Dear Annie: I recently found out that my husband has been calling escorts who advertise online. I am not sure whether he ever hooked up with any of them. I am just shocked that he is doing this and that it has been going on for quite some time.

I feel stupid that it took me so long to pick up on it. It appears he and his buddies had this system going to cover for each other when they communicated with these women. And then he gives me a Christmas card that says how much he loves me. It’s as if he dumped 30 years of marriage down the gutter. It’s the same as cheating.

Let this be a heads up to all the women out there: Check your husband’s cellphone bills. You may be surprised to find out who they are talking to. Staying in the marriage with this going on is not an option. Why am I the one to feel ashamed because of what he did?

— Pennsylvania

Dear Pennsylvania: You feel ashamed because you think he made a fool of you. The man you loved and have been married to for so long was behaving in a way that shocked and humiliated you. He is the one who should be ashamed of being so disrespectful toward you and your marriage.

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Dear Annie: Whenever we are at a party, especially during the holiday season, my usually responsible husband invariably drinks to excess. He gets loud and then louder. A jolly drunk, but still a drunk.

I’m not a teetotaler, but I stop at one or two glasses. I get that I’m not responsible for my husband’s behavior, but it is both embarrassing and frightening. Who is this guy? When I express my concerns (the day after), he becomes petulant or surly. He promises to limit his drinking, but it doesn’t happen.

We’ve been married for 43 years, and this behavior has developed only over the past few. Other than being the designated driver, how do I deal with my party animal?

— His Wet Blanket

Dear Wet Blanket: If this behavior is fairly recent, please suggest to your husband that he get a complete checkup. Ask to go with (so you can mention your concerns to the doctor). Most offices will also permit you to alert the doctor by phone or letter. Another suggestion is to videotape his drunken behavior so he can see for himself how out of control he is. We hope it helps.

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Dear Annie: This is for “Waiting for Your Answer,” who complained about bank personnel chatting up the customers.

When I was a bank teller in Miami, the Federal Banking Commission held a mandatory information workshop on how to prevent bank holdups. Two segments in particular apply to this issue. All greeters and tellers were instructed to:

1. Look the customer in the eye while greeting him/her. This will deter any motive other than banking.

2. Carry on a very brief, pleasant conversation while handling all transactions. This puts any intentioned robber ill at ease because they know you will be able to identify them.

As customers depart, note the height chart that is always posted at the door. The greeter will be doing the same as the customer enters the bank. This helps personnel better describe the person.

Remember that a brief, light conversation may help to protect you, your money and your fellow depositors.

— A Safe Bank Teller

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Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

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