Sunday, September 21, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Not ready to move on yet

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B3 | August 24, 2014 |

Dear Annie: A few years before my father passed away, he and I had a disagreement about the way he treated others in the family. After talking it over with my sister and brother, it was agreed that I would be the best one to stand up to him. I did this on a couple of occasions and felt that Dad and I were making some headway. But not long after, Dad died in his sleep. (He had a lot of health issues.)

My sister and brother both put the blame on me. I made several attempts to get together with them to talk it through, but neither would have anything to do with me. My sister even got legal power of attorney over my mother and kept information about her from me. Then, when my mother died, my siblings decided we should be a family again because it is just the three of us. They now act as if nothing happened.

Unfortunately, I cannot get over the horrible way they treated me. They were similarly unkind to my wife and child, which is the worst part. I went through sorrow, hate, guilt, etc., and finally reached the point where I stopped caring. I see my siblings occasionally, and they want to be friendly, but I am having a hard time accepting this. I feel they owe us an apology, at least one to my wife and child, and I don’t see getting past this until it happens. I’d also like an explanation for their treatment, but I’m pretty sure I won’t get that. Am I wrong? Should I let this go or stand my ground?

— Confused Situation

Dear Confused: Standing your ground won’t help if your siblings don’t know that you are doing it and why. Can you speak to them without becoming angry? Simply say, “You know I love you, and I would like to have the close relationship we once had. But I’m still terribly hurt by the way my family was treated after Dad died, and it’s difficult for me to get past that. An apology would go a long way.”

It’s possible they will apologize. It’s possible they will become defensive or angry and once again blame you. But at least they will know what’s going on and have some understanding of how to repair the damage, even if they choose not to. How to handle it after that is up to you.

————

Dear Annie: What do you think about a relative who gives you a birthday or Christmas card with an IOU for a certain amount stating, “For whatever you want”? Is the recipient really supposed to pick out something and then call him and say, “How do you plan on paying for my gift?” Wouldn’t a gift card be more appropriate?

— At a Loss

Dear At a Loss: Well, yes, of course. Even writing a check for that amount would be less burdensome. An IOU makes it awkward for the recipient, forcing you to become a bill collector or not “cash in” on the gift. You can ask your relative why he does this. He might not have a checking account or access to the Internet, or he may believe he needs a gift card to a specific store, which could be too much effort. Or it could be a way to ensure that you will contact him again. Regardless, we hope you thank him for thinking of you.

————

Dear Annie: Like “Gasping for Breath,” I also have asthma, and my husband and every one of my in-laws smoke like chimneys.

I have explained my medical condition, but even my husband refuses to believe his smoking has any effect on me, even with my doctor’s warnings. I finally stopped going to their get-togethers, and my health and peace of mind have improved. Until smokers truly understand that secondhand smoke causes harm to others, they will not admit that their habit is problematic.

— Still Breathing

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Creators Syndicate

.

News

Elementary school counselors: necessary, but poorly funded

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
 
Bet Haverim hosts High Holy Day services

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A1

 
Teams assess damage as wildfire burns

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2 | Gallery

 
Driver arrested for DUI after Saturday morning crash

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A2

Help raise funds for juvenile diabetes cure

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Jewelry, art for sale at Senior Center

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Davis Community Meals needs cooks

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Da Vinci awarded $38,000 for restorative justice program

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A4

 
Hawk Hill trip planned Sept. 30

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

UC campus chancellors granted hefty pay raises

By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

 
Send kids to camp!

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Outdoor yoga marathon celebrates community

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5

 
Wise words

By Sue Cockrell | From Page: A12

 
.

Forum

Awareness is key to this fight

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

 
Where is this going?

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: A6

We’re living in the Golden State of emergency

By Debra DeAngelo | From Page: A6

 
Options for protection come with flu season

By The Associated Press | From Page: A6

Are we there yet? Not enough hours in the day to goof off

By Tanya Perez | From Page: A6Comments are off for this post

 
Don’t sell city greenbelt

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

Paso Fino project is flawed

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

 
Paso Fino — it’s not worth it

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

Archer will get my vote

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A10

 
It’s time for Davis Scouts to stand up for what is right

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A10

Mike Keefe cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A10

 
Building something at schools’ HQ

By Our View | From Page: A10

Speak out

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

 
Maybe David can beat Goliath again

By Lynne Nittler | From Page: A11 | Gallery

.

Sports

DHS gets on its Morse to beat Edison

By Thomas Oide | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
JV Blue Devils drop low-scoring affair

By Spencer Ault | From Page: B2

 
Republic FC’s fairy tale season continues

By Evan Ream | From Page: B3 | Gallery

Wire briefs: Giants rally falls short in San Diego

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
Four local swimmers qualify for Olympic Trials

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3

‘We’re a way better team’ than record, says UCD’s Shaffer

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B4 | Gallery

 
UCD roundup: Aggie men pound Pomona-Pitzer in the pool

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B4

Davis 15-year-old making a splash in European F4 series

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B8 | Gallery

 
.

Features

.

Arts

‘Ladies Foursome’ adds shows

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
.

Business

MBI hires VP of marketing

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

 
UCD grad’s startup earns kudos at TechCrunch event

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

Styles on target for November debut

By Wendy Weitzel | From Page: A7

 
Taylor Morrison unveils new Woodland community next weekend

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9 | Gallery

Rob White: What is an ‘innovation center’?

By Rob White | From Page: A9

 
.

Obituaries

Carol L. Walsh

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
.

Comics

Comics: Sunday, September 21, 2014

By Creator | From Page: B8