Sunday, December 28, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

He had to be the man of the house

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | October 09, 2012 |

Dear Annie: My son married a young widow with two small boys. They have been married 15 years and are currently expecting their first child together. Throughout this marriage, my daughter-in-law would never let my son have any kind of fatherly relationship with her older boy, although he was the sole father of the younger child. Now the older boy is 20 and won’t leave his mother’s side.

He has had only one girlfriend, and she was the daughter of a close friend of Mom’s. He has to sleep in the bedroom next to hers. He paces the floor until she gets home from work and then follows her around the house. He sits outside the bathroom door while she bathes. He calls and texts her constantly, and she does the same. When he graduated high school, he attended a local community college because he didn’t want to leave the city. But it became too difficult to drive back and forth between school and the house, so he quit and got a minimum-wage job.

This young man doesn’t have a good relationship with his younger brother or my son. It’s as though he resents their presence in the home and wants his mother all to himself. She takes him everywhere she goes. I find it very strange and can’t help wondering whether they are involved in an incestuous relationship. What do you think?

— Just Wondering

Dear Wondering: We don’t believe it is necessarily incestuous, but it is decidedly unhealthy. The mother has created a dependency. She treated her son as a “husband substitute” when she was widowed, and he has clung to that job (with her encouragement) ever since. This is unfair to the boy, as well as to his brother. And there is the possibility that the mother will transfer her affections to the new baby, creating a more serious problem.

Please talk to your son and urge him to help this young man become independent of his mother — a developmental step that he has missed. It sounds as if the entire family could use some counseling.

————

Dear Annie: I love my mother, but our relationship has never been easy. Most of my childhood memories are unpleasant due to my parents’ nasty divorce. When my younger brother chose to live with Dad, it just about killed Mom. The bitterness and depression swallowed her up. My brother and I could never fill the hole in her heart or put a smile on her face.

I am now 25 and can’t stand her self-pity and rude comments about my father and brother. She complains about being single, having no friends and coming home to an empty house. I try to spend time with her, but we always end up arguing. I think she thrives on the conflict.

My husband and I plan to start a family soon. I want my mother in my life, but I don’t want my kids to be around so much negativity. There is no loving way to describe her negative attitude. How would I explain it to them?

— Worried Daughter

Dear Daughter: Kids are amazingly adaptable and accepting. If your mother loves them, they will respond and understand that this is just the way Grandma is. You may need to set boundaries on how much rudeness she spouts in front of them and limit her time when she is particularly negative. But otherwise, handle each challenge as it appears.

————

Dear Annie: As a public health official, I disagree with your response to “Concerned Sister,” whose sister has dogs, cats, turtles and a lizard. The home environment as described suggests some significant health issues, from salmonella that is carried by reptiles to canine feces left on the floors for periods of time. These health hazards are sources of pathogens that cause infectious diseases. If there isn’t a mental health diagnosis, the symptoms are definitely in place for one.

— D.S., Health Director

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

     
    Yolo makes hydrogen connection

    By Elizabeth Case | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    N. Korea uses racial slur against Obama over hack

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    AirAsia plane with 162 aboard missing in Indonesia

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Sacramento man convicted for 2011 bar shooting

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

    Drugs, stolen car lead to women’s arrests

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

     
    NYC officer mourned at funeral as tensions linger

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Covell Gardens hosts New Year’s Eve dance

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    UC Davis debate team wins national championship

    By Kathy Keatley Garvey | From Page: A3 | Gallery

    Portuguese breakfast set for Jan. 25

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Pedal around Davis on weekly bike ride

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Nominate teens for Golden Heart awards

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    USA Weekend calls it quits

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Supplies collected for victims of abuse

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Sweet success: Cancer Center helps young patient celebrate end of treatment

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3 | Gallery

    Reserve tickets soon for Chamber’s Installation Gala

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Holiday hours continue at The Enterprise

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    At the Pond: It all started with kayaking on Putah Creek

    By Jean Jackman | From Page: A5 | Gallery

     
    Find the first cabbage white butterfly, and win a pitcher

    By Kathy Keatley Garvey | From Page: A6 | Gallery

    Does pre-eclampsia raise autism risk?

    By Phyllis Brown | From Page: A6

     
    Long will talk about value of hedgerows for adjacent farms

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6 | Gallery

     
    It’s a wonderful life — and a wonderful state

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8 | Gallery

    College sees benefits in loan guarantees

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

     
    Tickets for New Year’s Eve party going fast

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A12

    .

    Forum

    It was a busy, black-eye year for disease control

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B4

     
    This cat is on life No. 7

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B4

     
    Say thanks to the caregivers

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    Bombing is not the answer

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

    Just Us in Davis: Despair and hope for the new year

    By Jonathan London | From Page: A10

     
    Commission’s list needs vetting

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

    Rifkin’s statement is offensive

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

     
    Cuba policy changes highlight a momentous opportunity

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A11 | Gallery

    Writer’s arguments fall flat

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A11

     
    .

    Sports

    Sacramento survives Knicks in OT

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Kings cruise past Sharks

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

    Lady Blue Devils top Tigers to reach Ram Jam title game

    By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    DHS boys get good film in tournament loss

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    Sports briefs: Republic FC to host camp series

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

     
    College bowl roundup: Sun Bowl goes to the Sun Devils

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B10 | Gallery

    .

    Features

    .

    Arts

    .

    Business

    Rob White: Davis tech community is growing

    By Rob White | From Page: A9

     
    Yolo County real estate sales

    By Zoe Juanitas | From Page: A9

    First Northern adds Peyret to agribusiness loan team

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

     
    Kaiser’s trauma center in Vacaville earns verification

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

    .

    Obituaries

    Ruth Allen Barr

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Charles ‘Bud’ Meyer

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

    .

    Comics

    Comics: Sunday, December 28, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B8