Tuesday, September 16, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Old betrayal is eating him up

AnniesMailbox

By
From page A13 | February 24, 2013 |

Dear Annie: I would like your opinion on something. I am a grandmother of four wonderful grandkids and very proud of the fact. The problem comes when dealing with the other grandmother, especially when others are in the vicinity. I don’t know whether it’s because I am older than she is or what, but she always addresses me as “Gramma Mary,” as in, “Gramma Mary, what would you like to do today?”

I find this condescending, disrespectful and rude. First of all, I am not her grandmother. Second, I am a person in my own right, with a job and hobbies. I am not defined solely by being a grandmother.

I was at a family function last week where I met my granddaughter’s soon-to-be mother-in-law, and this woman called me “Gramma,” too! My daughter later said it was because she couldn’t remember my name, which is all well and good, but when I couldn’t remember her name, I didn’t call her “Mom.” I took my daughter aside and asked what her name was.

I don’t mean to sound petty, but this bothers me so much that I want to scream. If a grandchild calls me “Gramma,” I’m thrilled and want them to shout it from the rooftops. But when non-related adults do it, it is demeaning. How can I get them to stop?

— No Name, No City

Dear No Name: Not every grandmother would object to this, especially since other adults might consider it part of your title and unconnected to your relationship to them. Also keep in mind that, in front of the grandchildren, others may feel it is less confusing to the kids to refer to you by the same name the children use. But since this bothers you so much, it’s perfectly OK to state your preference at the time. When someone calls you “Gramma Mary,” smile and say, “I’d prefer you call me ‘Mary.’” You can remind them when necessary.

————

Dear Annie: I am a recent widower. I was married for more than 50 years. The problem is, my conscience is really bothering me.

Almost 40 years ago, I had a brief affair with one of my employees. I confessed my sins to my priest, but I never said anything to my wife. I don’t know whether she suspected anything, but if she did, she was silent.

The dilemma is: Should I tell my adult children? Or should I take this unholy secret to my grave?

— California

Dear California: Please don’t ease your conscience by burdening your children with this hurtful information. You might feel better, but they would feel terrible. Even though you spoke to your priest, if you still need to get this off of your chest, talk to a counselor. You made a mistake 40 years ago and crave forgiveness, but you also have to forgive yourself.

————

Dear Annie: This is in reply to “Conflicted Adoptee from Kansas,” who located her birth mother and wanted her half-siblings to know about her.

My mother had a child when she was 19. She was unable to care for the baby girl, but the biological father’s parents decided to raise her without any contact with my mother. Ten years later, my mother married someone else and had me.

When I was in college, this now-grown child contacted my mother and said she wanted me to know I have a sibling. My mother was terrified to tell me, but didn’t want me to hear it first from my half-sister. Mom sobbed through the entire conversation, and I can only imagine how she felt. I understand the fear and concern that my opinion of her would change, but I am just glad she told me about it.

I now have a relationship with my half-sister, and although we don’t have a lot of contact, we are still family. I can’t imagine allowing this knowledge to affect my close relationship with my mother. Everyone has a past.

— Surprised Half-Sibling

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

  • Recent Posts

  • Enter your email address to subscribe to this newspaper and receive notifications of new articles by email.

  • .

    News

    Davis school nurses are stretched thin

    By Jeff Hudson | From Page: A1 | Gallery

     
     
    Dempsey: If campaign fails, ground troops possible

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

     
    Scotland took long road to independence vote

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

    Wright resigns his seat in California Senate

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A2 | Gallery

     
    New DHS Hall-of-Famers

    By Wayne Tilcock | From Page: A3

     
    Exploration of dementia lecture set for Sept. 25

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

     
    Sierra Club gathers for morning walks

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

    DPNS has afternoon openings

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A3

     
    Paws for Thought: Socialize your new pup at UCD’s Yappy Hour

    By Evelyn Dale | From Page: A3 | Gallery

     
    DHS parents go back to school

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

    Sick-pay benefits expanded to millions

    By San Francisco Chronicle | From Page: A4

     
    Bad roads cost Californians billions

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A4

    Farmers market continues at Sutter Davis

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4 | Gallery

     
    Yolo County’s looking for a few good advisers

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

    Search the Internet at Connections Café

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

     
    Garage, bake sales benefit outdoor education trip

    By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A5

    Sutter qigong classes start Sept. 22

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

     
    Halloween costume sale benefits preschool

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A5

    Hundreds flee wildfires; homes burn

    By The Associated Press | From Page: A5 | Gallery

     
    Harmony Award nominations sought

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

     
    Da Vinci seniors take on Constitution essay

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

    .

    Forum

    Sounds like a swell party

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

     
    Maybe not the best rebound guy

    By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

    Carbon fee and dividend plan is the answer

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A6

     
    Nate Beeler cartoon

    By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

     
    Many reasons to back Sunder

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    I support Madhavi Sunder

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

     
    A leader with heart and vision

    By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

    .

    Sports

    Finding the good in a tough DHS football loss

    By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1

     
    More pressure on QB would be nice for Aggies

    By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1

    Raber: glad to join in bringing readers golf column

    By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: B1

     
    Open Cup final has local flavor

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1

    Devil volleyball victories keep piling up

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

     
    DHS needs just 10 boys to top Elk Grove

    By Evan Ream | From Page: B1 | Gallery

    Highlights galore in Junior Blue Devil weekend

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3 | Gallery

     
    Sports briefs: Big Monday for Masiel as DHS golfers win league opener

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: B8 | Gallery

    .

    Features

    .

    Arts

    ‘Shrek, The Musical’ shines at DMTC

    By Bev Sykes | From Page: A11 | Gallery

     
    Irish fiddlers come to Davis house show

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

    Jenny Lynn and Her Real Gone Daddies play at Picnic in the Park

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11 | Gallery

     
    Woodland artist hosts event at her new studio

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

    ‘Jane Eyre’ to screen at I-House

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

     
    Anais Mitchell to play Third Space

    By Enterprise staff | From Page: A11

    .

    Business

    .

    Obituaries

    .

    Comics

    Comics: Tuesday, September 16, 2014 (set 1)

    By Creator | From Page: B5

     
    Comics: Tuesday, September 16, 2014 (set 2)

    By Creator | From Page: B7