Thursday, April 17, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Follow the money?

AnniesMailbox

Dear Annie: What do you do when your husband controls the money? I’m 68 years old, and for the past 10 years, “Robert” has paid the bills and has hidden the checkbook from me.

Robert told me I need to pay my own bills. He has a retirement income, and he still works. I receive Social Security. I have always been thrifty, and although I have a debit card, I am only allowed to use it for necessary things like groceries. I pay for my clothes, haircuts, etc. I bought a new coat yesterday with my own money. Robert scolded me and told me to watch my spending.

Robert does not see how his controlling behavior affects me. Is coping all I can do?

— Craving Trust

Dear Craving: Controlling the finances can be a form of abuse. Hiding the checkbook also keeps you in the dark about where Robert’s money is going. There is no reason to tolerate such behavior. You are a full partner in this marriage and are entitled to see the checkbook, the bank statements and any other financial business that concerns you. If you are afraid of Robert’s reaction, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org) at 1-800-799-SAFE.

————

Dear Annie: I’m in a quandary about my little girl. She believes her mom’s boyfriend is her father, but a DNA test proves that I am her true biological father. The boyfriend does not know, but just about everyone else does.

My daughter is now 6 years old, and I want to tell her the truth. Will I be doing more harm than good?

— Perplexed in Poughkeepsie

Dear Perplexed: If the little girl has a solid and loving relationship with the man she believes is her father, your sudden assumption of that role might be traumatizing for her. You also will be responsible for child support. However, if “everyone else” knows, it’s only a matter of time before the current boyfriend and your child learn the truth.

It is better if this information comes from her mother in a gentle and compassionate way, so Mom’s support is crucial in making this easier. Please ask the mother to come with you for mediation to see whether you can work on being a part of the child’s life. You can discuss it with your clergyperson or a trained counselor, or contact your local family court for a referral to a family mediation program.

————

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “A Good Man Gone Celibate,” who has given up relationships because he can’t find any good women among the gold diggers, scheming manipulators, entitlement princesses, Toxic Thelmas and serial divorcees.

I don’t think it’s fair to blame all women for what is on the dating sites. Most of us are not like that. I own my own home and car and love the job I’ve had for 16 years. My kids are all grown and on their own. I have little drama in my life.

My girlfriends and I have been on most of these sites, and all we get are men who only want sex or those who want to marry you the first time they meet you. We are tired of this. It seems that most men don’t want to take the time to establish any kind of relationship that doesn’t end up in bed after a couple of hours of talking.

My profile says, “If you can carry a conversation for more than 10 minutes without using sexual innuendos or sending naked pictures, please contact me.” Needless to say, I don’t get a lot of contact.

I have been off and on these sites for six years. I, too, get frustrated and disgusted, but I will walk away for a while and come back with a different attitude. Also, Annie, if he takes your advice and chooses more wisely, he may find what he’s looking for.

— Lady with Morals

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Special to The Enterprise

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Davis Enterprise does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Davis wins USA Today Best Cycling Town honor

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1

     
    Benefit set to help local bike legend

    By Adrian Glass-Moore | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Jury deliberates murder, elder-abuse charges

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1

     
    State’s health care sign-ups beat projections

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2, 1 Comment

    For the record

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

     
    California residents divided on drought solution

    By San Francisco Chronicle | From Page: A2

     
    For the record

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A2

    Three killed in attack on Ukrainian base

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2 | Gallery

     
    Downtown post office set to reopen

    By Thomas Oide | From Page: B3

    Run or walk to prevent child abuse in Yolo County

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3 | Gallery

     
    Nominations sought for charity paint giveaway

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3

     
    Scholar will discuss human trafficking in Friday talk

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Per Capita Davis: Now, for some good news

    By John Mott-Smith | From Page: A4

     
    Birch Lane hosts 50th anniversary party

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Hannah Stein reads poetry at gallery

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Davis Food Co-op to offer free bags on Earth Day

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Get in the picture with school board candidate

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    KDVS hosts on-air fundraiser April 21-27

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Tickets on sale for Pence Garden Tour

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Fundraiser planned for Allen’s campaign

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4, 3 Comments

    Food Co-op board plans open house

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Davis Downtown hosts candidate forum

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A4

    Learn more about Google Glass at talk

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Barbecue celebrates winter shelter program

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

    Sign of things to come

    By Fred Gladdis | From Page: A8

     
    Davis Soroptimists celebrate 60 years

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

    .

    Forum

    Fancy meeting you here …

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B5

     
    Don’t miss a Trokanski dance

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Frank Bruni: The oldest hatred, forever young

    By New York Times News Service | From Page: A6, 4 Comments

     
    Expert: Free parking is a myth

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

    Have they really learned?

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    A great community effort

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6, 2 Comments

    Public Health Heroes honored

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

    .

    Sports

    Huge inning propels Pleasant Grove past DHS

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    Giants edge Dodgers

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Foster steps down as Lady Blue Devil basketball coach

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    River Cats’ streak reaches six wins

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    Landry evolves into UCD women’s lacrosse leader

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Youth roundup: Martinez, Chan come up big at gymnastics regional

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

    Kings drop season finale to Suns

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Angels get past A’s in extras

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B8 | Gallery

    .

    Features

    .

    Arts

    Wineaux: Good deals off the beaten path

    By Susan Leonardi | From Page: A7

     
    Rockabilly phenom to play at The Palms

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

    HellaCappella showcases a cappella singing

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    ‘One’ singular sensation to open at DMTC

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

    25th annual state clay competition exhibit at The Artery

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    Tapan Munroe

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Thursday, April 17, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B6