Sunday, January 25, 2015
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

More than just kissing cousins

By
From page C4 | April 28, 2013 |

Dear Annie: Since my husband discovered that his parents are first cousins, he’s been having an emotional crisis that I can’t help him with. I was the one who uncovered the secret when I was doing research for a genealogy study to be presented as a gift for my father-in-law’s 70th birthday.

I have given my in-laws many opportunities to absolve themselves of their deception, but I must have been far too subtle to make myself clear about the situation. I don’t expect an answer from you or your staff members, because I’ve tried to contact numerous others concerning this subject, and it appears to be taboo for even the most open-minded of venues.

— Need Help in California

Dear Need Help: Really? We cannot imagine why. Your in-laws may have done nothing that requires “absolving.” Marriage between first cousins is legal in 20 states and is permitted in six others depending on the circumstances. In Biblical times, marriage between first cousins was commonplace.

Instead of sweeping this under the rug and watching your husband freak out, please talk to your in-laws directly. Say you found this information while researching the family tree. Let them discuss it frankly so their son can learn to accept what’s already happened and put it behind him. There’s no reason for this to become a major crisis. If you are planning to have children (or already do), you might consider genetic counseling now that you have a more complete family history.

————

Dear Annie: My adult son has a large, dark, textured birthmark on his right cheek. We believe it has caused him to lose out on job opportunities. He has been trying without success to get a job for four years. He is a hard worker, punctual and trustworthy. He has pounded the pavement looking for work and gone online and applied for more than 200 jobs.

A friend of my son’s said privately that he would hire him but looking at “that thing” on his face makes him sick. My question to you is: Are there plastic surgeons out there who would help my son by removing this birthmark at a very low cost? He has no income, and we are not in a position right now to help him financially.

— Grateful Mom

Dear Grateful: Your son may qualify for Medicaid, in which case a plastic surgeon may be able to remove the skin growth at no cost if it is potentially malignant. Check at medicaid.gov to see whether your son is covered in his state. He also should check his local hospitals and medical schools. Some surgeons and hospitals have been known to generously donate their skills and facilities for low-income patients.

In the meantime, we suggest he visit his local pharmacy or department store and ask about cosmetics that will cover the birthmark. Or he could try two products we have recommended in the past: Dermablend (dermablend.com) and Covermark (covermark.com).

————

Dear Annie: The letter from “Tired Daughter” really hit home. My mother was an alcoholic and also blamed my father for her sad life. He finally left, and we kids took the brunt of her sorry existence. Finally, as an adult, I gently cut ties with her. When she developed dementia (partially due to her alcoholism), she ended up in a care facility. My brother and I shared the job of handling her affairs.

So many times, people said, “But she’s your mother,” as if I had to love her because we were related. We are not forced to love an abuser, no matter who they are. “Tired Daughter” should get on with her life and her family and lose the guilt, with the help of a professional if needed.

— Been There in Montreal

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

     
    Four days of unusual, adventuresome music

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Red Cross honors community heroes

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
    Bridges of Yolo County: Wear, tear … repair?

    By Elizabeth Case | From Page: A1 | Gallery

    Abe ‘speechless’ after video claims IS hostage dead

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    GOP presses state bills limiting gay rights before ruling

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Abortion opponents express renewed hope at California rally

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Spanish police arrest 4 suspected members of a jihadi cell

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Rockets kill 30 in Ukrainian city as rebels launch offensive

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Fake schools draw federal scrutiny

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A3 | Gallery

    Winter produce available at Sutter market

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

     
    Sip wines at St. James’ annual tasting

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

     
    Donations to be distributed during homeless count

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A4

    Speaker will share computer security tips

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Logos Books celebrates 5 years, offers language groups

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Australian olive oil company opens U.S. headquarters in Woodland

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    Explore at the YOLO Outdoor Expo

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

     
    Pedal around Davis on weekly bike ride

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Yolo animal shelter seeking rawhide donations

    By Lauren Keene | From Page: A5

     
    Woodland Healthcare employees take Great Kindness Challenge

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

    At the Pond: Nest boxes give birds new homes

    By Jean Jackman | From Page: A6 | Gallery

     
    California ranks worst in nation for guidance counselors

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

    Davis, Woodland are saving water

    By Elizabeth Case | From Page: A12

     
    Music and Words Festival events

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A12

    .

    Forum

    Caring for the aging mouth

    By Samer Alassaad | From Page: A8

     
    Family isn’t keen on relationship

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: A8

     
    We have the right to choose

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

     
    We don’t have to suffer

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

    City helped immensely

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

     
    Rick McKee cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A10

    Big utilities’ nightmare begins to play out

    By Tom Elias | From Page: A10

     
    Mayor’s Corner: Let’s renew Davis together

    By Dan Wolk | From Page: A10

    From innovation parks to innovative buildings and planning

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A11

     
    When measles spreads from Disneyland, it’s a small world after all

    By New York Times News Service | From Page: A11

    .

    Sports

    Loud crowd sees DHS boys win

    By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Lady Devils hold off Pacers, stay perfect in league

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

    Wildcats’ inaugural kids development league exceeds expectations

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    Aggies get top 2015 gymnastics score, but fall short

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    UCD men take two tennis matches

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B8

     
    Watney in ninth at Humana Challenge

    By Staff and wire reports | From Page: B8

    .

    Features

    .

    Arts

    .

    Business

    Davis man focusing on cannabidiol business

    By Will Bellamy | From Page: A9

     
    Marrone Bio’s Regalia approved for new uses in Canada

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9

     
    UCD grad makes insurance ‘hot 100′ list

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

    Yolo County real estate sales

    By Zoe Juanitas | From Page: A9

     
    .

    Obituaries

    Thomas George Byrne

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

     
    .

    Comics

    Comics: Sunday, January 25, 2015

    By Creator | From Page: B8