Friday, August 29, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Husband’s eyes keep wandering

AnniesMailbox

By
From page C4 | September 2, 2011 |

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 21 years, and we have five wonderful children. “Tom” is 50, and I am 39.

In the past few years, Tom has developed an annoying habit. He openly ogles attractive women and young teenage girls. I can understand one glance, but he stares. After we walk past, he’ll look over his shoulder to get the rear view.

Later in the day, he will sometimes remark that I should wear this or that revealing outfit, tone my muscles more, dye my hair a specific color or lose weight. Mind you, I am a size 4. Tom says he finds skinny women with large breasts and tattoos a turn-on. I don’t look like that.

I have told Tom that his newfound habit is hurtful and disrespectful to me. It makes me feel that I’m not pretty enough and gives the impression that these women could easily steal him away. It embarrasses me so much that I don’t want to go anywhere with him. We no longer take evening walks, and forget about restaurants.

When I tell this to Tom, he becomes angry and often yells at me. He insists he’s doing nothing wrong and has no intention of stopping. He says I’m the one with the problem, and that I’m jealous and spoiled.

Is he right? Do I need to change? Is this the proverbial male midlife crisis? Why doesn’t he care how much it upsets me? He could at least not do it when I’m with him, but he won’t.

— Unhappily Married to an Ogler

Dear Unhappy: Many men have these thoughts, but Tom seems to have lost the ability (or willingness) to censor his actions in public. Ask him to get a complete physical to make sure his “new habit” isn’t being exacerbated by a medical condition. If he is simply behaving like a toddler in a candy store, you must decide whether you can ignore his boorishness. Most women find this behavior pathetic and obnoxious, rather than seductive.

————

Dear Annie: Another family gathering is coming up, and my husband and I find ourselves becoming tense, as usual.

My husband has two sisters who think it’s great fun to catch mistakes people make and then ridicule them. They do it under the guise of good-natured teasing, but it comes across as mean-spirited. His other siblings are kind and considerate, but the family sticks together and would never tell these two to knock it off.

My husband is getting older and has become a little forgetful. He is a target of their ridicule, and he hates it. He pretends to be a good sport, but he has confided in me that this treatment bothers him a great deal.

Should I say something in order to make family gatherings less stressful? I hope these sisters will recognize themselves here and try to be kinder, although I know few people see themselves in the column.

— The Outlaw

Dear Outlaw: Take one of these sisters aside privately and say, “I know you care about your brother, but he’s sensitive to the fact that he’s getting older. When you make fun of him, it hurts him terribly because you are his family and he loves you. I know you don’t mean to cause him pain, so I hope you will keep this in mind.” Rest assured, some day the shoe will be on the other foot.

————

Dear Annie: I had to respond to “Modest in Iowa.” Being an OR nurse and someone who has recently had surgery, your response was right on.

More and more men are going into nursing, and I assure you, they have only a professional interest in their female patients. The male nurses I work with and those who have cared for me are wonderfully compassionate and quite sensitive to privacy concerns.

— An OR Nurse

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

.

News

Davis Innovation Center team fields questions

By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Saving Putah Creek: a quiet concert at sunset

By Elizabeth Case | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Mr. Dolcini goes to Washington

By Tanya Perez | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Winton to be feted for her many years of community work

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Researchers solve mystery of Death Valley’s moving rocks

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2 | Gallery

 
California extends review of $25B delta plan

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Assembly approves statewide ban on plastic bags

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

Forum explores local mental health services

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Solar-cooking workshop set at Food Co-op

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Celebrate the Senior Center at Sept. 9 luncheon

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Need a new best friend?

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3 | Gallery

Equestrian eventing competition slated

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Dinner, auction benefit Yolo County CASA

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Kids can sign up for a library card and get a free book

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
Explorit Science Center: Volunteers supercharge summer camp

By Lisa Justice | From Page: A4 | Gallery

Tee off for Davis’ continued prosperity

By Lily Holmes | From Page: A4

 
 
Bodega Marine Laboratory hosts open house

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5 | Gallery

Local group charts a year’s worth of beauty in flowers

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Free blood pressure screenings offered

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Name Droppers: UCD honors two of its own

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6

 
Books, conversation and poetry at Logos

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

 
.

Forum

Let’s sell the MRAP on eBay

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: C2

 
Seeing both sides of ‘tank’

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: C2

What if we need MRAP?

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: C2

 
How could tank be helpful?

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: C2

 
Tom Meyer cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: C2

Don’t sentence our police to death

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: C2, 1 Comment

 
Will Davis see river water?

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: C2

Travel buddy is getting too fat

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

 
.

Sports

Forget the score; focus on the energy brought by Aggies

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1

 
Returning seniors, new faces lead promising DHS links squad

By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Devil golfers return from Scotland with smiles on their faces

By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Devils scrimmage with Sac

By Wayne Tilcock | From Page: B1 | Gallery

UCD-Stanford: the clock is down to counting the minutes

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1

 
Sports briefs: DHS girls fall by the slimmest of net margins

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B6 | Gallery

Wire briefs: Aces cruise past Cats at Raley

By Wire and staff reports | From Page: B6

 
.

Features

.

Arts

‘The November Man’: Who can be trusted?

By Derrick Bang | From Page: A9 | Gallery

 
B Street’s ‘The Ladies Foursome’ is aces

By Bev Sykes | From Page: A9 | Gallery

.

Business

Technology makes a great car better

By Ali Arsham | From Page: C1 | Gallery

 
.

Obituaries

Margarita Elizondo

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
Elaine Dracia Greenberg

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

.

Comics