Wednesday, May 6, 2015
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Not part of the family after all

AnniesMailbox

By
From page A9 | June 08, 2014 |

Dear Annie: I was widowed five years ago when my husband of 23 years died after a long illness. My four kids (the oldest from a previous marriage) still grieve to this day. “George” always considered my eldest daughter to be his child. Two years after George died, I married a wonderful man who respects the memory of my late husband. George’s family embraced him. Or so I thought.

Recently, George’s two sisters excluded us from a family get-together when an out-of-town sibling was visiting. I had invited everyone to my home via email, but the sisters claim they never saw it. Even so, they insisted the evening was “just for siblings.” My kids thought their aunts and uncles were coming to our house and even took off of work to be here. George’s mother was not happy that we were excluded, and neither was the visiting sibling, but neither will rock the boat.

These two sisters give the distinct impression that they have no interest in a relationship with my oldest child or me because we are not “blood related.” But this hurts my other children, too, and is causing a great deal of misery.

When George was sick, these same sisters never visited, but I never once mentioned their lack of involvement. This has totally recalibrated everything I thought I knew about family. I want to confront these two sisters, but don’t want to hurt George’s mother. How should I handle this?

— Brokenhearted in Kansas

Dear Kansas: A confrontation is unlikely to help. It’s terribly sad and hurtful when people exclude those who aren’t “blood related” within the family. Since George’s mother and his remaining sibling will not speak up on your behalf, it is up to your younger children to make it clear to these mean-spirited aunts that they are unhappy about the situation, although how they do so is up to them. Please don’t push your children to cut off contact with these aunts if they prefer not to.

————

Dear Annie: My son has planned a huge wedding reception, but only a few people are invited to the actual ceremony. He insists on a small wedding, even though I’ve explained that this is where friends and family assemble to witness the union and agree to encourage and support the new couple. The church is big enough.

Now my brother says it’s not worth a three-hour drive for a reception. Several close friends who have known my son all his life are hurt and may not come at all. On top of this, my son and his bride did not register for gifts. They asked for cash.

I know it’s not my wedding, but these kids are just out of school and seem to lack all sense of propriety. I have told my brother and a few others to come to the ceremony anyway, and I will take the blame. Annie, have we lost this battle of good behavior?

— Troubled M-O-G

Dear Troubled: Let’s clarify: It is OK to have a small ceremony and a larger reception, although it does seem rather exclusive. Nonetheless, this is the couple’s choice, and we don’t think it’s a good idea for you to usurp their guest list, even with the best of intentions. Please talk to your son and his bride again and explain how much it hurts these close friends and relatives who love him to be excluded from witnessing his vows, and how this could affect their relationships for years to come. We do agree, however, that asking for cash is tacky.

————

Dear Annie: Kudos to “D,” who wrote that there are not enough “happy” letters in your column. My theory is that happiness is a personality trait. You are either happy or not. People and circumstances can make one unhappy, but no one can really make one happy. Maybe “happier” is the correct term.

— Happy at 78

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Creators Syndicate

.

News

With collective’s help, you can fix it yourself at Bike Forth

By Bob Schultz | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
New chemistry building in the works at UCD

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A1

County supervisors receive positive report on Laura’s Law

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1

 
Big Day of Giving surpasses $5 million goal

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

 
Bob Dunning: Squeezed by the math on conservation

By Bob Dunning | From Page: A2

 
Kids get a peek at the great outdoors

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

Heidrick Ag History Center rebranded as California Agriculture Museum

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

 
BeerFest expands to include cider

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

May 11 talk focuses on clean water

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
‘From Age-ing to Sage-ing’ guides library group

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Crossing lines, on ‘Davisville’

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
’12 Angry Men’ will screen Friday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Pet Food Express organizes Save a Kitten fundraiser

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
Retirees to hear about Woodland’s shade tree campaign

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6

 
Round up at the registers for Davis schools

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6Comments are off for this post

Origami lovers will meet at library

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6

 
Earth-centered author comes to Avid Reader

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6

Breast cancer treatment update offered

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6

 
MIND Institute lecture will focus on prenatal exposure to insecticide

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

Pence Gallery: We’re overflowing with gratitude

By Natalie Nelson | From Page: A9 | Gallery

 
Health care documentary will screen at meeting

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

Who is Ralph Hexter? Chancellor’s No. 2 fills us in

By Tanya Perez | From Page: A10 | Gallery

 
.

Forum

New book flows with good news about water

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B4 | Gallery

 
Injection wells endanger our aquifers

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B4

.

Sports

Aggies go flat in 7-1 Sacramento State win at Raley

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Devils crush Edison to earn McClatchy rematch

By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Blue Devils grind out a victory over Oak Ridge

By Thomas Oide | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Davis boys dominate first playoff match

By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Alliance/Legacy roundup: Local squads fare well over the weekend

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3 | Gallery

 
AYSO roundup: Davis teams capture Fog Classic crowns

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3 | Gallery

.

Features

.

Arts

 
High school artists exhibited at Pence Gallery

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

See Christian Quintin’s paintings at Hattie Weber Museum

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

 
Academy of St. Martin in the Fields Chamber Ensemble returns

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A7 | Gallery

Sac Ballet presents Modern Masters on May 8-9

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A7

 
Davis Youth Flute Choir tunes up for China tour

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A8

.

Business

.

Obituaries

.

Comics

Comics: Wednesday, May 6, 2015

By Creator | From Page: B5