Sunday, April 20, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

His way of controlling relationship

AnniesMailbox

Dear Annie: My husband criticizes me all the time. He also says the nastiest, most hurtful things when we argue. I have been called a slut and a troublemaker and threatened about almost everything. I don’t believe he feels bad about the way he treats me, and even when I tell him how painful it is, he continues to do it.

We all have made mistakes in our past, but he paints himself as the most innocent and pure person alive. Because of all of this, I find it hard to be intimate with him.

My husband tells me he says these things because I am provoking him. Counseling is out of the question, as he would never admit there is a problem with the way he treats me. Would someone behave like this if he doesn’t mean it?

— N.N.

Dear N.N.: Your husband is a classic verbal abuser. Constant criticism and calling you names is a way to control and manipulate you. He also threatens you so you will be afraid of angering him. He refuses to discuss his behavior because he doesn’t want to take responsibility for it. You have told him his words are hurtful, but it makes no difference.

His abuse is not your fault, but it is important that you make it clear it is unacceptable. Otherwise, he will continue to belittle you, and in some cases, the behavior can escalate to physical abuse. Please lean on your family and friends for support, letting them know what is going on. We also strongly urge you to get counseling on your own in order to decide whether you can set boundaries that he will follow, or whether you must leave for your own safety and sanity.

————

Dear Annie: I am a 25-year-old woman with very short, spiky hair. I wear girly clothes, yet time and time again, people think I am gay. It drives me absolutely crazy. I have seen my hairstyle on other women, and it would never occur to me to think they are gay.

I admire guys when they walk by like any other woman my age. I like my hair short because it takes me three minutes to style, which means I can sleep longer. My hair is also rather thin, so a longer style looks straggly.

The length of my hair has nothing to do with my sexual orientation. I hope people will see this and think twice.

— Short, Sassy and Straight

Dear Short: With so many female celebrities wearing short, spiky hairstyles these days, we are amazed that anyone would make such assumptions. Ask a few friends why your appearance gives others this impression. Or, if it bothers you, consider different makeup to feminize your face, although you do not need to justify your look to anyone. If you like it, that’s all that matters.

————

Dear Annie: Please tell “Frustrated Viewer in Canada” and other readers that almost all newer flat-screen televisions can be set to meet their audio needs.

My family recently was surprised to discover that TV stations were already broadcasting programs with wonderful audio. All we needed to do was read the owner’s manual for our TV and make the necessary adjustments to the audio settings. In our case, we also were able to attach external speakers using an amplifier, which gave us even clearer and richer sound.

Not only is the dialogue easier to understand, but the hearing-impaired member of our household no longer has to wear special headphones to hear the TV. And what’s even more unbelievable, the music in the commercials sounds so good, we no longer feel an urgent need to push the “mute” button.

— Eureka

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Special to The Enterprise

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Davis Enterprise does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Hub of activity: DHS newspaper keeps evolving

    By Zoe Juanitas | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    A springtime ritual

    By Wayne Tilcock | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Tom Adams seeks Davis school board seat

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1

     
     
    Holy fire ceremony draws thousands in Jerusalem

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2 | Gallery

    Tour renovated YCCC facility Thursday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Tour Davis Waldorf School on Wednesday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    The fifth annual Tour de Cluck is soon to be hatched

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
    Ortiz lawn signs available

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Sign up soon for spring cooking classes

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Robb Davis team to rally on Saturday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Steadfast in their support

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A4, 11 Comments | Gallery

     
    Yolo Hospice offers free grief workshops

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Sign up for Camp Kesem caterpillar crawl

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Quilters gear up for annual show

    By Sebastian Onate | From Page: A4

    League hosts a series of candidate forums

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

     
    KDVS launches fund drive on Monday

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A5

    Calling all Scrabble fans

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5, 1 Comment | Gallery

     
    Hub webpage is seeing traffic increasing

    By Zoe Juanitas | From Page: A8

    Learn Chinese crafts at I-House

    By Sebastian Onate | From Page: A16

     
    Preschool open house set at Davis Waldorf

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A16

    Birch Lane celebrates its 50th anniversary

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A16

     
    Hotel/conference center info meeting set

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A16

    Lescroart welcomes all to book-launch party

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A16 | Gallery

     
    DEVO set to serve up 14th annual Winkler Dinner

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A16 | Gallery

    .

    Forum

    Take ownership of your health

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B5

     
    Not thrilled with lack of symmetry

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

    Reliving the agony and ecstasy of spring

    By Marion Franck | From Page: A7

     
    Keep your baby safe

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

     
    Road diet? No, city diet!

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A12, 5 Comments

    We’re reveling in our equality

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A12, 1 Comment

     
    Vote no; it’s fiscally responsible

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A12, 3 Comments

    Rick McKee cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A12

     
    Core values on campus

    By Our View | From Page: A12, 3 Comments

     
    Bill is an affront to UC Davis ag biotech and local farmers

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A13, 3 Comments

    Don’t want to sit in Fix 50 traffic? Consider alternatives

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A13, 1 Comment

     
    .

    Sports

    UCD softball shut out by Santa Barbara

    By Thomas Oide | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Aggie men shoot 9-under, lead own tourney

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Stars shine in Woody Wilson Classic

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1, 1 Comment | Gallery

     
    Devils burn up the track

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    UCD roundup: Aggie baseball swept away by Highlanders

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

    A’s score 3 in ninth, rally past Astros 4-3

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B6

     
    .

    Features

    .

    Arts

    .

    Business

    PG&E pays taxes, fees to county, cities

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9, 1 Comment

     
    Will Davis get an Old Soul?

    By Wendy Weitzel | From Page: A9

    Pediatricians, nurse practitioner hired at Woodland Healthcare

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9 | Gallery

     
    Asian stocks mostly higher after mixed U.S. earnings

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A9

    Yolo Federal Credit Union gets WISH funds

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

     
    Davis Roots will showcase its graduating startups

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A14

    University Honda wins another President’s Award

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A14 | Gallery

     
    Dutch Bros. raises $19,000 for girl with leukemia

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A14 | Gallery

    .

    Obituaries

    .

    Comics

    Comics: Sunday, April 20, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B8