Wednesday, January 28, 2015
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Not part of the family after all

AnniesMailbox

By
From page A9 | June 08, 2014 |

Dear Annie: I was widowed five years ago when my husband of 23 years died after a long illness. My four kids (the oldest from a previous marriage) still grieve to this day. “George” always considered my eldest daughter to be his child. Two years after George died, I married a wonderful man who respects the memory of my late husband. George’s family embraced him. Or so I thought.

Recently, George’s two sisters excluded us from a family get-together when an out-of-town sibling was visiting. I had invited everyone to my home via email, but the sisters claim they never saw it. Even so, they insisted the evening was “just for siblings.” My kids thought their aunts and uncles were coming to our house and even took off of work to be here. George’s mother was not happy that we were excluded, and neither was the visiting sibling, but neither will rock the boat.

These two sisters give the distinct impression that they have no interest in a relationship with my oldest child or me because we are not “blood related.” But this hurts my other children, too, and is causing a great deal of misery.

When George was sick, these same sisters never visited, but I never once mentioned their lack of involvement. This has totally recalibrated everything I thought I knew about family. I want to confront these two sisters, but don’t want to hurt George’s mother. How should I handle this?

— Brokenhearted in Kansas

Dear Kansas: A confrontation is unlikely to help. It’s terribly sad and hurtful when people exclude those who aren’t “blood related” within the family. Since George’s mother and his remaining sibling will not speak up on your behalf, it is up to your younger children to make it clear to these mean-spirited aunts that they are unhappy about the situation, although how they do so is up to them. Please don’t push your children to cut off contact with these aunts if they prefer not to.

————

Dear Annie: My son has planned a huge wedding reception, but only a few people are invited to the actual ceremony. He insists on a small wedding, even though I’ve explained that this is where friends and family assemble to witness the union and agree to encourage and support the new couple. The church is big enough.

Now my brother says it’s not worth a three-hour drive for a reception. Several close friends who have known my son all his life are hurt and may not come at all. On top of this, my son and his bride did not register for gifts. They asked for cash.

I know it’s not my wedding, but these kids are just out of school and seem to lack all sense of propriety. I have told my brother and a few others to come to the ceremony anyway, and I will take the blame. Annie, have we lost this battle of good behavior?

— Troubled M-O-G

Dear Troubled: Let’s clarify: It is OK to have a small ceremony and a larger reception, although it does seem rather exclusive. Nonetheless, this is the couple’s choice, and we don’t think it’s a good idea for you to usurp their guest list, even with the best of intentions. Please talk to your son and his bride again and explain how much it hurts these close friends and relatives who love him to be excluded from witnessing his vows, and how this could affect their relationships for years to come. We do agree, however, that asking for cash is tacky.

————

Dear Annie: Kudos to “D,” who wrote that there are not enough “happy” letters in your column. My theory is that happiness is a personality trait. You are either happy or not. People and circumstances can make one unhappy, but no one can really make one happy. Maybe “happier” is the correct term.

— Happy at 78

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Creators Syndicate

.

News

 
Art museum is a work of art itself

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
UC Davis doctors strike

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

CASA seeks volunteers to advocate for kids

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Community invited to Fenocchio memorial

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

Teens Take Charge program accepting applications

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
SHE to lead Center for Spiritual Living in sound healing

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

 
Take a hike with Tuleyome on Feb. 7

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4 | Gallery

The Soup’s On for NAMI-Yolo

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Sip wines at St. James’ annual tasting

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

Kiwanis Crab, Pasta Feed benefits local charities

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Registration open for PSA Day at Davis Media Access

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Brick sales will benefit Hattie Weber Museum

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4 | Gallery

 
Capay Valley Almond Festival will tempt your taste buds

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

State fails to track billions in mental health funds

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

 
Rebekahs’ crab feed benefits local families

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

Covered California enrollment events planned

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

 
Learn pattern darning tips at guild meeting

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

Suds for a bug: Contest is over

By Kathy Keatley Garvey | From Page: A7

 
CSU chancellor calls for increasing graduation rates

By The Associated Press | From Page: A7

.

Forum

Family feels cut off here

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

 
It’s the final freedom

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
Tom Meyer cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

Move past the stereotypes

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
A stunning contradiction here

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

Let’s speak with accuracy

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
Think again on euthanasia

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

.

Sports

Devil snowboarders place second in short and slushy GS

By Margo Roeckl | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Williams-less Gauchos will test Aggie men

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1

 
Davis club ruggers open with nationally celebrated Jesuit on Friday

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Lady Blue Devils take care of business

By Thomas Oide | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
DHS ski team takes second on a déjà vu day

By Tanya Perez | From Page: B8 | Gallery

.

Features

Name droppers: Arboretum director wins leadership award

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Lemon tree, very pretty: Our most local fruit?

By Dan Kennedy | From Page: A10 | Gallery

.

Arts

Granger Smith to play at The Davis Graduate

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9 | Gallery

 
Young musicians to perform Winter Concerto Concert

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9 | Gallery

Art science speaker series event set for Feb. 5

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

 
Red Meat, Deke Dickerson bring rockabilly honky-tonk twang to The Palms

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9 | Gallery

.

Business

.

Obituaries

Death notice: Betty J. Cogburn

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

Comics: Wednesday, January 28, 2015

By Creator | From Page: B6