Dear Readers: Happy New Year! We hope you celebrated responsibly, and that 2012 will bring good health and good cheer to all of our wonderful readers.

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Dear Annie: I’ve been married for 14 years and have known my husband’s family for an additional 10. My mother-in-law has always been critical of me, and I know she was critical of both her sons’ previous partners. She has called me lazy, disparages any gift I buy her, criticizes my weight and even selected furniture for our home because I “have no taste.” I always bite my tongue.

Now that we have a child, her behavior has escalated. We moved to a different country (it was my husband’s dream), and she blamed me, saying I am preventing her from having a relationship with my husband and child. For the first time ever, I stood my ground and we had an argument.

Since then, she has openly complained about me to my mother and stepmother. My husband told her she was out of line, but she didn’t stop. My father-in-law takes her side, and they both are demanding an apology. (I’ve already apologized.) They say I am not welcome in their home. My husband’s brother also has joined forces with them.

My husband is having a hard time standing up to his family. I also believe he figures it’s pointless since we live so far away. I will support my husband and child in whatever relationship they decide to have with my in-laws, but I have decided to remove myself from his parents’ lives altogether.

How do I do this without causing an issue in my marriage? Although I am convinced that cutting ties is the healthiest option, how do I stop the anger and sadness at the way I’ve been treated?

— California

Dear California: Try to understand that this is not about you. It’s about your mother-in-law’s need for absolute control over her children. We think you are making the right decision to remove yourself from the drama while allowing your husband and child to have a relationship with the in-laws. But your husband must be vigilant when he visits to make sure that your mother-in-law does not say unkind things about you to the grandchild. If she does, he should leave immediately.

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Dear Annie: My older sister (who has a longstanding case of sibling rivalry) will often say something critical about herself and include me in the put-down. One of my friends does this, as well. For instance, they may say, “It’s time we got a face lift” or “Too bad we look our age.” I think such statements are meant to sabotage my self-esteem, although I’m sure they would deny it if I were to say so. Instead, I remain silent, but I resent it.

Any advice on how to nip their criticisms in the bud without turning it into a confrontation?

— Montreal, Quebec, Canada

Dear Montreal: Some people talk about themselves in the third person as a way to deflect the seriousness of their worries, and it may have nothing to do with you. But if you truly believe your sister and friend are doing this deliberately to undermine your confidence, respond with total innocence, “Oh, no, dear, you don’t look nearly as old as you think.” That should take care of it.

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Dear Annie: I, too, have gone through menopause and have no desire to be intimate with my husband. If the sexual feelings are gone, they cannot be replaced, and sex is boring. I have given in to my husband’s desires, but it is no fun for me, and I feel used afterward.

There is more to a relationship than sex, such as good conversation, holding and understanding where a woman is in life. If this man needs sex so much, I say go find it.

— Understands in Nebraska

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Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

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