Friday, December 19, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Friend needs help and support

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | August 13, 2014 |

Dear Annie: How do you get help for a friend who appears to be drifting into dementia?

”Marjorie” and I have known each other for more than 20 years, and we have lunch every two weeks. When we first met, Marjorie was bright, energetic and involved in many activities. She is now in her mid-60s.

Two years ago, she suffered a couple of mini-strokes. At first, there were no obvious changes, but as time goes on, it has become more and more difficult to converse with her. She speaks in non sequiturs, has great difficulty finding the right word to express herself and often uses inappropriate phrases. She frequently misunderstands what I am saying and responds oddly. She now has considerable difficulty dealing with calculating the amount of her lunch check tip.

We have a friend whose wife has advanced dementia and is now confined to a care facility. He believes Marjorie is exhibiting the same symptoms. Marjorie seems completely unaware of how she has changed, and I am concerned that she needs help. It also alarms me that Marjorie is still driving and could injure herself or others. I am concerned that the workmen she hires to help around her house are taking advantage of her by charging excessive amounts for their services. If her funds are drained, she will have to substantially reduce her standard of living.

Annie, I am one of Marjorie’s closest friends, and yet I’m reluctant to say anything to her about this. I don’t want to hurt her. How do you tell someone she is losing her mind?

— Concerned Friend

Dear Concerned: You don’t. You tell her you are worried about her and ask whether she’s had a medical checkup recently. Marjorie’s problem may not be dementia, but she won’t know until she checks. (Sometimes, something as treatable as a urinary tract infection can mimic dementia.) If Marjorie has family, please notify them about her deteriorating mental state and suggest they accompany her to the doctor. You also can contact the Alzheimer’s Association (alz.org) helpline at 1-800-272-3900.

————

Dear Annie: In your reply to “At a Loss for Words,” I was surprised you called a grandmother narcissistic because she didn’t want to attend her grandchildren’s college graduations, even though she spoils other grandchildren.There could be a lot of reasons why Grandma made this choice. She may think graduations are boring when she has to sit for hours waiting for a 10-second walk across the stage while people in the audience hoot and holler obnoxiously. Maybe she would’ve had to travel to these events and didn’t want to. And did these grandchildren write thank-you notes for the gifts Grandma gave them over the years?

Grandma’s love language might be gifts, while the daughter’s is quality time, and sitting through a graduation is not quality anything. Chances are the daughter is more hurt than the graduates. She needs to grow up and stop the woe-is-me attitude.

— A Grandma Who Hates Graduations

Dear Grandma: Grandparents don’t attend their grandkids’ events because they are exciting. They go to show their support. If a graduation is “too boring” to be supportive, then Grandma is putting herself first. But we agree about the thank-you notes.

————

Dear Annie: “Salem, Oregon” asked how to get her family to stop giving her Christmas gifts. For several years, I wanted that, too, but my family wouldn’t agree.

Last year, I sent everyone an email telling them I would accept only handmade gifts or a notice of a gift to charity (monetary or that they volunteered). One planted a tree in my name, and I received a card from a charity when another helped with a special project. I plan to do the same thing this year.

— Feeling Great

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Creators Syndicate

.

News

 
UCD, UC team up to study effects of climate change

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Teens’ goal? Helping other soccer players around the world

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
There’s a plate for you at the Davis Holiday Meal

By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Help sought in search for runaway Davis teen

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

 
Feds release ‘framework’ to rate colleges

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

Gunfire leads to DUI arrest

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

 
Police seek suspect in hit-and-run collision

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

 
Sierra Club calendars on sale Saturday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Creative women share food, friendship

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Welcome 2015 with Mumbo Gumbo at a gala bash

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Willett bench is a labor of love

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A4

 
Author! Author! UCD hosts talks, Q and A on Asia-focused books

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

Blue Christmas service planned at Davis churches

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
See diving ducks at city wetlands tour

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5 | Gallery

 
Libraries will be closed around the holidays

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Downtown gift cards get a new perk

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6

 
Meditation, Buddhism classes offered

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

Nobel Prize winner will discuss research related to autism

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

 
A home for the holidays?

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A8 | Gallery

Traditional carols service is Saturday at St. Martin’s

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

 
Explorit: Experience nano this spring

By Lisa Justice | From Page: A9 | Gallery

Donate to STEAC at Original Steve’s

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

 
Grandmothers support group meets weekly

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11, 1 Comment

.

Forum

He needs them to pay up

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

 
Tom Meyer cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A14

Cheers and Jeers: Have you ever seen the rain?

By Our View | From Page: A14

 
Defeating Ebola involves medicine, and prayers

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A14 | Gallery

Kudos to Central Park Gardens donors and volunteers

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A14

 
.

Sports

Cousins is back in lineup but Kings fall

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Devil boys hold off scrappy Rio Linda

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Lady Blue Devils rout an undefeated Liberty squad

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

 
UCD RB coach Wright heads to Florida; what next?

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1

Aggies nab junior college defensive lineman

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

 
Nostra-Dunning makes his college bowl picks

By Bob Dunning | From Page: B2

Tennyson’s first goal is the difference in Sharks win

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6 | Gallery

 
.

Features

Name droppers: Trio elected to academy of inventors

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

 
.

Arts

 
DMTC announces auditions for ‘Sweeney Todd’

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A15

 
‘Before Midnight’ screening is tonight

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A15

DMTC plans New Year’s Eve party

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A15

 
Tom Rigney and Flambeau to play

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A15

 
.

Business

After 19 years, Alfa Romeo returns

By Ann M. Job | From Page: A16

 
.

Obituaries

Rena Sylvia Smilkstein

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

 
.

Comics