Dear Annie: I met the man of my dreams at the workplace. At the time, I was in an abusive marriage and had given up all hope, and then I met “Howard.”

Here’s the problem: Howard is 45, still lives in his parents’ basement and works from home. He doesn’t pay rent or utilities, although when he gets a paycheck, he gives his mother some money. On the other hand, my daughter and I have our own place. We make ends meet. Howard bought me a laptop for my birthday and a bedroom set for my apartment, has fixed my car and recently put new tires on it.

He has done so much for me, and I am grateful. But because he still lives with his parents, it limits what we can do. He says he is obligated to his mother, daughter and grandchildren. His job sends him on extended trips to other countries where he sometimes spends four months at a time. He says this job looks good on his resume.

I am also aware that Howard has a drug addiction, and I hate it with a passion. We drink together, and it’s all a fun thing, but then he gets forgetful and confuses me with some of the other women he’s been with. When I ask whom he’s talking about, he starts yelling that it was before we dated. I trust him, but I don’t know how to do things by degrees. All of my heart belongs to him.

Am I being selfish, or is this man so comfortable where he is that I come in second?

— Need Your Opinion

Dear Need: We were ready to overlook the fact that Howard still lives with his parents and doesn’t pay rent, but then we got to “drug addiction.” And he gets drunk and yells at you, not to mention he’s away from home for months at a time. Please don’t go from the frying pan into the fire. Howard has been generous, but that doesn’t make him such a great catch. Please take some time to be on your own and learn to navigate life without a man’s help. You need to develop a better guidance system.

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Dear Annie: You printed a letter about those who cannot have gluten. What about those of us who prepare a dinner only to have a seated guest request something other than what’s available because they want a gluten-free meal? In this particular case, the guest was staying with us for an additional two days, so we needed to do more shopping to accommodate her.

My grandson has a severe peanut allergy. My daughter always announced the problem when he was invited out, and now that he is 20, he has no problem asking for information regarding food before it is placed in front of him. Why don’t people tell the hosts these things at the time they accept the invitation?

— Joan in California

Dear Joan: No one should wait until the last second. It’s inconsiderate. Those with a food issue, whether allergies, gluten intolerance, vegan, etc., should not expect their hosts to jump through hoops for them. If they wish to be accommodated, they should mention the issue in advance. Otherwise, they need to deal with whatever is served. Of course, these days, a careful host should inquire whether the guests have any food requirements at the time of the invitation so there are no surprises.

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Dear Annie: Your reply to “The Old Fool,” about his wife’s lack of interest in lovemaking due to hormonal changes, was right on the mark. But he’s not a fool. He deserves a pat on the back for not accusing his wife of having an affair. I wish my husband were that sensible.

— Wife of a Fool

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Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

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