Sunday, January 25, 2015
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

He wants more out of marriage

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B6 | March 04, 2014 |

Dear Annie: I’d give anything to be intimate with my wife, in any form. We’ve been married for 18 years. We have not made love in more than three. We also don’t hold hands, hug, kiss or cuddle. We have pleasant conversations, and I would classify us as compatible roommates.

My wife once had a very active libido, but there was a decline in sexual frequency after the birth of our second child. We had many conversations about it, but she and I both attributed it to crazy schedules and her moderate weight gain. She joined Weight Watchers and lost the weight. In the meantime, I gained 65 pounds.

I help out around the house as best I can. I bathe and groom regularly. I went for counseling by myself and then started hinting to her about wanting to resume sex. Last year, I finally asked her why we don’t make love anymore. Her answer stunned me. My weight gain was such that she no longer finds me physically attractive. I thought I was a good person and a good husband. Apparently none of that mattered enough.

She finally agreed to couples counseling. We went once and things improved for about two weeks, but then her mother’s health declined and everything was put on the back burner. I started going to the gym and lost five pounds, but no more.

Our bed is a dead zone. I don’t know whether it’s better to be lonely in a marriage or to be alone. I know we should return to counseling, but between her mother’s health, financial issues, underachieving teenagers and my own depression, I am not seeing the point and no longer believe all of this effort will make any difference. Any suggestions?

— Frustrated on the West Coast

Dear West Coast: Right now, you don’t have the energy to work on your intimacy issues on top of everything else. And even if you did, your wife might not. Life is full of stressful periods, and you cannot let the overriding problem in your marriage slide by while you wait for things to settle down. Get back into counseling for your own sake, whether your wife goes or not. It will help you reach clarity about your situation and how to proceed. And please work on your weight to get healthier. You’ll feel better mentally, as well as physically.

————

Dear Annie: A person I know gossips nonstop. She can tell you the latest about everyone in the neighborhood. She also badmouths people behind their backs. She uses the guise of caring to find out whatever she can so she can spread more gossip. She is manipulative and deceitful and uses people to get what she wants, including favors and free rides. Worse, she presents herself as deeply religious.

Am I wrong to want as little as possible to do with this woman?

— Don’t Know

Dear Don’t Know: You do know. This woman sounds toxic. She doesn’t deserve an audience. Avoiding her won’t make her stop gossiping about you or badmouthing you behind your back. But at least you won’t have to listen to the malicious things she says about others, which can color how you perceive them.

————

Dear Annie: I am writing about the letter from “Not the Company’s Bank,” the wife whose husband was not being reimbursed for his business expenses in a timely fashion. I am happy to suggest an easy solution.

Hubby should go to the boss or accounting department and ask for a company credit card to be used solely for his business expenses. Instead of needing reimbursement, each month’s bill would be sent directly to the firm. The husband could have a copy in order to break down the expenses by client for billing purposes or to justify a questionable expense. The responsibility for timely payment would be squarely in the firm’s control.

— A Former Bookkeeper

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

     
    Four days of unusual, adventuresome music

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Red Cross honors community heroes

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Bridges of Yolo County: Wear, tear … repair?

    By Elizabeth Case | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Abe ‘speechless’ after video claims IS hostage dead

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    GOP presses state bills limiting gay rights before ruling

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Abortion opponents express renewed hope at California rally

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Spanish police arrest 4 suspected members of a jihadi cell

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Rockets kill 30 in Ukrainian city as rebels launch offensive

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Fake schools draw federal scrutiny

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A3 | Gallery

    Winter produce available at Sutter market

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

     
    Sip wines at St. James’ annual tasting

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

     
    Donations to be distributed during homeless count

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A4

    Speaker will share computer security tips

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Logos Books celebrates 5 years, offers language groups

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Australian olive oil company opens U.S. headquarters in Woodland

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Explore at the YOLO Outdoor Expo

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Pedal around Davis on weekly bike ride

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Yolo animal shelter seeking rawhide donations

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A5

     
    Woodland Healthcare employees take Great Kindness Challenge

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

    At the Pond: Nest boxes give birds new homes

    By Jean Jackman | From Page: A6 | Gallery

     
    California ranks worst in nation for guidance counselors

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

    Davis, Woodland are saving water

    By Elizabeth Case | From Page: A12

     
    Music and Words Festival events

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A12

    .

    Forum

    Caring for the aging mouth

    By Samer Alassaad | From Page: A8

     
    Family isn’t keen on relationship

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: A8

     
    We have the right to choose

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

     
    We don’t have to suffer

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

    City helped immensely

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

     
    Rick McKee cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A10

    Big utilities’ nightmare begins to play out

    By Tom Elias | From Page: A10

     
    Mayor’s Corner: Let’s renew Davis together

    By Dan Wolk | From Page: A10

    From innovation parks to innovative buildings and planning

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A11

     
    When measles spreads from Disneyland, it’s a small world after all

    By New York Times News Service | From Page: A11

    .

    Sports

    Loud crowd sees DHS boys win

    By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Lady Devils hold off Pacers, stay perfect in league

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    Wildcats’ inaugural kids development league exceeds expectations

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Aggies get top 2015 gymnastics score, but fall short

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    UCD men take two tennis matches

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B8

     
    Watney in ninth at Humana Challenge

    By Staff and wire reports | From Page: B8

    .

    Features

    .

    Arts

    .

    Business

    Davis man focusing on cannabidiol business

    By Will Bellamy | From Page: A9

     
    Marrone Bio’s Regalia approved for new uses in Canada

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9

     
    UCD grad makes insurance ‘hot 100′ list

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

    Yolo County real estate sales

    By Zoe Juanitas | From Page: A9

     
    .

    Obituaries

    Thomas George Byrne

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Sunday, January 25, 2015

    By Creator | From Page: B8