Thursday, April 17, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

He insists it was all innocent

AnniesMailbox

Dear Annie: Three months ago, my husband and I were introduced to a couple through mutual friends. My husband could not take his eyes off the woman all evening. They arranged to go on an all-day seminar course together. The course leader took a suggestive photo of them that he circulated to all his male friends. Shortly after, he asked for a divorce out of the blue, saying I criticized him too much.

I snooped on his computer and found the photo along with other highly flirtatious emails, one of them arranging to meet this woman during the day. Both of them made excuses, telling her boyfriend and our mutual friends that they had accidentally bumped into each other. Shortly after that, she broke up with her boyfriend while he was undergoing chemotherapy.

I never told my husband that I knew about their flirtation, as I wanted to see where it was headed. When my husband said maybe we should work on our marriage, we went for couples counseling. That’s when I brought it up, showing the counselor all of the photographs and emails I found.

My husband says he did nothing wrong, that I ruined a good friendship, and that he feels “violated” because I snooped on his computer. He has since changed all of his passwords. But he still wants to work on our marriage.

If he thinks he did nothing wrong, it makes me believe he will do it again, and who knows where it will lead? How can I work on our marriage if he won’t acknowledge that his actions were more than “friendly”?

— In Limbo

Dear Limbo: Your counselor should be addressing these issues during your sessions. If that hasn’t happened, please go back and try again. Your husband needs to admit that his interest in this woman was inappropriate and put your marriage at risk. There are also trust and communication issues. This is what counseling is for. The two of you have a lot of work to do, but it requires honesty all around.

————

Dear Annie: My aunt’s son is a drug addict. He has been in and out of jail and treatment centers, and she has not spoken to many of us over the years.

My aunt is planning on coming to my grandmother’s home for Christmas dinner and bringing her son. I do not feel comfortable around my cousin. I think he is dangerous. My relatives say it’s time for the family to heal, and I should forgive him. They are all willing to sit down with him because they think he is clean and drug-free. I don’t trust that he is, and I don’t want my children in his presence. What do you think?

— Niece

Dear Niece: You should protect your children from anyone who poses a danger. But you aren’t giving your cousin a chance to reintegrate himself into the family if he is, in fact, clean. We understand your reluctance to be around him, but addicts who are making a sincere effort need the emotional support of their families. How long has he claimed to be drug-free? Is there any evidence that he has relapsed? You might consider stopping by Grandma’s house without your children to check on the situation and say hello, and then have your Christmas dinner elsewhere.

————

Dear Annie: This is for “North Carolina,” who does not appreciate his boss’s language. Since the boss is willing to work on it, I suggest he place a “Fine Jar” on the table with a list of words and their corresponding fines. Every time anyone says one of the words, he has to pay the fine. The money can go toward refreshments at the next meeting or to charity.

This game makes light of the problem while reinforcing better behavior. It worked for me in a highly sensitive job where the boss had an enormous ego.

— Neighbor in Kentucky

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Special to The Enterprise

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Davis Enterprise does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

     
    Davis wins USA Today Best Cycling Town honor

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1

     
    Benefit set to help local bike legend

    By Adrian Glass-Moore | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Jury deliberates murder, elder-abuse charges

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1

     
    State’s health care sign-ups beat projections

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2, 1 Comment

    For the record

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

     
    California residents divided on drought solution

    By San Francisco Chronicle | From Page: A2

     
    For the record

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A2

    Three killed in attack on Ukrainian base

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2 | Gallery

     
    Downtown post office set to reopen

    By Thomas Oide | From Page: B3

    Run or walk to prevent child abuse in Yolo County

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3 | Gallery

     
    Nominations sought for charity paint giveaway

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3

     
    Scholar will discuss human trafficking in Friday talk

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Per Capita Davis: Now, for some good news

    By John Mott-Smith | From Page: A4

     
    Birch Lane hosts 50th anniversary party

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Hannah Stein reads poetry at gallery

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Davis Food Co-op to offer free bags on Earth Day

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Get in the picture with school board candidate

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    KDVS hosts on-air fundraiser April 21-27

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Tickets on sale for Pence Garden Tour

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Fundraiser planned for Allen’s campaign

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4, 3 Comments

    Food Co-op board plans open house

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Davis Downtown hosts candidate forum

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A4

    Learn more about Google Glass at talk

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Barbecue celebrates winter shelter program

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

    Sign of things to come

    By Fred Gladdis | From Page: A8

     
    Davis Soroptimists celebrate 60 years

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

    .

    Forum

    Fancy meeting you here …

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B5

     
    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

    Don’t miss a Trokanski dance

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    Frank Bruni: The oldest hatred, forever young

    By New York Times News Service | From Page: A6, 4 Comments

    Expert: Free parking is a myth

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

     
    Have they really learned?

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    A great community effort

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6, 2 Comments

     
    Public Health Heroes honored

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    .

    Sports

    Landry evolves into UCD women’s lacrosse leader

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Huge inning propels Pleasant Grove past DHS

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    Giants edge Dodgers

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Foster steps down as Lady Blue Devil basketball coach

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    River Cats’ streak reaches six wins

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    Youth roundup: Martinez, Chan come up big at gymnastics regional

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

    Kings drop season finale to Suns

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

     
    Angels get past A’s in extras

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B8 | Gallery

    .

    Features

    .

    Arts

    Wineaux: Good deals off the beaten path

    By Susan Leonardi | From Page: A7

     
    Rockabilly phenom to play at The Palms

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

    HellaCappella showcases a cappella singing

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    ‘One’ singular sensation to open at DMTC

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

    25th annual state clay competition exhibit at The Artery

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    Tapan Munroe

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Thursday, April 17, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B6