Sunday, March 1, 2015
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

How do you stop this ride?

AnniesMailbox

By
From page A7 | October 20, 2013 |

Dear Annie: After more than 13 years of marriage to an intelligent and lovely woman, our relationship continues to be a rollercoaster ride. We are in our 60s. I was married once before. She has had three prior marriages and divorces. We each have adult children.

It seems she has underlying hostility toward me and anyone else whose choices do not meet with her approval. She complains of not having a life and being only a housekeeper, even though she keeps all of her own income and I pay all of our bills, providing her with an allowance. We also travel well. She complains that I’m not home enough, but we spend two hours together over morning coffee, and I return home from work by 6 p.m. Then I end up eating dinner alone while she retreats to another part of the house to play puzzles or talk with her girlfriends. I stay home every weekend so we can be together, but she shows no affection to me at all.

I see her as controlling and deeply depressed, at least around me. We tried a few sessions with a counselor, but she refused to go back. She’s convinced she doesn’t need help and that I am responsible for our disconnect. Any thoughts about how I can help us?

— Need Direction

Dear Need: When someone describes a relationship as a “rollercoaster ride,” it tends to mean extreme ups and downs. If this is the case, your assessment that your wife is depressed could be accurate, but she also could be bipolar. Unfortunately, if she refuses to consider that she might need medical or psychiatric assistance, little will change. Please encourage her to see her doctor, but also contact the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (dbsalliance.org).

————

Dear Annie: Last weekend my granddaughter and her beau came for a visit. He is a young professional. I noticed that he did not open the car door for her, nor did he pull out a chair for her in the dining room. I asked my son about this behavior, and he said since women want to be on an equal basis with men, such courtesy no longer prevails. Am I missing something?

— Old School

Dear Old School: Some women do not want men to open doors or pull out chairs for them, and many men are reluctant to do these things for fear they will be castigated as anti-feminist. We believe it is a kindness to open a door for anyone, male or female, and to pull out a chair for someone who appreciates it. But this type of courtesy is between your granddaughter and her beau. Please don’t criticize their choices.

————

Dear Annie: I sympathize with “Loving Daughter,” whose aunts and uncles offered no support to her mother during her illness. My husband was extremely ill for the last three years of his life. His siblings neither called nor sent cards. They lived out of state, so I didn’t expect them to travel, but they were in a position to do so. I sent regular emails informing them of his treatments and his deteriorating health, and encouraging them to call him. It didn’t happen. Their infrequent emails said they were “too upset” to talk about it. He would call, and they would only talk about how successful they were. Not once did he hear, “How are you?” My siblings called, emailed, sent cute cards and offered to help in any way. But his own family wasn’t there for him. I was angry for the heartache it caused my husband, wondering why they disappeared when he needed them.

After his death, they all sent cards of sympathy. I have since forgiven them and hope someday they understand the pain they caused. But they will have to ask God for forgiveness then, because it is too late to make it up to their dear brother.

— Gone but Always in my Heart

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

.

News

Learn about pollinators, gardens and honey at Yolo Basin fundraiser

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
 
New greenhouse will add to ‘Farm to Mouth’ program

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Can you give them a home?

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2 | Gallery

 
For the record

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

Fire damages South Davis home

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2 | Gallery

 
Gerber nominations close Saturday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Explorit: Humming right along

By Lisa Justice | From Page: A3

Flower arrangers feature S.F. designer

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Celebrate Africa on Saturday at I-House

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Chamber explores how to pay for Davis’ needs

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Wolk and Dodd team up to provide Napa earthquake tax relief

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

Robb Davis to speak about homelessness, energy

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Spring sing-along is March 4

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

A fill-up mishap

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

 
Two free yoga classes offered March 12

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Take a night walk at Cache Creek

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Class of 1970 plans 45-year reunion

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Bicycle safety course to be offered in Davis

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Documentary on immigration issues will be screened

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

 
Learn about your brain on March 14

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Adopt a household for Bridge to Housing participants

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

 
Workshop will teach sustainable gardening methods

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

 
.

Forum

Tired of all of this

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

 
Tom Meyer cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: B6

No extra cost for containers

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B6

 
Oral Health Project launches

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B6

Here an H, there an H

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B6

 
Cavalier attitude about bike safety

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: B6

Start early to build healthy dental habits

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B6

 
.

Sports

Blue Devil boys expect a spike in production

By Thomas Oide | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Inquiring minds want to know about Aggies

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1

Encouraging start for DHS boys tennis team

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Off day for Aggie men at UCSB

By Kim Orendor | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Aggie women fall to 4th after lackluster showing

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Lady Devils are on to the SJS semis

By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Late goal lifts Red Wings over Sharks

By The Associated Press | From Page: B4 | Gallery

Watney struggling at windy Honda Classic

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B12

 
.

Features

.

Arts

YoloArts’ Gallery 625 presents ‘The Poetry of Dots’

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10 | Gallery

 
International Film Series to present ‘Jaffa’

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

Monticello announces March schedule

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

 
The Artery presents ‘Stepping Into Nature’

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A10 | Gallery

‘Focus': A sharply conceived caper

By Derrick Bang | From Page: A11 | Gallery

 
The Woodland Opera House announces 2015-16 season

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A12 | Gallery

.

Business

Nissan’s Z remains an affordable performer

By Ann M. Job | From Page: B3

 
Car Care: Simple DIY steps to protect your car through all seasons

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

 
.

Obituaries

Vernon E. Burton

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
Dieter W. Gruenwedel

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

George Miller Jr.

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
Death notice: Celia E. Recchio

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

.

Comics

Comics: Friday, February 27, 2015

By Creator | From Page: B5