Thursday, December 18, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

How much negativity is too much?

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | May 06, 2014 |

Dear Annie: What do you do with an old and dear friend who now says something negative at every opportunity? “Lorene” and I live in different states, but used to be in touch daily by phone and on Facebook and have spent time together fairly often when she visits her family here.

For years, we were as close as sisters. Then, last year, as Lorene prepared for a reunion with her high school class, she began to change toward me. She hurt my feelings a number of times with subtle snipes and negative comments and, eventually, with a snub that was so insulting, we had a falling out. We didn’t speak for some time, but I missed my friend and reconnected with her on Facebook. She welcomed my friend request, but ever since, the snipes and negative comments have been ongoing.

If I post a photo from a lovely vacation somewhere, Lorene makes a negative comment about the place, the weather, the cost or that I was alone there. If I post about some activity I’m planning, she’s full of warnings and cautions. If I post an old family photo, she turns my happy memory into a feeling of loss, commenting about how sad it is that others in the photo died before me. When I tried to discuss her attitude, she became defensive and seemed to misunderstand me, so I dropped it.

This is someone who used to call me every day to chat. We have many mutual friends, so it’s impossible to avoid her. I miss my friend and don’t understand where she went. Should I unfriend her on Facebook? Should I just “take it” in silence? What would you do?

— Mourning a Lost Friendship

Dear Mourning: Might Lorene be having health issues that affect her personality? Suggest she talk to her doctor because you’re worried about her. Is she only negative about you? It could be jealousy or some long-forgotten argument. And it is not uncommon for some people, as they age, to develop a habit of complaining. Lorene may have no idea how she comes across.

It is unlikely that she will ever be the woman you once knew. Can you accept her as she is, ignoring the negativity and focusing only on the good things? Would you rather limit contact, using Facebook to keep track of her, but without phone calls and visits? You don’t need to cut her off completely, but decide what her friendship is worth to you and respond accordingly.

————

Dear Annie: In my community, there are a lot of “open house” parties, especially around the holidays. I was under the impression that we are invited to come and celebrate, have a glass of wine or whatever. But many of the people attending brought gifts for the hosts. I didn’t. Was this the proper thing to do? I believe your advice will help our retirement community.

— No Present Guest

Dear No: Large, informal open-house parties where you drop by for a drink and leave do not necessitate a gift, but do write and thank your hosts afterward. Some people bring gifts anyway, and if this is the custom in your community (or if you would feel uncomfortable coming empty-handed), it’s perfectly OK to bring wine, candy or something small and holiday appropriate.

————

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Is There Hope for Me?” who said her husband shows no affection toward her after 27 years of marriage. Everything was the way he wanted it.

Her marriage sounds similar to mine. After 43 years, we are now in the process of divorcing. I have had more than enough of having it his way. I am a clergywoman and regret that I was not strong enough to make this move years ago. Yes, there’s hope. Do something. It’s your life.

— C.

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Creators Syndicate

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Former foster youths aided by UCD’s Guardian programs

    By Sarah Colwell | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Rain Recyclers saves water for another day

    By Elizabeth Case | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    City plans signs to improve flow on Fifth Street

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    U.S., Cuba patch torn relations in historic accord

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Supplies collected for victims of abuse

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    New technology chief will join McNaughton Newspapers

    By Tanya Perez | From Page: A3 | Gallery

    Feds will discuss Berryessa Snow Mountain protection

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    ‘Longest Night’ service Saturday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Nominate teens for Golden Heart awards

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Journalist will join post-film discussion Thursday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    City offices will take a winter break

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Konditorei presents free holiday concert

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Yolo County needs a few good advisers

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Per Capita Davis: Time to stop fooling around

    By John Mott-Smith | From Page: A4

     
    NAMI-Yolo offers free mental health education program

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

    .

    Forum

    Disagreement on mother’s care

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    Marovich is a brilliant diplomat

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

    And a jolly time was had by all

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6 | Gallery

     
    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

    Remember that all lives matter

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    Pollution from electric vehicles

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    .

    Sports

    On skiing: What to know when buying new skis

    By Jeffrey Weidel | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Devil boys host Les Curry beginning Thursday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    UCD women gear up for second half of swim season

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Aggie men begin 4-game road trip at Air Force

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Youth roundup: DBC Juniors rider Kanz wins a cyclocross event

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

     
    .

    Features

    College Corner: How does applying for financial aid work?

    By Jennifer Borenstein | From Page: B3

     
    What’s happening

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: B3

     
    Anniversary: Barbara and Jan Carter

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

    Something growing in the mailbox

    By Don Shor | From Page: A8 | Gallery

     
    .

    Arts

    Sing and dance along to Cold Shot at Froggy’s

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7 | Gallery

     
    Point of Brew: Recollections of Christmases past

    By Michael Lewis | From Page: A7

    Golden Bough brings Irish holidays to The Palms

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7 | Gallery

     
    Come ‘Home for the Holidays’ and benefit school arts

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    Rena Sylvia Smilkstein

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Thursday, December 18, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B6

     
    .

    Last Minute Gift Guide

    Young phenoms make YouTube success look like child’s play

    By The Associated Press | From Page: LMG1

    Classic or contemporary, it’s all holiday music to our ears

    By The Associated Press | From Page: LMG2

    Teen gifts: ideas for hard-to-buy-for big kids

    By The Associated Press | From Page: LMG3

    Gift ideas for the health-conscious

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: LMG6

    Hall of Fame proudly puts these toys on the shelf

    By The Associated Press | From Page: LMG7