Tuesday, September 30, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

It’s hard to trust again

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | April 11, 2014 |

Dear Annie: Four years ago, I caught my husband lying and cheating in an emotional affair (he says there was never any sex). He and this same woman had been cheating for 10 years. She is married with grown children. She never told her husband what she did, so she has gotten away with it.

We went to counseling, and it seems that my husband is on the straight and narrow. I love him dearly. We’ve been married for 25 years, have three wonderful children and get along wonderfully.

The problem is, I am always worried that he is still doing things behind my back with this woman. He swears up and down that he has no contact with her. He claims he caught her lying and doesn’t even want her as a friend. But I know he has forgiven her for lying at least three times before. I honestly do not believe what he tells me, and it is affecting my peace of mind.

I have considered moving just to get out of this small community where everyone knows everybody else. I want to punch her every time I run into her. Should I tell my husband how I feel? We have spoken about the past so many times that neither of us wants to bring it up again. He knows how much he hurt me.

— Dazed and Confused

Dear Dazed: Trust is difficult to regain, and it is made more complicated when your husband lives near the Other Woman. It is important that your husband be completely transparent in all of his dealings. Can you check his phone or email whenever you worry he is slipping back into old habits? If he hides things from you, you have cause for concern. But otherwise, please try to put your concerns in perspective. And don’t feel squeamish about discussing your worries with your husband, as long as you don’t make accusations that put him on the defensive. If necessary, go back for counseling and work on this.

————

Dear Annie: My cousin’s son recently married. Aside from my cousin’s immediate family, there were only a few family members invited to the wedding. It wasn’t a small wedding. There were at least 200 guests.

The problem is the way my cousin and her husband acted toward us. My cousin seemed upset all evening. She was fairly cordial, but acted stressed. Her husband, whom we’ve known for 35 years, did not greet or acknowledge our presence. He was cold and absolutely rude. They sat at our table and had nothing to say. While the bridesmaids gave speeches, they occupied themselves with their cellphones. We felt unwelcome. The bride barely looked our way and didn’t give us a chance to congratulate her, although the groom briefly greeted us.

I want to tell my cousin how rude her husband was, but I’m not sure how to approach her. How do we handle this?

— N.J.

Dear N.J.: You are making a lot of assumptions about your cousin’s behavior. We think her stress and her husband’s coldness had nothing to do with you. More likely, their behavior was a result of wedding stress (and possibly the bride). And remember that sitting with the groom’s parents is a great honor. If they wanted to insult you, they would have seated you much farther away. Unless they do other things that are deliberately rude, please say nothing.

————

Dear Annie: I read the letter from “Boondoggled in Boise,” whose father refused to let the granddaughter see his coin collection and demanded it be sold through a third party. Why didn’t you suggest that the sons talk to the third party and buy the coins for fair market value?

Dad doesn’t need to know his kids are the buyers. He gets to sell the coins the way he wants, and the brothers get to keep them in the family.

— Know About Difficult Relatives

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Creators Syndicate

.

News

UCD’s Tercero hopes for platinum LEED certification

By Dave Jones | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Relief, gratitude follow Marsh guilty verdict

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Janet Wagner bids farewell to Sutter Davis

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Nolan says he’ll keep an open mind

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Common Core: A new way to learn

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Standing In: Facing my fears in Oregon (and barely surviving)

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A2

A welcome challenge

By Enterprise staff | From Page: C2

 
For the record

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

Cool Davis: working on local solutions to global warming

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: C2

 
More rain dampens huge California wildfire

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

Brown vetoes $100 million boost for UC, Cal State

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Learn about elections at Connections Café

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

All voices welcome at Oct. 1 sing-along

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Meet Poppenga for coffee on Sunday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Locals invited to join worldwide LDS conference

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

 
Bucks for Ducks raises funds for Yolo Basin Foundation

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3 | Gallery

A winning combination: video games + science

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Word association: What comes to mind when you hear the word Davis?

By Enterprise staff | From Page: C3 | Gallery

Public invited to free summit on aging

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Snapshot: The art of the matter

By Enterprise staff | From Page: C3

Nursery school plans rummage sale

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Yolo Hospice offers support through the grieving process

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

Three microbreweries featured at Rotary Oktoberfest

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4 | Gallery

 
Eernisse, Partida honored as Women of the Year

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4 | Gallery

 
Museum wants your old Davis High School yearbooks

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Davis Community Meals needs cooks

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Study examines why mail ballots are rejected

By Jeffrey Day | From Page: A5

Gold STARS for UCD’s West Village

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

 
Project Linus seeks donations

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Homecoming fun is no myth

By Wayne Tilcock | From Page: A5 | Gallery

 
Students invited to apply for Blue & White grants

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Volunteers sought to make veggie bags

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Where did Common Core standards come from?

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A6

Farm to Fork movement thrives locally

By Elizabeth Case | From Page: C6 | Gallery

 
Maher replaces Wagner as Sutter Davis CEO

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A7

The ‘condensed’ version

By Dave Jones | From Page: A8

 
Snapshot: Recycling made easy

By Enterprise staff | From Page: C9

 
Mike Nolan, at a glance

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A9

Snapshot: Science is fun at Explorit

By Enterprise staff | From Page: C11

 
Davis residents benefit from active service organizations

By Rachel Uda | From Page: C12 | Gallery

Davis Media Access brings community TV, radio

By Autumn Labbe-Renault | From Page: C14 | Gallery

 
Snapshot: Ban the bag

By Enterprise staff | From Page: C16

 
.

Forum

She just wants to get married

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

 
Monte Wolverton cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A12

When does she graduate from home?

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: A14

 
I return to the mountains and memories of Mom

By Marion Franck | From Page: A14

There’s no pill to get younger

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A14

 
Love comes in all colors — and yes, even in black

By Debra DeAngelo | From Page: A14

Archer, Adams best qualified

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A16

 
And another academic year begins …

By Our View | From Page: A16

They’re consensus-builders

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A16Comments are off for this post

 
Sunder for school board

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A17

Spacious mothering revisited

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A17 | Gallery

 
At the Pond: Thanks, activists

By Jean Jackman | From Page: A18 | Gallery

 
.

Sports

 
Walker draws coaches’ praise after solid performance

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Tale of two halves does in UC Davis, 37-14

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Elk Grove spoils DHS football Homecoming

By Thomas Oide | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Depth comes through for Blue Devil harriers at Stanford

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Elk Grove overwhelms Devil JV footballers

By Spencer Ault | From Page: B3

 
UCD roundup: Scoreless ties for both Aggie soccer teams

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B4 | Gallery

 
.

Features

.

Arts

.

Business

 
New sick leave law: Don’t worry; you’ll feel better

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A13

Stocks end rocky week with a surge

By The Associated Press | From Page: A15

 
Activist investor pushes Yahoo to buy rival AOL

By The Associated Press | From Page: A15

 
.

Obituaries

Michael Allen Hanks Baxter

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

Comics: Sunday, September 28, 2014

By Creator | From Page: B8