Friday, January 30, 2015
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Marriage isn’t for three

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | February 03, 2013 |

Dear Annie: I am married to an absolute angel. Unfortunately, her mother has been living with us for the past two years. Mom doesn’t work, doesn’t do much of anything around the house, doesn’t cook or clean, and sleeps until nearly noon. We have to ask her to do things, just as we would a child, and then she responds as if we’re scolding her.

Mom is only 54 and has no medical or physical problems that would keep her from working. She has worked, but can’t keep a job. When her husband died, she lost everything because she never bothered to ask for help or advice. She believes that God will make a way for her. I have no problem with that, but God expects you to be willing to take the first step forward.

We don’t want her on the street, obviously, and will continue to let her stay here. But we have no privacy and require extended trips just to feel normal. How do we encourage her to move on?

— Need Mother-in-Law Help

Dear Need: Mom is too young to be so useless around the house. Does she have mental health issues? Adult Attention Deficit Disorder might explain why she has so much trouble keeping a job. But regardless, she is not going to do anything about it if you and your wife don’t set some rules and stick to them. Even volunteer work would give Mom a sense of purpose and a place to go every day. Your wife needs to be frank with her mother, saying that she loves her but needs her to contribute to the household in some form. Insist that she get counseling as a condition of staying, and your wife should ask to go with her for the first session to explain the issues to the counselor.

————

Dear Annie: Two years ago, my wife developed breast cancer. The cancer was removed, and we’ve been told she will be fine. We have been married for 41 years, and I am hoping for another 41. I love my wife more than words can say.

Since her brush with cancer, I have noticed that things that once might have incited a “discussion” no longer seem to matter. And I have discovered a number of maladies of my own.

I have, for instance, become “deaf” to certain things in our marriage. For instance, she used to say “you know” a lot. You know? Now I am just thrilled to hear her voice. Blindness has also invaded our house. Neither of us notices the petty annoyances that used to bug us. Our marriage is better now that we don’t see so well.

We both have lost our ability to talk, as well. Once in a while, certain words — hurtful words — used to be thrown around carelessly. But now, neither one of us has the ability to say such things anymore. And I had no idea that cancer could make a person forgetful. I can no longer recall any of my wife’s faults.

One thing that has not been affected, though, is my heart. It still races when I see her. It still flutters when I hear her voice. And it still skips a beat when we kiss. Why must we wait until it is almost too late to appreciate what we have — and could have lost?

— A Little Wiser

Dear Wiser: We love this. Your words should remind all couples of what is truly important. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with our readers.

————

Dear Annie: I have another suggestion for “Not Anti-Social or Addicted to the Internet.” A good place to meet folks is at a bowling alley. We have a lot of fun at our local one. They offer bowling, coffee and some prizes. It’s not a regular league, just a fun time. He should check it out. It includes folks of all ages, although most range from 50 to 80.

— Bowler from Florida

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

     
    ‘Huck’ and ‘Tom’ float old Arboretum dock to removal

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Work continues to modernize Davis Healthcare Center

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1

     
    Holman continues to educate and inspire

    By Daniella Tutino | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Biologists: Raising California dam would harm salmon

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2 | Gallery

     
    Teens arrested after midnight joyride

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

     
    Overweight video game avatars ‘play’ worse than fit ones

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3 | Gallery

    Meet the mayor for coffee at Peet’s

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Author joins radio show

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

    Make your own SoulCollage on Sunday

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

     
    Calling all chicken owners: Apply for coop crawl, share information

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Walk through Quail Ridge Reserve on Feb. 14

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Hopmans named associate vice provost for global affairs

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

     
    Review motivation to refresh your healthy-habits plan

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6 | Gallery

    Tips to protect skin this winter

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6

     
    For health and healthy appearance, there’s just one quick fix

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

    NAMI-Yolo examines inpatient services at potluck

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

     
    Measles outbreak grows

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A9

    .

    Forum

    Basement living, with attitude to match

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    50 years since Ash Hall

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10 | Gallery

    Can climate change bring us together?

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

     
    Paso Fino coming to a vote

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

    .

    Sports

    Aggies still looking for record hoops win

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

     
    Blue Devil Hammond has a huge day at home

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Pent up? Join Davis’ latest athletic event

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Two in a row for Devil boys

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    UCD roundup: Aggie football players crack the books

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

     
    Youth roundup: Harper hoopsters off to hot start

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

    Treys send Toronto past Kings

    By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

     
    .

    Features

    What’s happening

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A8

     
    College Corner: Have wanderlust? Go overseas for college

    By Jennifer Borenstein | From Page: A8

    District learns from bomb threat incident

    By Kellen Browning | From Page: A8

     
    It’s Girl Scout Cookie time!

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A8 | Gallery

    Feenstra-Fisher wedding

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9

     
    .

    Arts

    Show explores the evolution of dance

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

     
    A rose by any other name — if there is one

    By Michael Lewis | From Page: A11

     
    Acclaimed guitarist Adrian Legg to play at The Palms on Saturday

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A11 | Gallery

    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    James George Tingus

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Thursday, January 29, 2015

    By Creator | From Page: B6