Friday, December 19, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Keeping the kids from the family feud

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | April 16, 2013 |

Dear Annie: I grew up in an extremely dysfunctional family. I have an older sibling who has hated the rest of us for the past 45 years. Family gatherings are extremely uncomfortable events. Inappropriate barbs lead to physical fights, young children cry while the adults pretend nothing is amiss, family members spy on one another, there is lots of back-stabbing, and some relatives are ignored while others are fawned over. My mother allows her adult children to treat one another like animals and refuses to get involved in the chaos.

I am tired of this and will no longer let my children witness these destructive behaviors. Please let other parents know they should work to make their home a welcoming and loving environment. Is there anything I can do to counteract the hostility at these gatherings?

— Too Old for Hate

Dear Too Old: You cannot force your parents and siblings to behave in a civilized manner. The pattern in your family seems fairly well set, and no one else has much interest in changing it. You are smart to realize that your choice is to stay or leave.

Calmly explain to your family why you are walking out (or not attending), and make no apologies. We commend you for recognizing this dysfunction and not transmitting it to your children. But please consider letting the children see some of the relatives one-on-one, under your supervision. Kids are extremely tolerant of aberrant behavior in family members and can understand “this is how Grandma is” without emulating her.

————

Dear Annie: “Michael” and I are a young gay couple pondering marriage. Gay marriage is not performed in our state, and we realize it would not be recognized here. It’s the principle of the thing.

A courthouse venue seems the most feasible, and I am wondering whom to invite. Michael’s parents and siblings would most certainly be there, but I don’t know what to do about my side. I have no siblings, and my parents are divorced. Mom is fully supportive, but my father doesn’t know I’m gay. I would prefer not telling him in order to avoid a conflict.

My father would probably never find out that Michael and I are married if I don’t tell him myself. But if he did learn about it, he’d be upset. Then again, he’d also be upset to learn that I’m getting married. Should I tell him? Also, because my guest list is limited, should I invite best friends?

— A Ring on It

Dear Ring: We think you should tell your father, not only because keeping secrets can erode relationships, but also because you should not be hiding who you are. If you are mature enough to marry, it’s time to handle the fallout from your father. As for your guest list, invite those people you want to have as witnesses to your union, provided you can afford to do so.

————

Dear Annie: This is a response to “Feeling the Void in Indiana.” It was pretty brazen of him to claim to speak for all men when he said we feel incomplete without sex.

I’ll admit that is true for a lot of men, but certainly not all. I’m a healthy 30-year-old man with all the normal biological urges. I also haven’t been in a romantic relationship in years and am completely sexually inactive — and I feel fine about it. That’s because I put my energy into other things like working out and enjoying outdoor activities. And I have a few friends who are as OK without sex as I am. Sex is not the be-all and end-all of human existence.

As a last note, any man who cheats on his wife or girlfriend is a cad, whatever feeble excuses he comes up with.

— Abstinent and OK with It

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

.

News

 
UCD, UC team up to study effects of climate change

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Teens’ goal? Helping other soccer players around the world

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
There’s a plate for you at the Davis Holiday Meal

By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1 | Gallery

Help sought in search for runaway Davis teen

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

 
Feds release ‘framework’ to rate colleges

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

Gunfire leads to DUI arrest

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

 
Police seek suspect in hit-and-run collision

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

 
Sierra Club calendars on sale Saturday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Creative women share food, friendship

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Welcome 2015 with Mumbo Gumbo at a gala bash

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Willett bench is a labor of love

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A4

 
Author! Author! UCD hosts talks, Q and A on Asia-focused books

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

Blue Christmas service planned at Davis churches

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
See diving ducks at city wetlands tour

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5 | Gallery

 
Libraries will be closed around the holidays

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Downtown gift cards get a new perk

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6

 
Meditation, Buddhism classes offered

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

Nobel Prize winner will discuss research related to autism

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

 
A home for the holidays?

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A8 | Gallery

Traditional carols service is Saturday at St. Martin’s

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

 
Explorit: Experience nano this spring

By Lisa Justice | From Page: A9 | Gallery

Donate to STEAC at Original Steve’s

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

 
Grandmothers support group meets weekly

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11, 1 Comment

.

Forum

He needs them to pay up

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

 
Tom Meyer cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A14

Cheers and Jeers: Have you ever seen the rain?

By Our View | From Page: A14

 
Defeating Ebola involves medicine, and prayers

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A14 | Gallery

Kudos to Central Park Gardens donors and volunteers

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A14

 
.

Sports

Cousins is back in lineup but Kings fall

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Devil boys hold off scrappy Rio Linda

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Lady Blue Devils rout an undefeated Liberty squad

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

 
UCD RB coach Wright heads to Florida; what next?

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1

Aggies nab junior college defensive lineman

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

 
Nostra-Dunning makes his college bowl picks

By Bob Dunning | From Page: B2

Tennyson’s first goal is the difference in Sharks win

By The Associated Press | From Page: B6 | Gallery

 
.

Features

Name droppers: Trio elected to academy of inventors

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

 
.

Arts

 
DMTC announces auditions for ‘Sweeney Todd’

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A15

 
‘Before Midnight’ screening is tonight

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A15

DMTC plans New Year’s Eve party

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A15

 
Tom Rigney and Flambeau to play

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A15

 
.

Business

After 19 years, Alfa Romeo returns

By Ann M. Job | From Page: A16

 
.

Obituaries

Rena Sylvia Smilkstein

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

 
.

Comics