Thursday, September 18, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

May I please get a divorce?

AnniesMailbox

Dear Annie: I’m in my 40s and have been married for 20 years. We have two children. Our marriage has been OK but not totally fulfilling. For the past five years, I have been in contact with my ex-fiancée.

I have thought about getting divorced a number of times but have never gone through with it. I love my wife, but not the same way I love my ex. Whenever I speak with my ex, I am my happy old self. She is the most caring, sweet, romantic person I’ve ever met, and I know, without a doubt, that our lives would be happy if we were together. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her. We treat each other the way people should be treated.

My children do not have the best relationship with their mother, so I don’t think a divorce would be all that traumatizing for them. I just don’t want to hurt her. I have spoken to her about the things I’d like changed, but she only complies for a short while, and then things go back to the way they were.

Is this just a midlife crisis? Should I settle and stick with my current life or take a chance on a new one?

— Wanting No Regrets

Dear Wanting: So why didn’t you marry your ex-fiancée? It’s not uncommon to fantasize about a wonderful life with someone you don’t actually live with. The mundane responsibilities, raising children, doing housework, paying bills — all of those things are unromantic and unexciting. It takes work to make a good marriage. Don’t simply tell your wife what you want her to change. Maybe she’d like you to change, too.

We commend you for not wanting to hurt her. So please give your marriage a chance before you bail. Ask your wife to come with you for marriage counseling to see whether you can work through some of those things that are making you unhappy.

————

Dear Annie: My husband recently passed away after 40 years together. It’s been heartbreaking.

While going through his desk, I found a checkbook for our joint trust account. He had written in it that he wanted to leave all five of our children a sizable amount of money. I have no problem with four of them, as they are all employed and responsible adults. However, the fifth “child” is 58, unemployed, and living on his veterans benefits and disability so he can smoke medical marijuana.

I have already written checks for the first four kids, but I am dragging my feet about the fifth. It was my husband’s wish that they all be treated equally. Am I being disrespectful to my husband’s memory by not getting a check out to my son? I’m afraid he will blow it all on weed.

— An Anxious Mom

Dear Mom: We think your son is probably as responsible as he’s going to get. Certainly your husband knew this. Talk to your son. Explain that he has money coming to him, but you are concerned that it won’t last very long. Ask whether he’d like you to pay it to him in installments or put it in a trust for his long-term benefit. He may actually prefer an arrangement like this, but if not, please give him the money anyway. What he does with it is not your problem.

————

Dear Annie: Perhaps the owners of vacation homes whose guests leave photos of their own families in the home could start guest scrapbooks. A large scrapbook would provide room for visitors to note when they were there and perhaps mention a few of the more interesting things they did while enjoying the generous hospitality of the owners. This would provide a nice memory book for both the owners and guests, as well as providing an appropriate place for guests to leave their family photos.

— Barbara in Ventura

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

.

News

Jurors see Marsh questioned by police

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1

 
Grace Garden: Five years of feeding the needy

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A1

 
Wildfire shows explosive growth

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2 | Gallery

 
For the record

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

 
Bike sale on Friday will benefit King High

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A2

Per Capita Davis: What to think

By John Mott-Smith | From Page: A3

 
International Festival moves to park for fourth year

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

Essay contest underway

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
Sudwerk Wet Hop Lager plants seeds for area hops rebirth

By Wendy Weitzel | From Page: A4 | Gallery

Speakers plumb issues around the Constitution

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Australian pop band Dick Diver plays Third Space

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

RepowerYolo hosts solar seminar

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Local Girl Scouts are looking for a few good leaders

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A5

Reneau, Silberstein will read their poetry Thursday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5 | Gallery

 
Parents host campaign coffees for Archer

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Nominate deserving volunteers for top citizen honors

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Governor signs bill to support state’s ailing bee population

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

Backyard poultry symposium Sunday at UCD

By Tanya Perez | From Page: A5

 
Forum will answer questions about new license law

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

PG&E, Dixon company unveil truck that can restore power

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7 | Gallery

 
$12M earmarked for UCD life sciences center in Chile

By Karen Nikos-Rose | From Page: A7

.

Forum

She’s had it with his neglect

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

 
Off-leash dogs are a danger

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

Davis makes the NY Times

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
Affordable housing affects health

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

Choose to wipe out hunger

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

 
Tom Meyer cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

.

Sports

DHS girls pound Mustangs in the pool

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

 
Davis captures final nonleague volleyball outing

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

DHS golfers blow past St. Francis

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Devils blow out Marauders at Brown Stadium

By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Youth softball: Hurricanes win one of two slugfests with Woodland

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

 
Youth roundup: These Diamonds are forever in the record books

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

Davis falls to Vintage in a JV shootout

By Spencer Ault | From Page: B3

 
Baseball roundup: Duffy comes up big for Giants in Arizona

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

Young Devil harriers carry the day

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3

 
DHS girls tennis team stunned at Franklin

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B8

.

Features

Students get into the act with Shakespeare

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A8 | Gallery

 
Street-smart tips for safe cycling

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A8

What’s happening, Sept. 18

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A8

 
Eagle Scout project makes life easier for Yolo Basin volunteers

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A10 | Gallery

.

Arts

Catie Curtis brings folk-rock ‘Flying Dream’ to The Palms on Friday Sept. 19

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9 | Gallery

 
Wineaux: Back and forth in the high and low debate

By Susan Leonardi | From Page: A9

 
.

Business

.

Obituaries

Jean Botelli

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

Comics: Thursday, September 18, 2014

By Creator | From Page: B6