Dear Annie: I am a 34-year-old wife and mother of four. My husband is 44 and drinks on a daily basis. I don’t mind a few cans of beer when he gets home. However, he drinks at least a six-pack, usually more, every day after work. I’m tired of arguing with him about his drinking. He always responds, “At least I drink at home and not at the bar.”

My husband also refuses to get an annual physical exam. He never sees a doctor or a dentist, even if he is sick. I’m really worried about his health. I want him to live long enough for our children to reach adulthood.

I have asked my husband whether he will let me take him for a physical. If the doctor says he is healthy, my heart will be at peace. I think he is being selfish, only thinking of himself. He talks so much of pride. But he doesn’t consider what would happen to his family if anything were to happen to him. My youngest child is only 4. How do I get him to cut back on his drinking and see a doctor?

— Worried Wife

Dear Worried: We don’t think your husband is being intentionally selfish. We think he is afraid. People who avoid doctors and dentists often do so because they fear what the doctor will find. Those with a drinking problem may be concerned that the doctor will discover damage from the drinking, but they are unwilling to stop. If your husband’s drinking has increased, he may also be depressed and self-medicating.

You can try talking to him about these possibilities. Unfortunately, he may not be willing to admit any of this or change his behavior, in which case, the best you can do is protect yourself. Make sure he has a valid will and his affairs are in order. And contact Al-Anon (al-anon.alateen.org) for support.

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Dear Annie: Two years ago, my husband and I bought a condo so we could spend our winters in a warm climate. We have family members who are now inviting themselves to “visit,” which means they are vacationing while we do all the work. We enjoy these relatives, but for a shorter time period. And having their own accommodations would be ideal.

How would you suggest we handle this? We don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but we are not very excited about these yearly winter visitors, and I feel used.

— N. in Arizona

Dear N.: Unless you tell these people they cannot stay with you, they will continue to impose. Simply say, “It would be wonderful to see you. Unfortunately, we aren’t up to hosting guests. Here are the names of local hotels. Let us know when you get settled.” If anyone ends up at your condo, don’t be reluctant to ask them to pitch in with the groceries, cooking and cleaning. You did not, after all, invite them. Perhaps they will decide it isn’t quite so appealing as a “vacation” spot. At the very least, you won’t be doing all of the work.

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Dear Annie: I read the response from “Fran,” who took exception to your response to “Perplexed,” saying that kids shouldn’t have to call their parents every day, even if it only takes five minutes.

I am a 61-year-old male. My grandmother used to live a block away. When I was a child, my mother would go see her every evening even if it was only for five minutes. One evening, I asked my mother why she went every single evening to see Grandma. She simply looked at me and said, “Because tomorrow I may never get to talk to her again.” I understood exactly what she meant. P.S.: Grandma passed away five years later.

— Loving Dad in Pennsylvania

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Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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