Dear Annie: My son and I, on pretty substantial evidence, believe that my grandson is not only doing drugs but selling them, and was also selling his 14-year-old sister to his friends for sex.

My grandson is 19. His father threw him out of the house, and he left without taking any clothes or other belongings. He says he doesn’t need them.

These are both loved children who went to a religious grade school. But once they attended a public high school, somehow things went terribly wrong. My granddaughter is beautiful and bright, but is now sullen and uncommunicative. We all believed these kids were sweet, loving and good, and are stunned and heartsick. They have already been to a counselor. What else can we do?

— Worried Grandmother

Dear Grandmother: Please don’t blame the high school. Plenty of kids attend public schools, and they don’t turn out like your grandson.

There’s not much you can do about a legal adult who no longer lives at home. His parents can report his drug and sex-trade business to the police if they so choose. Or they can urge him to get into rehab, although he doesn’t seem ready to make changes. Your granddaughter, however, should continue with her counseling. She may wish to press charges against her brother. She has been sexually abused and will need ongoing help. Suggest to your son that he contact RAINN (rainn.org) at 1-800-656-HOPE (1-800-656-4673).

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Dear Annie: We recently received a wedding invitation for a relative on my wife’s side, and it was addressed to “The Smith Family.” It is being held at a rather upscale location, but is within driving distance.

Besides the two children we have together, I have teenage children from my first marriage. Is it safe to assume they are included as guests?

— Just Wondering

Dear Just: If the teenage children live with you, chances are they are included. But it’s never safe to make assumptions like these. Call the bride’s family and ask.

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Dear Annie: “Help” said his adult daughter and wife were “enmeshed” and he was tired of the daughter’s never-ending phone calls. You didn’t have much sympathy and urged him to leave it alone.

Maybe that was the best response, but shouldn’t there be some limit to the time one’s spouse spends talking on the phone, especially if it is sapping the life out of the marriage?

My wife, “Doris,” is close to her mother and sister — too close, if you ask me. They both call multiple times a day, and Doris never fails to answer. She says “it’s not polite” or “it might be an emergency.” Add in the occasional call from other family members and friends, and Doris is on the phone at least five hours a day and longer on weekends. Calls are rarely shorter than 30 minutes. As a result, I am lucky to get five minutes of uninterrupted time with her.

I can’t tell you how many conversations, family dinners, vacations, walks and, yes, lovemaking sessions have been spoiled by incoming phone calls. We haven’t watched a TV show together for years because I got tired of taking four hours to get through a two-hour movie. I spend most of my time doing things on my own while Doris yaks.

I’ve proposed every compromise I can think of, but realized long ago that nothing was going to change. Doris is the sweetest person I know, and I won’t leave her over this. But had I known this was going to be my life, I never would have married her.

— Always on Hold

Dear Always: It’s too bad Doris doesn’t realize the damage she has done to your relationship. Show her this letter — or better yet, call her.

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Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to [email protected], or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 5777 W. Century Blvd., Ste. 700, Los Angeles, CA 90045. To find out more about Annie’s Mailbox and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

— Creators Syndicate Inc.

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