Friday, February 27, 2015
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Grieving mother looks for support

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | February 08, 2013 |

Dear Annie: I lost my beautiful daughter to suicide six months ago. A strong and able firefighter, she was also extremely active in her community.

Naturally, I leaned on my mother for consolation, but I didn’t find it. Instead, my mother was distant and uninterested in my pain. It was an effort even to get her to attend my daughter’s memorial service. She said it would be hypocritical to go, because she hadn’t spoken to my daughter for years. I can’t recall what hurt my mother so much that she decided never to speak to my daughter again. Now she says she doesn’t want to hear from me until I am feeling better.

I am well aware of my mother’s inability to talk about things that cause her pain. However, I don’t believe pushing me out of her life solves anything. My mother told me she doesn’t approve of the way I expressed myself angrily to people who claimed to be friends of my daughter but proceeded to spread ugly lies about her past. In my grief, I confronted these people and protected my daughter as any parent would have. My mother told me to get mental health assistance, and she refuses to speak to me.

I sought advice from a psychologist, who said I seem very aware of everyone’s feelings and there is nothing wrong with me. I simply need time to heal. She thinks my mother is acting unreasonably.

Not only did I lose my only child, but I also lost my mother when I needed her most. Is there anything I can do to make her understand how painful this is?

— Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken: Our deepest condolences on the loss of your daughter. Your mother sounds incapable of showing sympathy or providing consolation. She may also be feeling guilty for never having reconciled with her granddaughter, believing that there was plenty of time to do so. We cannot make your mother a more compassionate human being. We can only recommend that you get grief counseling and find support through The Compassionate Friends (compassionatefriends.org) at 1-877-969-0010, an organization for parents whose children have died.

————

Dear Annie: My parents have always favored my oldest brother. My other two siblings and I all feel this way, so it’s pretty much a given.

My parents and I have never had an easy relationship. While I’ve obeyed their rules, maintained their standards and respected their wishes, I have never conformed to their ideals, so I’ve been branded as “rebellious.” When I confronted them about their favoritism, they absolutely denied treating my brother any better than the rest of us. They also told me I have a rebellious heart. How can I make them realize that they do indeed show favoritism, and that I am not rebellious?

— Tired of Favoritism

Dear Tired: Those are tough challenges and will likely take a while to accomplish. Parents are reluctant to admit when they favor one child over another and often don’t see it. And it takes time and effort — from all of you — for parents to alter their perceptions of a child’s “nature.” Talk to your parents politely and calmly. Explain that you aren’t looking to be confrontational. Ask them to tell you more specifically what they need from you so you can work on it. We hope the honest question will open their minds and allow the relationship to improve.

————

Dear Annie: I got a kick out of the comment from “Midwest Cook,” who exempted Brussels sprouts and sauerkraut from the “required” list of kids foods. Admittedly, sauerkraut can be hard to make appealing, but Brussels sprouts can be cooked in chicken broth to make them delicious. Our kids still request them. And kraut can be made exciting with just a bit more imagination.

— Mike in Hawaii

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Ag secretary: Smartphones could tell what’s in food

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Child support is key to fighting poverty

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1

    Dodd pushes for help on water rates

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1

     
    Hope succumbs to despair as missing baby’s body found

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Ukraine will start pulling back heavy weapons

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Gas drags consumer prices down 0.7%

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    USDA grants will combat citrus greening disease

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

     
    Davis Baha’is celebrate Festival of Ayyam-i-Ha

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

    Breakfast with the Bunny tickets go on sale soon

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
    Suit Up for Success program needs clothing donations

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3Comments are off for this post

    We All Have a Heritage program kicks off

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Pedal around Davis on weekly bike ride

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

    NAMI meets for potluck, discussion on March 4

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Dillard, McNamara appointed to state ag board

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

    Fourth of July concessionaires solicited

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Purim Carnival celebrates freedom with fun

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4 | Gallery

    Davis Media Access: Updates from D.C. and closer to home

    By Autumn Labbe-Renault | From Page: A5

     
    UCD Center for Pain Medicine receives highest recognition

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

    UC Davis students join international campaign

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6

     
    Wolk to chair Senate wine committee

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

    .

    Forum

    A single vote really does count

    By Tom Elias | From Page: B4

     
    The Keystone veto: You want jobs? Try this

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B4

    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: B4

     
    Lady Devils are truly a team

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

    Headlights on, please!

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

     
    Anything goes? Not really

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B4

    New couple needs boundaries

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    .

    Sports

    Tired Aggies drop homestand finale, 4-2

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Blue Devil boys expect a spike in production

    By Thomas Oide | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Familiar face leads Davis badminton into new era

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    DHS golfers seek to repeat past success in new Delta League

    By Kellen Browning | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    DHS girls host another playoff matchup Thursday night

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    UCD basketball teams enter pressure-packed final 2 weeks

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Youth roundup: Davis rugby girls play Clayton Valley tough

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

     
    Kings grind it out against Grizzlies

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B10

    .

    Features

    Eastham takes top spot in photo contest

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: B3

     
    College Corner: Is there such a thing as BOGO?

    By Jennifer Borenstein | From Page: B3

    Da Vinci students bring on the Roaring ’20s

    By Kellen Browning | From Page: B3 | Gallery

     
    What’s happening

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: B3

    Name Droppers: Sperling gets leadership position

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6

     
    Citrus in your garden and in the news

    By Don Shor | From Page: A10 | Gallery

     
    .

    Arts

     
    ‘Dia de los Cuentos’ a delight for young viewers, and old

    By Bev Sykes | From Page: A8 | Gallery

    DMTC announces ‘Wizard of Oz’ auditions

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A8

     
    Gallery hosts fundraiser Saturday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

    Sundays at I-House season kicks off with two popular bands

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9 | Gallery

     
    American Bach Soloists revisit monumental St. Matthew Passion

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9 | Gallery

    Free Range singers open season

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9

     
    The Blue Mango show reception set for Saturday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

    LaBute discusses his adaptation of Buchner’s ‘Woyzeck’

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9

     
    Camp Shakespeare 2015 planned

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    Vernon E. Burton

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Robert Hugh McWherter

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

    .

    Comics

    Comics: Thursday, February 26, 2015

    By Creator | From Page: B8