Wednesday, September 17, 2014
YOLO COUNTY NEWS
99 CENTS

Only child, only parent

AnniesMailbox

Dear Annie: I am a 57-year-old man with no siblings, and my mother is deceased. My 82-year-old father is physically healthy, but he’s in the early stages of dementia. He has a few hobbies to keep him busy, but for some reason, he has become obsessed with me.

Dad has become rather “needy.” Sometimes he calls me three or four times a day, even when I am at work. He insists that I go to his house every day, even if there is no particular reason.

I know Dad is probably lonely, but still. He doesn’t have a lot of friends due to his attitude and sharp tongue. He has become demanding, insisting I do things immediately rather than when I have time. He also has grown very mean-mouthed and pouts if he doesn’t get his way.

This is getting to me and putting a strain on my family. What do you suggest?

— Crazy in Kansas

Dear Kansas: We think Dad is frightened. He knows he is slipping and finds reassurance in your constant presence. Dementia also can affect his personality. Call and visit him when you can. When you don’t have time to run errands, calmly and repeatedly say that you will get to them on the weekend (or whenever), and follow through. Ignore the rants. We also suggest you go with him to his next doctor’s appointment and discuss your concerns. And please contact the Alzheimer’s Association (alz.org) for information on resources and assistance, because this is likely to get more difficult for you over the next several years.

————

Dear Annie: I am married to a wonderful woman who is generous and helpful. We are both retired, in good health and live comfortably. We are currently babysitting two of our grandchildren five days a week, nine months out of the year. We love our grandchildren, but I feel this is too much.

The problem is, when I talk to my wife about doing less so we could take the winter off and spend it in a warmer climate, she refuses. I want to enjoy my retirement. Winters here are depressing and limit our physical activities. I don’t feel it would be right for me to travel by myself or spend time in a warmer and more enjoyable place while she stays home and babysits.

How can I get her to realize that the years slip by, and that if we don’t enjoy ourselves now, it may be too late when the grandkids no longer need us to babysit?

— Richard in New England

Dear Richard: It’s possible your idea of a wonderful retirement is not the same as your wife’s. She may enjoy being around her grandchildren and want to be close to them (and of assistance to your children) as long as she is capable of doing so. Since you have three months “off,” begin by planning some special trips during that time. When winter comes, use your weekends or school vacations to get away. You might even take the grandchildren on longer trips if they are old enough and you can afford it. If you approach this in the spirit of compromise, perhaps your wife will listen and even offer some suggestions of her own.

————

Dear Annie: This is in reply to the widow in Florida who complained that she is unable to make new friends.

I suggest she find a local animal shelter where she can volunteer her time. Most shelters welcome volunteers, especially during the week. Whether or not she makes new human friends, the animals she works with will appreciate the time she spends with them and will display a love and loyalty she will treasure forever.

— Steve

————

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Email your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

Comments

comments

Special to The Enterprise

.

News

Rainbow City revival plans, one meeting at a time

By Dave Ryan | From Page: A1 | Gallery

 
 
Show off your electric vehicles on Sunday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Learn about youth leadership program on Sept. 28

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Sign up now for free Community Yard Sale

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
AAUW hosts conversation with Gilardi

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Master Gardeners will answer questions Sunday

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

Storyteller will draw on music, dance

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A3

 
Sign up soon for a new year of Writing Buddies

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4 | Gallery

Register to vote by Oct. 20

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Free introductory yoga, chanting workshop offered

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

Saylor meets constituents at Peet’s

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Rotary seeks project requests

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

.

Forum

Tom Meyer cartoon

By Debbie Davis | From Page: A6

 
Mental-health treatment lacking

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

Braly’s column lightens the heart

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
Bicycle bells needed for safety

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

Are we going to wait until someone here dies?

By Rich Rifkin | From Page: A6

 
Firefighters went above, beyond

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

Grocery bags are biohazards

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
Can’t we work collaboratively?

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

Please vaccinate your children

By Letters to the Editor | From Page: A6

 
.

Sports

Formidable UCD defense melts Hornets

By Bruce Gallaudet | From Page: B1 | Gallery

 
Devils go the distance to triumph at Chico

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1 | Gallery

UCD women take third at elite golf event

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

 
Aggie men stay in 10th to finish St. Mary’s Invite

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B1

Sounders win U.S. Open Cup in overtime

By Staff and wire reports | From Page: B2

 
AYSO roundup: Ultra Violet illuminates a victory

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B2 | Gallery

Diamondbacks slam Giants

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

 
Baseball roundup: Peavy, Posey lead Giants past Arizona

By The Associated Press | From Page: B2 | Gallery

Legacy roundup: Gunners get a win over Woodland

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3 | Gallery

 
Alliance roundup: Soccer success comes on the road and at home

By Enterprise staff | From Page: B3 | Gallery

 
.

Features

Name Droppers: Bamforth leads international brewing institute

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4 | Gallery

 
Name Droppers: UC Davis announces eight new fellows

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A7

Just desserts? A sweet treat is worth the effort

By Julie Cross | From Page: A10

 
.

Arts

Apply now for Davis Community Idol

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A4

 
Davis students prepare dishes for Empty Bowls fundraiser

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9 | Gallery

Nine Davis artists chosen to show in KVIE Art Auction

By Enterprise staff | From Page: A9

 
Sacred Harp singers will gather

By Special to The Enterprise | From Page: A9 | Gallery

 
Classic ‘Hello, Dolly!’ wows at Woodland Opera House

By Bev Sykes | From Page: A9 | Gallery

.

Business

.

Obituaries

.

Comics