Dear Annie: In one short month, my life has fallen apart. My son and his wife have a beautiful 7-year-old boy — bright, funny and athletic. From the day he was born, I helped care for him while his parents worked. I rearranged my work schedule so I would be available for him. I taught him to ride a bike, bought him clothes and toys, stayed with him in the hospital when he was ill, laughed with him, held him, kissed him, read to him.

The problem? His parents and I had an argument, and they threatened to keep him away. We both said hurtful things, and I apologized for mine, but in response, I was told, “Please don’t contact us anymore.” I called my grandson and told him I was sad and afraid I might lose him. My son said I was involving the child in the problem, so I haven’t seen or spoken to my grandchild in four weeks.

Now my son and daughter-in-law are writing up a legal contract that will tell me how to behave around my grandson. Why are they so angry? They used me until they didn’t need me anymore. Now they want to control me. I am a mature, well-regarded adult, loved by the rest of my family, respected by my boss and liked by my neighbors. I have common sense and am a kind person. But now I am so angry and hurt, I don’t know what to do.

Do I let this child go? Do I agree to some contract that makes me sound like a criminal? How do I forgive my own son for treating me like this? How can I ever trust the parents again? I no longer know these people I thought I loved. Nothing about this seems fair for my grandson or me. What do I do?

— Sad in Nashville

Dear Sad: Our hearts are breaking for you, but in all fairness, your son was right about one thing: You should not have phoned your grandson, because it made his parents seem like the bad guys and put him in the middle. Your anger and grief made you overstep, and your son is going to make sure it doesn’t happen again. You’ll have to eat a lot of crow if you want to see your grandson. Sign the paper. Show that you respect their authority as parents. We hope, in time, you can all forgive each other. For your grandson’s sake. He needs you in his life.

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Dear Annie: I recently lost a brother to a drug overdose. After his death, our sister stole his debit card and used it to buy drugs. She came to the funeral home high. Now my brother’s wife wants to prosecute. My parents are going to pay back the stolen amount so my sister doesn’t go to jail.

My sister is a drug addict, and they keep enabling her. They say they don’t want to bury another child, but they are helping to kill her. They read your column. Maybe you can get through to them. This has been going on for 25 years, and I have never had a good relationship with my sister because of her drug use. The sister I knew has been gone for a long time.

— Losing My Family

Dear Family: We are certain your parents are beside themselves with worry, but you are right that they are enabling your sister’s addiction. Please contact Because I Love You (bily.org) for suggestions, assistance and support.

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Dear Annie: I have a better solution for “Forgotten in California,” whose co-workers forgot her birthday. They should have an office policy saying the birthday girl or boy brings their own treats, if they so choose. (Just like grade school, remember?) That way, they can bring whatever they like (maybe they prefer fruit to cake) and can afford. If they forget, they have no one but themselves to blame.

— Practical in Nebraska

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Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

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