Looking to blame herself

Dear Annie: I am a 21-year-old female, quite independent, happy and full of life. Last year I started dating “Luke,” age 26. We hit it off great, and I fell in love. But two months ago, something changed.

Luke recently started a new company. One day, he randomly decided he needed a break from our relationship to focus on his business. He made me promise to stay faithful. After three weeks, we started arguing. I found it stupid that I was supposed to remain faithful while he was out partying every weekend, going to bars and clubs. He kept texting my sister, saying he didn’t want to be with me. When I’d confront him, he’d say he was only kidding.

I tried hard to work this out. Two weeks ago, we planned to hang out, but Luke didn’t answer my calls. He never even bothered to cancel our plans. I finally had enough and sent him a text ending things completely.

Annie, the entire two months we were apart, I was a wreck. I still can’t stop thinking about him. I know I did the right thing by breaking it off. But sometimes, I am filled with regret, as if I wasn’t a good enough girlfriend. How can I be happy again without faking it?

— Lost in My Heart

Dear Lost: This has nothing to do with your value as a girlfriend. Luke was simply not the right guy. He didn’t have the courage to break things off in an honest way and made himself repeatedly unavailable, hoping you’d take the initiative and let him go. It is natural for you to grieve the end of a relationship that you expected to last. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family, pamper yourself, and “fake it until you make it.” Time will heal this. We promise.

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Dear Annie: I used to keep in touch with my grandchildren via e-mail, but lately, they have not been answering my letters. Their parents told me that teenagers prefer to “text” rather than e-mail.

In my technological ignorance, I thought texting was the same as e-mailing. Just what is texting?

— Technologically Impaired in New York

Dear New York: Nearly every cellphone has a text function where you can send a typed message to someone else’s cellphone. On older models, you may need to check your owner’s manual to find out how to do this, and it can also require several keystrokes to get the right letters. But newer smartphones have an icon for messaging right on the screen and a keyboard that appears when you use the function, making texting simple and quick. And the parents are right — most teens prefer it to emailing, although there is a cost involved. If you are interested in getting a new phone, please know that many companies offer tutorials to go with it.

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Dear Annie: The letter from “Some Talk, Please” sounded like one I’ve been writing in my head for a decade. My husband of 20 years is also great around the house and with our kids, but he prefers groping to actual conversation and can’t understand why it doesn’t turn me on.

I’m sad that he feels rejected, but I work two jobs and help care for my parents. I’m too tired for sex at the drop of a hat. He also thinks that when our teenage kids have friends over, it’s a great time to escape to the bedroom. I consider that inappropriate. Can you shed any light on this?

— A Few Words Would Help

Dear Few Words: Your husband is so focused on his own satisfaction that it apparently cuts off oxygen to his brain. You need to be very specific about what you want from him and offer “rewards” when he complies. Behavior modification can be a very useful tool.

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To our Baha’i readers: Happy Ayyam-i-Ha.

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Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

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