would come along with us for Thanksgiving, but now says she is afraid to leave the house empty and won’t go.

We’d like to keep our Thanksgiving invitation, but we don’t want to leave my mother-in-law by herself on a holiday. What should we do?

— Torn in Los Angeles

Dear Torn: The first year after being widowed can be lonely and frightening. Your mother-in-law is not ready to join your husband’s family for a holiday, and it would be a great kindness not to leave her alone. Tell the aunt how much you appreciate the invitation, but you simply cannot do it this year. (You also could consider inviting the aunt’s family to your home instead.) Then encourage Mom to get grief counseling. Sometimes these limitations become self-fulfilling prophecies if not addressed, and you should not be held hostage by her refusal to participate in life.

————

Dear Annie: How do I tell my best friend that I find it tiresome and boring to talk to her?

Whenever “Jane” calls me (which is several times a day), she goes on for hours about unimportant details. She took 15 minutes to tell me about her excursion to shop for vegetables. She often won’t even say hello when I pick up the phone and immediately starts rambling on. She rarely asks me how I’m doing.

We talk on the phone a lot because Jane’s job involves traveling, and she calls me from her hands-free headset when she’s on the road. I once fell asleep during the conversation, and she didn’t notice.

I have no problem telling Jane that I can’t talk at a given moment, and she’s OK with that. I do not want to cut her off. I’d just like these talks to have more interaction. I once told her that I am bothered by the way she converses, and she said she would try to change, but nothing happened. Except for this, Jane is a lovely person, and when she talks about anything else, the conversation can be really interesting. How do I deal with this in a nice way?

— Annie from Europe

Dear Annie: Jane is basically talking to herself, recounting her day, perhaps trying to stay awake on long driving trips and attempting to make you part of her daily life. But this is both boring and egocentric. Her conversation is all about her. Best friends should be able to tell each other unpleasant facts without ruining the friendship. When Jane starts rambling, use humor mixed with forbearance. Say, “Jane, you are putting me to sleep. Let’s talk about this book I think you’ll like” — or any other topic of mutual interest.

————

Dear Annie: Your advice to “Hurt and Alone,” the woman whose husband has a good time with his cheating friends, was fine, but you didn’t address an important point. She said her husband managed to manipulate the therapist. A well-trained therapist doesn’t get manipulated. It sounds as if she and her husband were shortchanged by someone who couldn’t effectively dissect the situation and tackle the problems at hand.

I’d like to suggest that she seek individual psychotherapy with a licensed mental health therapist (LMHT) or licensed certified social worker (LCSW). Her physician or a local hospital social worker can recommend someone, or she can contact United Way for a referral.

— Saved by a Competent Therapist

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Gardner guilty of murder, with special circumstances

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    State superintendent makes campaign stop in Davis

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Meet Poppenga at Saturday reception

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

    Bob Dunning: Lawn display causes a theological crisis

    By Bob Dunning | From Page: A2 | Gallery

     
    Couple killed in Yolo County crash

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

    Same-party races challenge incumbents

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    State races test one-party rule

    By New York Times News Service | From Page: A2

     
    Indians celebrate Diwali with gala on Sunday

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

    Rairdan dinged for late report

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A3

     
    Veterans will tailgate at ‘Salute to Heroes’ game

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Wolk hailed for environmental votes

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Yamada honored for leadership on aging issues

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Embroidery group meets at mall

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Bet Haverim will hear Israel update

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

    Local artisans featured at holiday craft fair

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Got bikes? Donate ‘em!

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Kids walk for friends at Birch Lane

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Explorit: Creep out with some spooky science

    By Lisa Justice | From Page: A4

    Shambhala offers Tai Chi class

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Bones for Life classes offered

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Enjoy wine, music and art at Sunday fundraiser for DHS choir

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A9

     
    .

    Forum

    New-school cheating on the smartphone

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    My choices on Tuesday

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

     
    Garamendi, Dodd get my votes

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A10

     
    High hopes for Sunder

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

    Public service is in her heart

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

     
    A calm, thoughtful voice

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

    Sunder is a perfect fit

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

     
    Best predictor is past behavior

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

    Vote for students, with Tuck

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

     
    .

    Sports

    DHS plays undefeated Pacers Friday night

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    Blue Devil girls net an easy win at Grant

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Aggie offense A-OK; now what about defense?

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    In Davis, rugby is as American as apple pie

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1

     
     
    Niemi’s 43 saves aren’t enough in loss to Wild

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B8 | Gallery

    .

    Features

    .

    Arts

    Calling all artists for upcoming show

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

     
    ‘Birdman': A dark comedy that soars

    By Derrick Bang | From Page: A11

     
    DHS Madrigals host singing workshop

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A12

     
    Marcia Ball to play at The Palms

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A12 | Gallery

     
    .

    Business

    Big, capable luxury defines Yukon

    By Ann M. Job | From Page: A5 | Gallery

     
    .

    Obituaries

    Joseph Francis Gray

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Friday, October 31, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B6

     
    .

    Real Estate Review

    Featured Listing

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER1

    Professional Services Directory

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER2

    Lyon Real Estate

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER3

    RE/Max Gold

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER4

    Kim Eichorn

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER5

    Yolo FCU

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER6

    Juan Ramirez

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER6

    Susan von Geldern

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER6

    Team Traverso

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER6

    Tracy Harris

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER7

    Susan von Geldern

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER7

    Wells Fargo Home Mortgage

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER8

    Julie Leonard

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER8

    Joe Kaplan

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER9

    Melrina A Maggiora

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER9

    Coldwell Banker

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER10

    Leslie Blevins

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER12

    Julie Partain

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER12

    Robin Garland

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER13

    Jamie Madison

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER13

    Diane Lardelli

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER13

    Karen Waggoner

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER14

    Jamie Madison & Associates

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER14

    Lisa Haass

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER14

    Ciana Wallace

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER15

    Travis Credit Union

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER16

    Malek Baroody

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER17

    Marcelo Campos

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER18

    F1rst Street Real Estate

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: RER20