Friday, January 30, 2015
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Not ready to move on yet

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B3 | August 24, 2014 |

Dear Annie: A few years before my father passed away, he and I had a disagreement about the way he treated others in the family. After talking it over with my sister and brother, it was agreed that I would be the best one to stand up to him. I did this on a couple of occasions and felt that Dad and I were making some headway. But not long after, Dad died in his sleep. (He had a lot of health issues.)

My sister and brother both put the blame on me. I made several attempts to get together with them to talk it through, but neither would have anything to do with me. My sister even got legal power of attorney over my mother and kept information about her from me. Then, when my mother died, my siblings decided we should be a family again because it is just the three of us. They now act as if nothing happened.

Unfortunately, I cannot get over the horrible way they treated me. They were similarly unkind to my wife and child, which is the worst part. I went through sorrow, hate, guilt, etc., and finally reached the point where I stopped caring. I see my siblings occasionally, and they want to be friendly, but I am having a hard time accepting this. I feel they owe us an apology, at least one to my wife and child, and I don’t see getting past this until it happens. I’d also like an explanation for their treatment, but I’m pretty sure I won’t get that. Am I wrong? Should I let this go or stand my ground?

— Confused Situation

Dear Confused: Standing your ground won’t help if your siblings don’t know that you are doing it and why. Can you speak to them without becoming angry? Simply say, “You know I love you, and I would like to have the close relationship we once had. But I’m still terribly hurt by the way my family was treated after Dad died, and it’s difficult for me to get past that. An apology would go a long way.”

It’s possible they will apologize. It’s possible they will become defensive or angry and once again blame you. But at least they will know what’s going on and have some understanding of how to repair the damage, even if they choose not to. How to handle it after that is up to you.

————

Dear Annie: What do you think about a relative who gives you a birthday or Christmas card with an IOU for a certain amount stating, “For whatever you want”? Is the recipient really supposed to pick out something and then call him and say, “How do you plan on paying for my gift?” Wouldn’t a gift card be more appropriate?

— At a Loss

Dear At a Loss: Well, yes, of course. Even writing a check for that amount would be less burdensome. An IOU makes it awkward for the recipient, forcing you to become a bill collector or not “cash in” on the gift. You can ask your relative why he does this. He might not have a checking account or access to the Internet, or he may believe he needs a gift card to a specific store, which could be too much effort. Or it could be a way to ensure that you will contact him again. Regardless, we hope you thank him for thinking of you.

————

Dear Annie: Like “Gasping for Breath,” I also have asthma, and my husband and every one of my in-laws smoke like chimneys.

I have explained my medical condition, but even my husband refuses to believe his smoking has any effect on me, even with my doctor’s warnings. I finally stopped going to their get-togethers, and my health and peace of mind have improved. Until smokers truly understand that secondhand smoke causes harm to others, they will not admit that their habit is problematic.

— Still Breathing

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Creators Syndicate

.

News

Town hall focuses on Coordinated Care Initiative

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1

 
Schools give parents tools to help kids thrive

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Suspected Ebola patient being treated at UCD Med Center

By San Francisco Chronicle | From Page: A1

Need a new best friend?

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2 | Gallery

 
Stanford University to get $50 million to produce vaccines

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

Two more cases of measles in Northern California in children

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Dartmouth bans hard liquor

By New York Times News Service | From Page: A2

 
Walkers head out three times weekly

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3Comments are off for this post

Free tax preparation service begins Monday

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

 
Vote for your favorites in Readers’ Choice poll

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

No bare bottoms, thanks to CommuniCare’s Diaper Drive

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
Storyteller relies on nature as his subject on Saturday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Still time to purchase tickets for DHS Cabaret

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
All voices welcome at sing-along Wednesday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Great Chefs Program will feature Mulvaney

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

 
February science fun set at Explorit

By Lisa Justice | From Page: A6 | Gallery

 
Take a photo tour of Cuba at Flyway Nights talk

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6 | Gallery

See wigeons, curlews and meadowlarks at city wetlands

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8 | Gallery

 
.

Forum

Time for bed … with Grandma

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

 
Tom Meyer cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A10

 
A ‘new deal’ for the WPA building

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

Protect root zone to save trees

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

 
Weigh quality of life, density

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

Olive expert joins St. James event

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

 
We’re grateful for bingo proceeds

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

.

Sports

UCD has another tough football schedule in 2015

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

 
Gould’s influence felt mightily in recent Super Bowls

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1

Mustangs hold off UCD women

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
UCD men set new school D-I era win record

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Sharks double up Ducks

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

 
Sports briefs: Watney, Woods start slow at TPC Scottsdale

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

Recall that first Aggie TV game, national title?

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B8 | Gallery

 
.

Features

.

Arts

‘Artist’s Connection’ launches on DCTV

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A11

 
‘Song of the Sea’ is an enchanting fable

By Derrick Bang | From Page: A11 | Gallery

 
Gross’ paintings highlight a slice of Northern California

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A12 | Gallery

February show at YoloArts’ Gallery 625 is ‘Food for Thought’

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A12 | Gallery

 
.

Business

.

Obituaries

.

Comics

Comics: Friday, January 30, 2015

By Creator | From Page: A9