Thursday, April 24, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Oh dear, John’s not getting the message

AnniesMailbox

Dear Annie: I have been with “John” for more than 10 years. We have children together. I have reached the point in my life that I wish to be married. I never wanted to be a girlfriend forever, and he knew this from the beginning.

John says stupid things like, “If you did such-and-such, then I’d marry you.” I don’t believe marriage is about how much I can do for him. It’s about loving each other enough to commit. I love John, but he is unwilling to take that step, so I have told him if we are not married by next summer, he has to move out and let me get on with my life. I’m not trying to force him to the altar. It’s simply that if a legal commitment isn’t in the cards, I need to plan my future without him.

The problem is, John tells me he will not leave. I don’t want things to get nasty by involving the authorities, but I want more out of my life than he does. Over the past few months, I have made myself completely miserable just thinking about all of this. Am I being unreasonable? Am I putting myself and my needs first by demanding he make a choice?

— Dazed and Confused

Dear Dazed: No. John’s needs have come first for the past 10 years. But aside from that, you already may have a legal commitment in place. When a couple lives together as long as you have, it is recognized in many states as a common-law marriage. So, although you haven’t had a ceremony, you may, in fact, be legally tied.

You also have children, and a separation will entail custody, visitation and child support arrangements, so you might consider counseling before disentangling yourself. Even something as simple as tossing him out of the house becomes a legal matter. Check the laws in your state regarding common-law marriage, and if necessary, get the assistance of an attorney.

————

Dear Annie: We have a home in another state and allow family members and friends to vacation there. Recently, when we went to the house, we found several framed family photographs of our guests throughout the family room and bedroom.

I think this is in poor taste and that our guests have overstepped their privileges. Should I say thank you and simply put the photos away? Or should I allow others to decorate my home? — Concerned

Dear Concerned: Well, this is certainly nervy. You are obviously such an accommodating host that your guests feel a little too much at home. We suggest returning the photographs to the owners, saying, “You must have left these at our house when you last stayed there. I know you would want them back so you can appreciate them in your own home.”

————

Dear Annie: I am “S.W. from California,” the 88-year-old who had a falling out with his daughter. She and her husband cut off contact, so I cut them out of my will.

After the letter appeared, I got a call from my son-in-law, who referred me to some online comments about your column. I was surprised by the negative response. It seems there is a generation gap. I was a Depression kid, and there was no help from the government. If you couldn’t pay for food, you starved. Having gone through such rough times, we wanted to make things easy for our kids, and we gave them everything. It only resulted in spoiling them, and they, in turn, spoiled the next generation. These kids expect everything to be given to them and show no respect for their parents. My generation always showed respect.

Fortunately, as a result of your publishing my letter, my daughter contacted me, and we are now speaking again. She doesn’t see things my way, and I don’t see things her way, but we have agreed to disagree.

— S.W. from California

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Special to The Enterprise

LEAVE A COMMENT

Discussion | No comments

The Davis Enterprise does not necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy

.

News

 
4-H members prepare for Spring Show

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1

Food insecurity remains an issue for many county residents

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1

 
 
Youth sports in focus on radio program

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Rummage sale will benefit preschool

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Concert benefits South Korea exchange

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Conference puts focus on Arab studies

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Water rate assistance bill advances

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Program explores STEM careers for girls

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Embroiderers plan a hands-on project

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Central Park Gardens to host Volunteer Orientation Day

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5 | Gallery

Volkssporting Club plans North Davis walks

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Hotel/conference center info meeting set

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

Davis honors ‘green’ citizens

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

 
Cycle de Mayo benefits Center for Families

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A8

Author to read ‘The Cat Who Chose to Dream’

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A12

 
.

Forum

High-five to Union Bank

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
Broken sprinklers waste water

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

Three more administrators?

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
Neustadt has experience for the job

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

Here’s a plan to save big on employee costs

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

 
Davis is fair, thoughtful

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

Ortiz is the right choice for Yolo

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
Tom Meyer cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

The high cost of employment

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
.

Sports

DHS tracksters sweep another DVC meet

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Another DVC blowout for DHS girls soccer

By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

Young reinvents his game to help Aggies improve on the diamond

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
DHS boys shuffle the deck to beat Cards

By Thomas Oide | From Page: B1 | Gallery

DHS/Franklin II is a close loss for Devil softballers

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

 
Baseball roundup: Giants slam Rockies in the 11th

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2

 
UCD roundup: Aggies lose a softball game at Pacific

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3

Jahn jumps to Sacramento Republic FC

By Evan Ream | From Page: B8

 
.

Features

.

Arts

Congressional art competition open to high school students

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

 
Emerson, Da Vinci to present ‘Once Upon a Mattress’

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

 
Winters Plein Air Festival begins Friday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

 
Bach Soloists wrap up season on April 28

By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A11

 
.

Business

.

Obituaries

.

Comics

Comics: Thursday, April 24, 2014

By Creator | From Page: B6