Thursday, July 24, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

How do you stop this ride?

AnniesMailbox

By
From page A7 | October 20, 2013 |

Dear Annie: After more than 13 years of marriage to an intelligent and lovely woman, our relationship continues to be a rollercoaster ride. We are in our 60s. I was married once before. She has had three prior marriages and divorces. We each have adult children.

It seems she has underlying hostility toward me and anyone else whose choices do not meet with her approval. She complains of not having a life and being only a housekeeper, even though she keeps all of her own income and I pay all of our bills, providing her with an allowance. We also travel well. She complains that I’m not home enough, but we spend two hours together over morning coffee, and I return home from work by 6 p.m. Then I end up eating dinner alone while she retreats to another part of the house to play puzzles or talk with her girlfriends. I stay home every weekend so we can be together, but she shows no affection to me at all.

I see her as controlling and deeply depressed, at least around me. We tried a few sessions with a counselor, but she refused to go back. She’s convinced she doesn’t need help and that I am responsible for our disconnect. Any thoughts about how I can help us?

— Need Direction

Dear Need: When someone describes a relationship as a “rollercoaster ride,” it tends to mean extreme ups and downs. If this is the case, your assessment that your wife is depressed could be accurate, but she also could be bipolar. Unfortunately, if she refuses to consider that she might need medical or psychiatric assistance, little will change. Please encourage her to see her doctor, but also contact the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (dbsalliance.org).

————

Dear Annie: Last weekend my granddaughter and her beau came for a visit. He is a young professional. I noticed that he did not open the car door for her, nor did he pull out a chair for her in the dining room. I asked my son about this behavior, and he said since women want to be on an equal basis with men, such courtesy no longer prevails. Am I missing something?

— Old School

Dear Old School: Some women do not want men to open doors or pull out chairs for them, and many men are reluctant to do these things for fear they will be castigated as anti-feminist. We believe it is a kindness to open a door for anyone, male or female, and to pull out a chair for someone who appreciates it. But this type of courtesy is between your granddaughter and her beau. Please don’t criticize their choices.

————

Dear Annie: I sympathize with “Loving Daughter,” whose aunts and uncles offered no support to her mother during her illness. My husband was extremely ill for the last three years of his life. His siblings neither called nor sent cards. They lived out of state, so I didn’t expect them to travel, but they were in a position to do so. I sent regular emails informing them of his treatments and his deteriorating health, and encouraging them to call him. It didn’t happen. Their infrequent emails said they were “too upset” to talk about it. He would call, and they would only talk about how successful they were. Not once did he hear, “How are you?” My siblings called, emailed, sent cute cards and offered to help in any way. But his own family wasn’t there for him. I was angry for the heartache it caused my husband, wondering why they disappeared when he needed them.

After his death, they all sent cards of sympathy. I have since forgiven them and hope someday they understand the pain they caused. But they will have to ask God for forgiveness then, because it is too late to make it up to their dear brother.

— Gone but Always in my Heart

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Special to The Enterprise

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Davis Enterprise does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Teens lead the way in fight against cancer

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
     
    USDA predicts record almond haul in California

    By Elizabeth Case | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Consumption guidelines for Cache Creek fish updated

    By Elizabeth Case | From Page: A3

    Diplomas all around for professor and sons

    By Dave Jones | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
    Museum sells market bags as fundraiser

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    City of Davis recruits for its advisory commissions

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Local singer/songwriter will perform Friday on KDRT

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4 | Gallery

    Davis Flea hosts night market Sunday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Free technology help offered to seniors

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Contestants sought for Yolo County Fair Queen contest

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Parents can learn all about IEPs

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Zip Book: Request it, read it, return it

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A8

     
    .

    Forum

    Don’t tell me I can’t help him

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    Water trains through Davis

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Water storage must be a priority

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    The real problem isn’t conflict, it’s violent conflict management

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

     
    Act now to support middle school students

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

    .

    Sports

    UCD coach has navigated a Maze of experiences

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Lethargic and roster thin, Post 77 loses Area 1 opener

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1

    Pence outscores Phillies

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Quincy Amarikwa: years in the making

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Area sports briefs: Nelson earns All-Academic honors

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3

     
    Youth roundup: Aftershock finishes second in tournament

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3

    Majka makes winning look easy

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B10 | Gallery

     
    .

    Features

    Name Droppers: Transportation fellowship goes to Aggie

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A8

     
    .

    Arts

    ‘South Pacific’ storyline still making waves

    By Bev Sykes | From Page: A7 | Gallery

     
    ‘The Miracle Worker’ auditions set for WOH

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    .

    Comics

    Comics: Thursday, July 24, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B8