Thursday, October 2, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Family members turn away

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | August 20, 2013 |

Dear Annie: Three years ago, my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer and then a brain tumor. She has had numerous surgeries and treatments.

Mom is the youngest of five siblings. The whole time she has been fighting this disease, her siblings have been unsupportive. In three years, one uncle has visited twice and called twice. Another lives less than two miles away, but has stopped by for a total of one hour. His wife and kids have neither visited nor phoned.

My aunt speaks to my mother about twice a year. She never visits. She also yells at Mom and is rude to her. She has managed to convince my 84-year-old grandmother that these arguments are my parents’ fault. Several years ago, this same aunt had cancer, and my mother was there for her all the time — like family should be.

I find it hurtful and disheartening that her siblings are so uncaring. They never offer to help, let alone offer words of comfort. Is this normal behavior? The only thing my mother has asked for is moral support from her family, and she has received none. My father, my brother and I feel only animosity toward these family members, knowing how much they have hurt our mother. I think we should forget about them and cut off contact. What do you say?

— Loving Daughter

Dear Daughter: We don’t know why your aunts and uncles haven’t been more supportive. In some families, one person often becomes a “caregiver” by virtue of his or her personality. It sounds as if your mother is that person. It means her siblings do not know how to respond appropriately in caregiving situations because they never have had to do so. Before you decide to cut them off, please let your mother decide. She may prefer to forgive them and continue the relationships, although with a more limited set of expectations.

————

Dear Annie: My niece was married at city hall nearly two years ago. My wife and I attended the ceremony, and afterward, we went to lunch. Two weeks later, they had a small catered reception at his grandmother’s house. My wife and I attended and gave them a card with a check. Now they want to have their wedding blessed in a church. I think that’s great, except they are having another reception, this time at a banquet hall with all the bells and whistles. Since we already gave a card and a check at the first reception, are we obligated to give another? If so, how much? I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

— Confused About the Etiquette

Dear Confused: You aren’t giving a gift in honor of a reception. You are giving a wedding gift to the couple. Since you already have done so, you are under no obligation to present them with another. However, if you feel obligated to bring something to the latest reception, it could be a small gift with sentiment attached, such as a framed photograph of the couple.

————

Dear Annie: I feel compelled to write to “Can’t Believe Adults Act This Way,” whose daughter is being bullied by other teachers at her school. You suggested the main bully craves power and control, thinks the daughter is a threat and could be insecure.

This is happening to me right now. I am a veteran teacher of 29 years. The principal is indeed as you described. She has wanted me gone for the past four years and has made outrageous accusations that I have had to defend with the union.

I realized, also, that this was draining my energy to teach. My advice for this first-year teacher is to look for a new job where she feels comfortable and can teach and do what she is trained for and not waste her energy on bullies. She sounds like a promising teacher who needs to be planted in fertile soil where she can flourish.

— Looking for Something Better

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

.

News

 
Jury: Marsh legally sane during murders

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Undocumented Student Center offers help to immigrants

By Julia Ann Easley | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Rairdan supports more inquiry-based learning

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Standing In: Don’t write? I may as well stop breathing

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A2

Woodland man convicted in domestic violence case

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

 
Apply soon to be a Master Gardener

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

Mondavi Center hosts all-star lineup of classical, jazz, dance and more

By Enterprise staff | From Page: C3 | Gallery

 
Willett students sensitized to those who are different

By Maria Clayton | From Page: A3 | Gallery

Friends of the Library host biggest book sale of the year

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Give blood and get a free movie ticket

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Pedal around Davis on weekly bike ride

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
‘Edible City’ discussion planned

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

TSA bomb training may be noisy

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Katehi will address Rotarians on Monday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
‘ADHD — Myth or Reality’ addressed at UCD talk

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
AIM testing dates set this fall, winter

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A4

Tour Honey Bee Haven on Friday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Woodland City Cemetery tours planned

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
UCD athletics have break-from-work entertainment for everyone

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: C5 | Gallery

 
Quotes from the Marsh double-murder trial

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A5 | Gallery

Quad abuzz with students

By Tanya Perez | From Page: A7 | Gallery

 
Wetlands visitors may see ducks arriving

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A10 | Gallery

Boy Scouts host family event in park

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A10

 
How did the Aggies get their name?

By Enterprise staff | From Page: C12

.

Forum

Hey, it’s free childcare …

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

 
The right vote for education

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
Just what Davis schools need

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

Tom Meyer cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

 
Nolan’s a calm voice of reason

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

Will you open your heart, and your home?

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

 
.

Sports

Devil girls play dynamite pool defense

By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Davis volleyballers finish strong at Franklin

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

Hard-working Blue Devil boys get a water polo win

By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
A’s fall as AL wild-card game lives up to its name

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

DHS girls tennis team tames Lions

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Legacy roundup: Milliennium takes Manteca tournament

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

AYSO roundup: Beans, Capay can’t shake each other in U19 play

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

 
Alliance roundup: Los Azules, Italia win tourneys

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3 | Gallery

Sports briefs: Real Salt Lake has too much for Republic

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B8

 
.

Features

From the ground up: Rediscovering classic cheesecake

By Ann Evans | From Page: A10 | Gallery

 
.

Business

.

Obituaries

Leonard D. Blackford

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
Anne Elizabeth Elbrecht

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

.

Comics

Comics: Wednesday, October 1, 2014

By Creator | From Page: A8