Friday, April 17, 2015
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

He insists it was all innocent

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | December 07, 2012 |

Dear Annie: Three months ago, my husband and I were introduced to a couple through mutual friends. My husband could not take his eyes off the woman all evening. They arranged to go on an all-day seminar course together. The course leader took a suggestive photo of them that he circulated to all his male friends. Shortly after, he asked for a divorce out of the blue, saying I criticized him too much.

I snooped on his computer and found the photo along with other highly flirtatious emails, one of them arranging to meet this woman during the day. Both of them made excuses, telling her boyfriend and our mutual friends that they had accidentally bumped into each other. Shortly after that, she broke up with her boyfriend while he was undergoing chemotherapy.

I never told my husband that I knew about their flirtation, as I wanted to see where it was headed. When my husband said maybe we should work on our marriage, we went for couples counseling. That’s when I brought it up, showing the counselor all of the photographs and emails I found.

My husband says he did nothing wrong, that I ruined a good friendship, and that he feels “violated” because I snooped on his computer. He has since changed all of his passwords. But he still wants to work on our marriage.

If he thinks he did nothing wrong, it makes me believe he will do it again, and who knows where it will lead? How can I work on our marriage if he won’t acknowledge that his actions were more than “friendly”?

— In Limbo

Dear Limbo: Your counselor should be addressing these issues during your sessions. If that hasn’t happened, please go back and try again. Your husband needs to admit that his interest in this woman was inappropriate and put your marriage at risk. There are also trust and communication issues. This is what counseling is for. The two of you have a lot of work to do, but it requires honesty all around.

————

Dear Annie: My aunt’s son is a drug addict. He has been in and out of jail and treatment centers, and she has not spoken to many of us over the years.

My aunt is planning on coming to my grandmother’s home for Christmas dinner and bringing her son. I do not feel comfortable around my cousin. I think he is dangerous. My relatives say it’s time for the family to heal, and I should forgive him. They are all willing to sit down with him because they think he is clean and drug-free. I don’t trust that he is, and I don’t want my children in his presence. What do you think?

— Niece

Dear Niece: You should protect your children from anyone who poses a danger. But you aren’t giving your cousin a chance to reintegrate himself into the family if he is, in fact, clean. We understand your reluctance to be around him, but addicts who are making a sincere effort need the emotional support of their families. How long has he claimed to be drug-free? Is there any evidence that he has relapsed? You might consider stopping by Grandma’s house without your children to check on the situation and say hello, and then have your Christmas dinner elsewhere.

————

Dear Annie: This is for “North Carolina,” who does not appreciate his boss’s language. Since the boss is willing to work on it, I suggest he place a “Fine Jar” on the table with a list of words and their corresponding fines. Every time anyone says one of the words, he has to pay the fine. The money can go toward refreshments at the next meeting or to charity.

This game makes light of the problem while reinforcing better behavior. It worked for me in a highly sensitive job where the boss had an enormous ego.

— Neighbor in Kentucky

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    It’ll be a perfect day for a picnic — and lots more

    By Tanya Perez | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Turning a mess into olive oil success

    By Dave Jones | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Psychedelic rock posters recall 1960s concerts

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    UCD study: Crickets not enough to feed the world just yet

    By Kathy Keatley Garvey | From Page: A1

    Bob Dunning: Chasing criminals and water-wasters

    By Bob Dunning | From Page: A2

     
    UCD expands emergency notification service

    By Julia Ann Easley | From Page: A2

    California vaccine bill stalls; will come back next week

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Cities: California water reduction order unrealistic, unfair

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Local students to perform at fundraising concert

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
    CA House hosts crepe breakfast

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Doxie Derby crowns the winning wiener

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Fundraiser benefits Ugandan women

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Enjoy a chemistry bang on Picnic Day

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Start your Picnic Day with pancakes

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    See pups at Picnic Day

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4 | Gallery

     
    Davis poet will read his work at library

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Free blood pressure screenings offered

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4Comments are off for this post

     
    Rotary Club hosts whisky tasting

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Ribs and Rotary benefits local charities

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4 | Gallery

     
    Dodd plans fundraising barbecue in Davis

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Soroptimists set date for golf tourney

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Socks collected for homeless veterans

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Council will present environmental awards Tuesday

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

     
    Invention and upcycling to be honored at Square Tomatoes Fair

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

     
    Take a peek at Putah Creek on daylong tour

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5 | Gallery

    Pence Gallery Garden Tour tickets on sale

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

     
    Portuguese influence in Yolo County detailed

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

     
    UC Davis Circle K Club wins awards at district convention

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

    Davis authors featured at writing conference in Stockton

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

     
    Sign up soon for Davis history tour

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6 | Gallery

    Campus firearms bill passes Senate committee

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

     
    Emerson featured at photography program

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

    Concert and dance party celebrate KDRT’s 10 years on the air

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7 | Gallery

     
    Survival skills to be taught at preserve

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9

    .

    Forum

    The new one puts her foot down

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    Know where your gift is going

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A8

    Pipeline veto a good move

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A8

     
    Artists offer heartfelt thanks

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A8

    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A8

     
    It’s time to fight for California’s jobs

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

     
    Future leaders give back

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A8

    .

    Sports

    DHS boys drop another Delta League match

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Aggie women ready to host (win?) Big West golf tourney

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1

    New strength coach hopes to stem UCD football injury tide

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Herd has too much for Devil softballers

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    Les, AD Gould talk about the Aggie coach’s future

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1

     
    UCD roundup: Quintet of Aggie gymnasts honored for academics

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

     
    River Cats fall to Las Vegas

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B12

     
    Diamondbacks defeat Giants in 12 innings

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B12 | Gallery

    .

    Features

    DSF kicks off 10th anniversary celebration at the carousel

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: B5

     
    Many summer enrichment opportunities available for students

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: B5

     
    What’s happening

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: B5

    .

    Arts

    ‘True Story:’ In their dreams

    By Derrick Bang | From Page: A10 | Gallery

     
    ‘Once’ an unforgetable celebration of music, relationships

    By Bev Sykes | From Page: A11 | Gallery

     
    .

    Business

    Honda shows off new Civic at New York show

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

     
    .

    Obituaries

    Robert Leigh Cordrey

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Ruth Rodenbeck Stumpf

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    .

    Comics

    Comics: Friday, April 17, 2015

    By Creator | From Page: B10