Wednesday, April 23, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Husband’s eyes keep wandering

AnniesMailbox

Dear Annie: My husband and I have been married for 21 years, and we have five wonderful children. “Tom” is 50, and I am 39.

In the past few years, Tom has developed an annoying habit. He openly ogles attractive women and young teenage girls. I can understand one glance, but he stares. After we walk past, he’ll look over his shoulder to get the rear view.

Later in the day, he will sometimes remark that I should wear this or that revealing outfit, tone my muscles more, dye my hair a specific color or lose weight. Mind you, I am a size 4. Tom says he finds skinny women with large breasts and tattoos a turn-on. I don’t look like that.

I have told Tom that his newfound habit is hurtful and disrespectful to me. It makes me feel that I’m not pretty enough and gives the impression that these women could easily steal him away. It embarrasses me so much that I don’t want to go anywhere with him. We no longer take evening walks, and forget about restaurants.

When I tell this to Tom, he becomes angry and often yells at me. He insists he’s doing nothing wrong and has no intention of stopping. He says I’m the one with the problem, and that I’m jealous and spoiled.

Is he right? Do I need to change? Is this the proverbial male midlife crisis? Why doesn’t he care how much it upsets me? He could at least not do it when I’m with him, but he won’t.

— Unhappily Married to an Ogler

Dear Unhappy: Many men have these thoughts, but Tom seems to have lost the ability (or willingness) to censor his actions in public. Ask him to get a complete physical to make sure his “new habit” isn’t being exacerbated by a medical condition. If he is simply behaving like a toddler in a candy store, you must decide whether you can ignore his boorishness. Most women find this behavior pathetic and obnoxious, rather than seductive.

————

Dear Annie: Another family gathering is coming up, and my husband and I find ourselves becoming tense, as usual.

My husband has two sisters who think it’s great fun to catch mistakes people make and then ridicule them. They do it under the guise of good-natured teasing, but it comes across as mean-spirited. His other siblings are kind and considerate, but the family sticks together and would never tell these two to knock it off.

My husband is getting older and has become a little forgetful. He is a target of their ridicule, and he hates it. He pretends to be a good sport, but he has confided in me that this treatment bothers him a great deal.

Should I say something in order to make family gatherings less stressful? I hope these sisters will recognize themselves here and try to be kinder, although I know few people see themselves in the column.

— The Outlaw

Dear Outlaw: Take one of these sisters aside privately and say, “I know you care about your brother, but he’s sensitive to the fact that he’s getting older. When you make fun of him, it hurts him terribly because you are his family and he loves you. I know you don’t mean to cause him pain, so I hope you will keep this in mind.” Rest assured, some day the shoe will be on the other foot.

————

Dear Annie: I had to respond to “Modest in Iowa.” Being an OR nurse and someone who has recently had surgery, your response was right on.

More and more men are going into nursing, and I assure you, they have only a professional interest in their female patients. The male nurses I work with and those who have cared for me are wonderfully compassionate and quite sensitive to privacy concerns.

— An OR Nurse

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Special to The Enterprise

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Davis Enterprise does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    UC Davis biodigester hungers for food scraps

    By Elizabeth Case | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
     
    Council votes to look at reducing water bills

    By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1

    New mosaic mural reflects Peña family history

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1, 1 Comment | Gallery

     
    Penalty decision looms in Winters homicide case

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

    Hay bales burn east of Davis

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

     
    Woman killed by train ID’d

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

     
    Pro-Russian insurgents hold journalist captive

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Bible fun featured at Parents’ Night Out

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Davis businesswoman presides over conference

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Birch Lane sells garden plants, veggies

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Team Blend hosts fundraiser for Nicaragua project

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A3

    Davis Arts Center: See ceramics, join the Big Day of Giving

    By Erie Vitiello | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
    Fire damages Woodland home

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A3

    Register to vote by May 19

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Sign up for enviro organizations during Earth Week

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Sunder hosts campaign event for kids

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Church hosts discussion of mental health needs, services

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    UCD to host premiere of autism documentary

    By Cory Golden | From Page: A4

    UFC hears from two local historians

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Fundraiser benefits Oakley campaign

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Fire crews gather for joint training

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Odd Fellows host culinary benefit for nonprofit

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    400 bikes go up for bids at UCD auction

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    UCD professor to talk about new book

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

    Fly Fishers talk to focus on healthy streams, rivers

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5 | Gallery

     
    Train to become a weather spotter

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

    Learn survival skills at Cache Creek Preserve

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

     
    Veterans, internees may receive overdue diplomas

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

    UC Davis conference showcases undergraduate research

    By Julia Ann Easley | From Page: A5 | Gallery

     
    Conservation District celebrates its stewardship efforts

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

    Slow Food tour showcases area’s young farmers

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A10

     
    .

    Forum

    Even a safe house needs boundaries

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B5

     
    My votes reflect city values

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6, 1 Comment

    Tom Meyer cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

     
    A plea on the Bard’s birthday

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

     
    I support Sunder for board

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    Will anyone notice?

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    .

    Sports

    Davis gets to Grant ace and rolls in DVC crucial

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Walchli is under par in another Devil victory

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    Seniors send Blue Devil girls past Broncos in a lacrosse rout

    By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    DHS thunders back to win an epic DVC volleyball match

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    DHS/Franklin I goes to the Blue Devil softballers

    By Chris Saur | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
     
    Baseball roundup: Rangers rally to beat A’s in the ninth

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

    Sharks go up 3-0 with OT win

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B8 | Gallery

     
    .

    Features

    Field to fork: El Macero’s chef offers spring tastes

    By Dan Kennedy | From Page: A8 | Gallery

     
    .

    Arts

     
    Five Three Oh! featured at April Performers’ Circle

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9 | Gallery

    Celebrate spring at I-House on Sunday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

     
    Music, wine flow at Fourth Friday

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

     
    Biscuits ‘n Honey will play at winery

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

     
    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    Catharine ‘Kay’ Lathrop

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Wednesday, April 23, 2014

    By Creator | From Page: B6