Wednesday, October 1, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

He’s made himself pretty clear

AnniesMailbox

By
From page A17 | February 17, 2013 |

Dear Annie: I have been in love with “Cliff” for four years. We bought a home together two years ago, but soon after, he became unemployed, angry and spiteful. I tried to tough it out, believing it would eventually get better, but when Cliff became verbally abusive, I took my two kids and left. I asked him if he wanted me to stay, and he said no, he didn’t think things would improve.

We kept trying to fix the relationship, or at least I did. But Cliff was dating other women and lied to me about it, and the whole thing has become a hurtful mess. I still love Cliff, but don’t know whether I can trust him anymore. My guilt over leaving him and his son to deal with the foreclosure on the house we bought together kills me. He won’t express any anger, even though I can see his resentment. He also won’t address the lies. Is this a lost cause? Am I hoping for too much?

— Love Struck in California

Dear California: You could make excuses for Cliff’s terrible behavior by believing his job loss depressed him and he couldn’t cope. But that only underscores a certain level of immaturity and irresponsibility. When the going gets tough, Cliff lies and cheats. Life is filled with tough times, and your partner should be someone you can count on. Cliff doesn’t seem terribly interested in working on your relationship. At some point, you have to make the decisions that are best for you and your children. Professional counseling can help you work through this and move forward.

————

Dear Annie: I recently lost my spouse and now attend a grief support group that has been very helpful. However, there are a couple of members of this group who monopolize the conversation for at least half of the time allotted for the total meeting, and worse, they repeat the same thing over and over again. We also have a new member who attends to support a friend whose husband died, but now we know all about her abusive childhood.

Grief groups work well by sharing pain caused by the loss of a loved one. Members support one another. This is not possible unless there is an open and caring interchange between members. Perhaps those members who are causing problems will see this.

— Southern Griever

Dear Southern: Most grief support groups include a moderator of some type, usually a trained counselor. Although a certain amount of off-topic discussion can be appropriate and healing, no one should monopolize the sessions so often that it prevents others from expressing themselves. If you feel that your support group is not fulfilling its purpose, please speak to the moderator. Another option, of course, is to find a different group.

————

Dear Annie: I’d like to say something to “Don’t Want To Pick Through the Weeds,” whose mother-in-law is a packrat. Leave your mother-in-law alone!

I’m 81 years young, and I have collected many things over the years. These items may not mean anything to anyone else, but to me they are sacred. That unfinished birdhouse will be finished when I have the time. That cracked pot was given to me on my wedding day. That old newspaper you can’t read any longer was a copy of the L.A. Mirror on the day World War II started.

And as for those drawers no one has seen the contents of in years, maybe it’s because I don’t want anyone to see what is in those drawers.

As long as my house is clean (and it is cleaned once a week by a professional service) and I am healthy, leave my stuff alone. It won’t be long before you can do whatever you want with all of my things. Don’t be surprised by what you find, and be sure you have it appraised before you toss it out.

— Quartz Hill

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

.

News

Undocumented Student Center offers help to immigrants

By Julia Ann Easley | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Rairdan supports more inquiry-based learning

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Mondavi Center hosts all-star lineup of classical, jazz, dance and more

By Enterprise staff | From Page: C3 | Gallery

Willett students sensitized to those who are different

By Maria Clayton | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
Friends of the Library host biggest book sale of the year

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Give blood and get a free movie ticket

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Pedal around Davis on weekly bike ride

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

‘Edible City’ discussion planned

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
TSA bomb training may be noisy

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Katehi will address Rotarians on Monday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
 
‘ADHD — Myth or Reality’ addressed at UCD talk

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
AIM testing dates set this fall, winter

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A4

 
Tour Honey Bee Haven on Friday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Woodland City Cemetery tours planned

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
UCD athletics have break-from-work entertainment for everyone

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: C5 | Gallery

Wetlands visitors may see ducks arriving

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A10 | Gallery

 
Boy Scouts host family event in park

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A10

How did the Aggies get their name?

By Enterprise staff | From Page: C12

 
.

Forum

Hey, it’s free childcare …

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

 
Will you open your heart, and your home?

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

 
The right vote for education

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

Just what Davis schools need

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
Tom Meyer cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

Nolan’s a calm voice of reason

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
.

Sports

DHS girls tennis team tames Lions

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Devil girls play dynamite pool defense

By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Davis volleyballers finish strong at Franklin

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

 
Hard-working Blue Devil boys get a water polo win

By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1 | Gallery

A’s fall as AL wild-card game lives up to its name

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
AYSO roundup: Beans, Capay can’t shake each other in U19 play

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

Legacy roundup: Milliennium takes Manteca tournament

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

 
Alliance roundup: Los Azules, Italia win tourneys

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3 | Gallery

Sports briefs: Real Salt Lake has too much for Republic

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B8

 
.

Features

From the ground up: Rediscovering classic cheesecake

By Ann Evans | From Page: A10 | Gallery

 
.

Business

.

Obituaries

Leonard D. Blackford

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
Anne Elizabeth Elbrecht

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

.

Comics

Comics: Wednesday, October 1, 2014

By Creator | From Page: A8