Sunday, April 20, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Frustration comes to the surface

AnniesMailbox

Dear Annie: My husband and I are in our early 80s. We have four children. “John” and “Susan” are from my first marriage. They were very young when my first husband died and I remarried. I then had “Jane” and “Alice.”

On my most recent birthday, Jane took my husband and me to our favorite restaurant. Jane also invited Alice, who lives in a rental on our property. (Susan lives in another state.) Alice posted on Facebook what a nice dinner we had. The next morning, Susan called Alice at 4 a.m., screaming, “Why didn’t you invite John?” She then proceeded to call me and scream. I was shocked.

I sent her an email later and asked why she was so upset. I love John, but he has made a mess of his life. He is a bully and has had confrontations with everyone in the family. We recently found out that John molested Alice when she was 5 years old. Alice is cordial when she is forced to be around him, but John has never admitted or apologized for his actions.

My older kids are not terribly reliable. We named Jane executor of our estate because Susan is a heavy pot smoker and quick-tempered, and John cannot be trusted. It breaks my heart, but that’s the way it is.

Susan hasn’t spoken to me in months. I now believe she and John have always been jealous of my younger daughters. Even though my husband raised them all, Susan has said hurtful things about him. She also says I “never wanted” her. This is completely untrue.

I pine for Susan every day, but I refuse to phone her because of the awful things she says to me. My husband says we only have a few years left and we should enjoy them. What do you think?

— Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken: It is not unusual for children, even grown ones, to harbor resentments and jealousies against younger siblings, particularly when those siblings are from a different marriage. While your older kids could have benefited from family counseling at the time, there’s not much you can do about that now. We suggest you send Susan a letter or an email, simply saying that you love her and always will, that you are sorry for the rift, and that you hope someday her anger will pass.

Meanwhile, please have Alice contact RAINN (rainn.org) at 1-800-656-HOPE. Being cordial to her molester may be harder on her than you think.

————

Dear Annie: I was taught that “RSVP” stands for “please respond.” But these days, huge organizations (often charities) send mass-mailed invitations to hundreds of people, some of whom have little connection to the group and may live so far away that it would be extraordinary if they attended.

I always write a note sending my regrets, because this has been ingrained in me. But I also worry that the functionary who receives my note wonders, “Who is this anachronism living in the past century?” Do the charities really expect the non-attendees to RSVP that they will not be there, or do they merely seek a head count?

— Don’t Want To Be Old-Fashioned

Dear Don’t: They want a head count, but an RSVP saying “no” is equally appropriate. And we are certain they appreciate (and marvel at) an actual handwritten response by someone who is well-mannered enough to send one. Bless your heart.

————

Dear Annie: Please tell “Polly Positive” that she and her husband should attend a cancer support group. After my husband was diagnosed with cancer, we joined two cancer support groups. We get a lot of information from the survivors and are able to give advice to the newly diagnosed. I can’t stress strongly enough how important support groups are.

— Big Cancer Support Group Advocate

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Special to The Enterprise

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Davis Enterprise does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Hub of activity: DHS newspaper keeps evolving

    By Zoe Juanitas | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    A springtime ritual

    By Wayne Tilcock | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Holy fire ceremony draws thousands in Jerusalem

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2 | Gallery

     
    Ortiz lawn signs available

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Sign up soon for spring cooking classes

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Robb Davis team to rally on Saturday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Tour renovated YCCC facility Thursday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Tour Davis Waldorf School on Wednesday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    The fifth annual Tour de Cluck is soon to be hatched

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3 | Gallery

    Yolo Hospice offers free grief workshops

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Sign up for Camp Kesem caterpillar crawl

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Quilters gear up for annual show

    By Sebastian Onate | From Page: A4

     
    Steadfast in their support

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A4, 11 Comments | Gallery

    League hosts a series of candidate forums

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

     
    KDVS launches fund drive on Monday

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A5

    Calling all Scrabble fans

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5, 1 Comment | Gallery

     
    Hub webpage is seeing traffic increasing

    By Zoe Juanitas | From Page: A8

    Learn Chinese crafts at I-House

    By Sebastian Onate | From Page: A16

     
    Preschool open house set at Davis Waldorf

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A16

    Birch Lane celebrates its 50th anniversary

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A16

     
    Hotel/conference center info meeting set

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A16

    Lescroart welcomes all to book-launch party

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A16 | Gallery

     
    DEVO set to serve up 14th annual Winkler Dinner

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A16, 1 Comment | Gallery

    .

    Forum

    Take ownership of your health

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B5

     
    Not thrilled with lack of symmetry

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

    Reliving the agony and ecstasy of spring

    By Marion Franck | From Page: A7

     
    Keep your baby safe

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

     
    Rick McKee cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A12

     
    Core values on campus

    By Our View | From Page: A12, 3 Comments

    Road diet? No, city diet!

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A12, 5 Comments

     
    We’re reveling in our equality

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A12, 1 Comment

    Vote no; it’s fiscally responsible

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A12, 3 Comments

     
    Bill is an affront to UC Davis ag biotech and local farmers

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A13, 3 Comments

    Don’t want to sit in Fix 50 traffic? Consider alternatives

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A13, 1 Comment

     
    .

    Sports

    Stars shine in Woody Wilson Classic

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1, 1 Comment | Gallery

     
    Devils burn up the track

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    UCD softball shut out by Santa Barbara

    By Thomas Oide | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Aggie men shoot 9-under, lead own tourney

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    UCD roundup: Aggie baseball swept away by Highlanders

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

    A’s score 3 in ninth, rally past Astros 4-3

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

     
    .

    Features

    .

    Arts

    .

    Business

    Pediatricians, nurse practitioner hired at Woodland Healthcare

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9 | Gallery

     
    Asian stocks mostly higher after mixed U.S. earnings

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

    Yolo Federal Credit Union gets WISH funds

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

     
    PG&E pays taxes, fees to county, cities

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9, 1 Comment

    Will Davis get an Old Soul?

    By Wendy Weitzel | From Page: A9

     
    University Honda wins another President’s Award

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A14 | Gallery

    Dutch Bros. raises $19,000 for girl with leukemia

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A14 | Gallery

     
    Davis Roots will showcase its graduating startups

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A14

    .

    Obituaries

    .

    Comics

    Comics: Sunday, April 20, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B8