Friday, September 19, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

How did things get so bad?

AnniesMailbox

By
From page A10 | November 18, 2012 |

Dear Annie: Not too long ago, my life was perfect: great marriage, good kids, well established in our community and a fantastic sex life. Three years ago, at the age of 49, my husband retired after a 30-year career in law enforcement. He retired with no plans, hobbies, friends or passions. Now our life is hell.

Four months before his retirement, my husband became stressed, and his entire personality changed. He has periods of obnoxious highs, but most days are violent lows. He sleeps 12 hours a day, has gained more than 50 pounds and complains constantly of health issues (although numerous doctor visits show nothing). He slams doors, throws things, is verbally abusive and makes threats of physical violence.

Everything he says is negative, and he spends a great deal of time making his family feel horrible and unworthy. He is paranoid and controlling. I quit my job in my mid-20s to be an at-home mom. He threatens to cut me off financially and reminds me that it’s his car, his home, his money.

Prior to his retirement, we were happy, talked about everything and couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. Now, we never talk, and sex happens twice a year. Everyone in the family has suggested he get help, but he says it’s all our fault. People avoid us, we have no friends, and our kids steer clear. It breaks my heart.

I love my husband deeply, but cannot stand the monster he’s become. How do I get this man help when he clearly does not want it? It’s taking a terrible toll.

— Want My Husband Back

Dear Want: Your husband may be bipolar, his retirement may have triggered severe depression, or his anxiety may have pushed him over the edge. But he needs professional assistance. His behavior sounds increasingly abusive, which could be dangerous to those around him. Since he seems willing to see a physician, please notify the doctor in advance of your husband’s behavioral issues.

Also contact NAMI (nami.org) and the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (dbsalliance.org). And we strongly recommend the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org).

————

Dear Annie: My best friend doesn’t have a car. I give her rides to work, to the supermarket and out to eat. She knows my schedule, and sometimes I have to lie to her because all this chauffeuring becomes too much for me. When I’m not able to give her a ride, she calls me a liar and won’t speak to me for days.

I’ve known her for 10 years. I love her and don’t want to lose her friendship. What can I do?

— Male Best Friend in N.J.

Dear N.J.: This “friend” is taking advantage of you. If you’ve had enough, tell her, “I can’t afford to keep giving you rides unless you chip in for gas.” Or, if driving her is simply inconvenient, you can tell her that (but nicely). It might help if you both try to remember that you are doing her a favor, and not the other way around. Her anger is manipulative, and you should not respond to that sort of blackmail.

————

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Mom of Nos. 2 through 4,” who wrote that her mother-in-law favors her oldest granddaughter.

My oldest sister, “Tara,” was everything to my grandmother. My younger sister and I were just “there.” It got worse as we got older, and we began resenting our grandmother. She could have had a very rich, loving life if she had treated us all alike. Instead, she never had the opportunity to know us and died a lonely woman. None of her grandchildren came to visit, and she often wondered why.

I guess what goes around really does come around. The mother-in-law will be the one who loses out.

— Made It Through and Doing Fine

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

.

News

Grant means new push for moving tracks out of town

By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Some say council needs to reconsider MRAP

By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1

UC to create $250 million venture capital fund

By San Francisco Chronicle | From Page: A1

 
School district may redevelop downtown site

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1

 
Master Gardeners share their wisdom at free workshops

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

Scots vote to stay in UK

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
France strikes Islamic State group’s depot in Iraq

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

Man faces arson charge in huge California wildfire

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
DUI suspected in crash

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

Woodland Healthcare offering flu shots

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Putah Creek Bike Path to close temporarily

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Little Free Libraries open at Montgomery

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A3

Project Linus seeks donations

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Rabid bat found at Holmes Junior High

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Students invited to apply for Blue & White grants

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Halloween costume sale benefits preschool

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Telling tales, on ‘Davisville’

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Volunteers sought to make veggie bags

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Storyteller will draw on music, dance

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Free workout class set at library

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
Explorit: Lots of ways to be a volunteer

By Lisa Justice | From Page: A4 | Gallery

Sierra Club remembers longtime walker

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
DHS Classes of 1954 and 1955 will hold 60th reunion

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Nonprofits can get DCN’s help

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Register to vote by Oct. 20

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Davis maps available at Chamber office

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Need a new best friend?

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5 | Gallery

Reception benefits endangered gorillas

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

 
Downtown history tour planned in October

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

Davis hosts its own climate change rally

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

 
Sutter Farmers Market offers local goods

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A8 | Gallery

Wolk applauds approval of stronger rules for olive oil

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

 
Qigong classes available for heart health

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

.

Forum

Sick of being the bad guy

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

 
Tom Meyer cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

Return to previous plan

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
Save the ‘pine cone place’

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

Affirm our community values

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
Project has safety risks

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

Learn more about Paso Fino

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
Educate homeless with dogs

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

Cheers and Jeers: Not the end of the rainbow

By Our View | From Page: A6

 
.

Sports

Aggies’ new energy could be scary for Big West

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1

 
No rest for the weary: Aggie TE Martindale busy on and off the field

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Devils hope the light bulb turns on at Edison

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

 
River Cats and Giants sign two-year deal

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

Blue Devil volleyballers hold off Herd

By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Take Zona and Bama this week

By Bob Dunning | From Page: B2

Mustangs are no match for DHS boys in water polo

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

 
A’s slide continues as Rangers sweep

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

.

Features

Name Droppers: Awards keep coming for UC Davis retiree

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

 
.

Business

Redesigned 2015 Escalade remains breed all its own

By Ann M. Job | From Page: B3 | Gallery

 
.

Obituaries

Carol L. Walsh

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

Comics: Friday, September 19, 2014

By Creator | From Page: A10

 
.

Real Estate Review

Featured Listing

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER1

Professional Services Directory

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER2

Taylor Morrison

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER3

Malek Baroody

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER4

Norcal Land

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER5

Robin Garland

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER6

Karen Waggoner

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER7

Dana Hawkins

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER7

Martha Bernauer

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER8

Joe Kaplan

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER8

Lynne Wegner

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER8

Remax

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER9

Melrina A Maggiora

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER10

Wells Fargo Home Mortgage

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER11

Julie Leonard

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER11

Coldwell Banker

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER12

Kim Eichorn

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER14

Lyon Real Estate

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER15

Marcelo Campos

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER16

Julie Partain

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER16

Jamie Madison & Associates

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER16

Kim Merrel Lamb

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER17

Bob Bockwinkel

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER17

Juan Ramirez

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER17

Chris Snow

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER18

James Hanna

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER18

Raul Zamora

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER19

Susan von Geldern

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER19

Travis Credit Union

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER20

Jamie Madison

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER21

Karen Waggoner

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER21

Tracy Harris

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER22

Lisa Haass

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER22

First Street Real Estate

By Zack Snow | From Page: RER24