Thursday, July 31, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Feeling guilty for what she has received

AnniesMailbox

Dear Annie: My mother-in-law and her husband moved in with us 10 years ago. They even built an addition onto our house, from which we will gain financially if we ever sell it. During this time, I’ve enjoyed Mom’s help with our two kids and the freedom it gives my husband and me. We enjoy childfree vacations every year and go out to dinner without the kids four times a week. My mother-in-law takes care of all the childcare in our home. My husband and I rarely do any parenting except to enjoy our time with the kids and bask in all the extra achievements they have gained as a result of having four loving parents.

The problem is that my husband has two siblings, and my mother-in-law has never done anything for them. She has never even babysat her other grandchildren. She hardly knows the youngest in the family, and I am now ashamed that I have monopolized her time and love. I feel terrible when I’m with my sisters-in-law. I have gained so much while they have had to pay for childcare all these years and struggle through the typical childhood problems without assistance. Their children barely know their Grandma.

What can I do about it now? I want to express my feelings to my sisters-in-law, but I am not sure what to say. I feel terrible around them. Please help.

— Monica

Dear Monica: Chances are, your sisters-in-law have a relationship with Mom that is more complicated than yours. They may not get along as well. Or they may wish she were closer to their children, but might not be interested in having Mom and her husband live with them.

It’s OK to tell them that you wish Mom spent more time with their kids and ask what you can do about it. But also encourage Mom to see her other grandchildren more often. Invite the families to your home (but do not expect Mom to babysit all those children). You are in a position to facilitate a better relationship. We hope everyone will cooperate.

————

Dear Annie: I heard that my cousin’s daughter is giving a surprise baby shower for her sister. This is the girl’s second child. She had a baby shower for the first one two years ago.

Since when is it appropriate to have a baby shower for the second child? Am I out of touch? This simply sounds like a way to get more gifts. I also heard that the shower will be in a restaurant and guests have to pay their own bill.

I haven’t seen these cousins in more than a year. What should I do?

— Kentucky

Dear Kentucky: Baby showers are to help a new parent have clothing, diapers and other necessities for the child. It is assumed that a second child can use the gifts the first child received, so a second baby shower becomes a burden on the guests. (And we won’t get into the impropriety of giving a shower for one’s sister.)

A second shower is considered OK, however, if the parents have moved to another city with different friends or if the births are so far apart that the parents have given away the baby things belonging to the older sibling. Nonetheless, if your cousin’s daughter is going ahead with this, your choice is simply whether or not to attend.

————

Dear Annie: “Proud Military Spouse” is cringing at the thought of her husband’s parents giving him childish gifts at a formal ceremony to mark his change of command. His parents’ gifts are a sign of their love and are not intended to humiliate or embarrass him. A better option might be for her to have a family celebration such as lunch or dinner before the ceremony. He can then receive those gifts in private, rather than in front of his military unit.

— N from Canada

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Davis area youths learn wilderness survival skills

    By Charlotte Orr | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
     
    Local therapists bring ‘Daring Greatly’ movement to Davis

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Firefighters keep Yosemite blaze far from sequoias

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Police nab three for vehicle theft

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

     
    Crews battle grass fire near Davis

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

    Sorting out the claims after pipe break: Who pays?

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Governor says immigration solution is a priority

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    As farmland subsides, aquifer worries mount

    By San Francisco Chronicle | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
    Pogledich named Yolo County counsel

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A5 | Gallery

    Tuleyome launches Kickstarter campaign to publish a children’s nature book

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5 | Gallery

     
    Davis teen on California team for national horticulture competition

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5 | Gallery

    Truth and authenticity on radio program

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

     
    Senior sing-along held monthly

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A8

    .

    Forum

    A rose by any other name

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    Ross Douthat: Democrat, Republican patterns are changing

    By New York Times News Service | From Page: A6

    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

     
    Civilians are innocent victims

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Thanks for your kindnesses

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    Questions, questions, questions

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Speak out

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6

     
    .

    Sports

    Davis Water Polo U10 girls are golden

    By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1

     
    Aggie Silva mixed school and strikes; wins Reno tourney

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Lucky No. 7: Giants snap losing streak

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

     
    River Cats snap three-game losing streak

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Davis Rugby teams wrap up summer season

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

     
    DHS tryout schedule updated; physical packets due

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

    49ers WR Brandon Lloyd enjoying return to NFL

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

     
    Hammel struggles in A’s loss to Astros

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

    .

    Features

    Happy 103rd birthday!

    By Wayne Tilcock | From Page: A2

     
    Fay Libet: 100 years young

    By Spencer Ault | From Page: A3 | Gallery

    Future subscriber: Sonya Theresa Arnold

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Arts

    Landscape exhibition returns to Davis

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

     
    Hear live music at Monticello

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    New KDRT show features touring musicians

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

    Hot City heats up Winters gazebo

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    Enjoy some Mischief at First Saturday event

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

    British organist to play in Davis

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    Native American dancers to perform in Davis

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

    Winters stages ‘All’s Well That Ends Well’

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    .

    Comics

    Comics: Thursday, July 31, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B6