Thursday, July 31, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Ongoing pattern reaches a crisis point

AnniesMailbox

By
From page B5 | September 24, 2013 |

Dear Annie: My fiancé’s mother has a rocky relationship with both of her sons. We see her infrequently, but still, my fiancé loses his patience with her quickly.

At first I was OK with her, but now she annoys me, as well. She brags about things, pleads to get her way, plans visits without checking with us, is sensitive to being told no or to anything she perceives as criticism, and is very demanding. She also recently pulled a childish trick. When my fiancé told her no repeatedly, she simply called me to plead her case, knowing I am uncomfortable saying no.

She is in her late 60s and continues to blame her actions on a rocky childhood. My mother says to just be polite to her, which I try hard to do. But now that she is in my home for a week, conversations with her are impossible, and I feel I need to walk away. She has a psychiatric disorder, although I am not sure of the diagnosis. My fiancé’s grandmother indicates it is schizophrenia, so I don’t want to push her too far.

We are getting married soon at a courthouse. During this unplanned and uninvited trip, she said it is too expensive for her and my fiancé’s father to travel to see us get married. I am fine with this, but my fiancé is upset that his parents do not care enough to make it work. They can afford the airline tickets.

I think it is my fiancé’s place to explain his hurt feelings to them. Do I continue to be polite about it? I am currently working long hours to avoid being in my home while she is visiting. Is there a better way to handle this?

— Z.

Dear Z.: Yes, please continue to be polite. We recognize that his mother’s behavior is difficult, but you see her infrequently, so try to tolerate her as best you can for your fiancé’s sake. He obviously cares a great deal about his parents. He should tell them how important it is to him that they attend the wedding, but he cannot control their response. We hope they will make the effort to be there, and we hope you will be supportive without commiserating too much.

————

Dear Annie: Lately, it seems as if my siblings have been ignoring me, except for the eldest. I’m a teenager, and my siblings are older. The eldest tries to involve me in everything she can, but she’s moved out of the house. The other two go off and have fun, and when I try to join in, they give me nasty looks and tell me to go away. What should I do about them?

— Indiana Teen

Dear Teen: You should recalibrate your expectations. Your siblings are not responsible for your social life. We know it hurts when they go off without you, but such rudeness is not uncommon. Learn to ignore them. When they leave, casually wave goodbye and be occupied with something else. As you grow up, this situation will improve, but it will take time.

Meanwhile, phone or text your friends and schedule some activities so you are less focused on what your siblings are doing. It also will make you much more interesting to them if you seem independently busy and happy. If you need help doing this, talk to your parents, your school counselor, a favorite teacher or other trusted adult.

————

Dear Annie: I’m responding to the comment from “Germantown, Tenn.,” about store employees being forced to stand all day. That’s part of their job description and how products get to the shelves. In the store that I manage, the older employees never have complained about standing all day.

— The Manager

Dear Manager: The fact that your employees don’t complain doesn’t mean they aren’t suffering. Standing is OK if you get to walk around, but otherwise, it is hard on the feet and back.

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

.

News

Local therapists bring ‘Daring Greatly’ movement to Davis

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Davis area youths learn wilderness survival skills

By Charlotte Orr | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
Governor says immigration solution is a priority

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
Firefighters keep Yosemite blaze far from sequoias

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

Police nab three for vehicle theft

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

 
Crews battle grass fire near Davis

By Lauren Keene | From Page: A2

 
Sorting out the claims after pipe break: Who pays?

By The Associated Press | From Page: A2

 
As farmland subsides, aquifer worries mount

By San Francisco Chronicle | From Page: A3 | Gallery

 
Pogledich named Yolo County counsel

By Anne Ternus-Bellamy | From Page: A5 | Gallery

Tuleyome launches Kickstarter campaign to publish a children’s nature book

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5 | Gallery

 
Davis teen on California team for national horticulture competition

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A5 | Gallery

Truth and authenticity on radio program

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A8

 
Senior sing-along held monthly

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A8

.

Forum

A rose by any other name

By Creators Syndicate | From Page: B5

 
Ross Douthat: Democrat, Republican patterns are changing

By New York Times News Service | From Page: A6

Tom Meyer cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

 
Civilians are innocent victims

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

Thanks for your kindnesses

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
Questions, questions, questions

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

Speak out

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A6

 
.

Sports

River Cats snap three-game losing streak

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Davis Water Polo U10 girls are golden

By Spencer Ault | From Page: B1, 1 Comment

Aggie Silva mixed school and strikes; wins Reno tourney

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Lucky No. 7: Giants snap losing streak

By The Associated Press | From Page: B1

Davis Rugby teams wrap up summer season

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

 
DHS tryout schedule updated; physical packets due

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2

49ers WR Brandon Lloyd enjoying return to NFL

By The Associated Press | From Page: B3

 
Hammel struggles in A’s loss to Astros

By The Associated Press | From Page: B8

.

Features

Happy 103rd birthday!

By Wayne Tilcock | From Page: A2

 
Fay Libet: 100 years young

By Spencer Ault | From Page: A3 | Gallery

Future subscriber: Sonya Theresa Arnold

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Wedding: Alpers – Halprin Jackson

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

Engagement: Snyder-Oerman

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A4

 
.

Arts

Landscape exhibition returns to Davis

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A7

 
Hear live music at Monticello

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

 
New KDRT show features touring musicians

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

Hot City heats up Winters gazebo

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

 
Enjoy some Mischief at First Saturday event

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

British organist to play in Davis

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

 
Native American dancers to perform in Davis

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

Winters stages ‘All’s Well That Ends Well’

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

 
.

Business

.

Obituaries

.

Comics

Comics: Thursday, July 31, 2014

By Creator | From Page: B6